ORIGINAL INGLÊS
DIANA 2
CHAPTER 1
That morning at six thirty, I woke up an hour earlier than usual. The warm, snug feeling that was taking over my stomach was mixed with a tremendous energy of excitement which prevented me from sleeping any further.
From across the corridor I heard Romano
“Good Morning Gorgeous. You are already up”?
“Good Morning! Yes, I guess I’m so excited with finding our own new place that I just had a sudden burst of energy to wake up”
To my surprise he had also awaken much before the usual time and was making coffee in the kitchen.
While I lay there waiting for him my mind drifted off to the last few years of my life. In such few years I had experienced what many are fortunate enough never to experience in their lifetimes. I had started off being successful to loosing everything to the point of turning to prostitution to pay my debts and gaining close to “300 Regular Clients” in the short space of fifteen months only to fall in love with one eleven months down the line and leaving the profession five months later.
Everything was still so vivid that it seemed like yesterday that I had left my title of prostitute behind, but it was now three months since the last ordeal of my final client.
Romano looked just as excited as me as he walked into the bedroom with two huge mugs filled with freshly brewed coffee that filled the house with a delightful aroma mixing with the fresh breeze of summer that sneakily trespassed into the bedroom from the gap in the blinds and topping it all up with a grate huge smile.
It was only when he knelt down to the bed to hand me the mug of coffee that I paid attention to his expression. I had never seen him looking so radiant and fresh as his wide smile brightened up the room more powerfully than the sunrays sneaking through the shutters of the window. More than words could explain, it made it blatantly obvious that he was feeling the same way as me.
He appeared to be more excited, more relieved that the nightmare was reaching an end and that finally we were going to be able to start a new life away from the four walls that had been caving in on me since I had started compromising my a relationship with my profession as a prostitute. The same walls that appeared to put the weight of the world on my shoulders and continued to suffocate me with the accumulation of negativity that my ex clients had disposed there in return for my listening ears.
We discussed what type of place we were going to look for until it was pushing time for Romano to leave for the office. Both agreed that we needed to move away from Carcavelos and as a bonus would have a better chance of finding a house rather than an apartment for the same value by moving further out. This was the perfect decision bearing in mind that Napoleon would have an outside garden.
Just before Romano headed out the front door he shouted
“Start surfing the net for estate agents and make appointments to view the places. Let’s get out of this place!”
And that’s exactly for the rest of the day; I searched the net on that same mattress where I had worked for those fifteen months. The mattress where I had taught myself to keep men entertained, to listen to their problems, to give them advice, to her their fantasies, to be their friend but also the same mattress where I had a gun pointed to my head and also saw the light from my coke addiction.
For the first time in all the mattresses and my history together it was sending off light positive vibrations through my stomach as I lay there sending the estate agents e mails.
The light that I had seen and kept me alive in that candle that evening where I nearly crossed the line of sanity was starting to warm me.
But still it wasn’t easy. Just because I had stopped working as a prostitute and could now get on with my relationship didn’t mean that it was a clear cut transition and although I felt as if I had more energy than in recent months, the levels were still low and Romano was left to do more than his fair share of searching.
CHAPTER 2
In little under two days Romano and I had arranged various bookings with estate agents to view properties that fell into our planned specifications.
Our first two viewings had been made for lunch time the following Friday. I met Romano at 1pm at the petrol station close to Azoia where we had arranged to meet the Estate agent.
The Estate agent asked us to park our car on the side road that led up from the petrol station and follow him up a long winding lane whose walls were covered in purple and red flowers and which their petals covered the cobbled pavement like an art piece all the way up to the top of the hill.
Amongst the warm smell of melted lavender Poor Romano was finding it hard to climb as the sweat poured down his face and mixed with the perfect scenery.
Within five or so minutes we arrived at a large wooden door way that was hidden with ivy. Without knowing what to expect we followed the man in and were immediately greeted with the owner who was busy painting and doing the final touches to the house.
We dodged all the blanket covered furniture that was stacked high in the middle of the rooms and followed the estate agent around as he showed us the rooms. What Romano and I were led to believe was that the house was to be rented unfurnished and as I was not really liking the vibe of the place I quickly pointed out that fact as I took a glimpse of the old fashioned furniture that rested underneath the blanket.
“It’s ok. The furniture is going. It’s my ninety year old mother’s furniture so my sister and I are more than aware that it has to leave. That is, if we want to rent the place” He said with a smile.
But that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Although the two story house possessed plenty of wall high windows, beautiful huge terraces and a five hundred square foot garden for Napoleon there was just something missing from this twenty year old building which was yet so light but so dark and heavy.
We thanked the owner and without commenting to each other walked out eagerly awaiting to see the next house that was situated a kilometre down the hill.
When we arrived at a set of high doors Romano and I looked at each other in excitement at the prospect of sharing our first place as the estate agent was struggling to find the correct key from the huge bunch that weighed down his hand.
When he eventually succeeded we followed him through a dark parlour like entrance that led to a narrow opening which was neatly covered with running Ivy. On the immediate left was another door which the man once again struggled to open as the key whole was covered in a rusty lawyer. Finally the door creaked open to release a strong smell of moth balls and an electrifying gleam of sunlight. The man stepped aside and asked us to step through.
We found ourselves stood in what appeared to be a medieval kitchen with a huge old blue wooden table that seated at least twelve people and that would make any Italian mother proud. The floor was made of stone and the few cupboards that existed around the square room were made of open griddled white wood.
Romano looked at me to see my shocked reaction as this was the last type of place I expected to find. As the estate agent watched my reaction he quickly broke the silence
“This house belongs to the family of the duke”
Truthfully speaking I didn’t care if it belonged to the Queen of England! There was just something about that kitchen that gave me the creeps!
Realising the lack of difference it made to my facial expression he asked us to follow him into the living room where the bright light was coming through the many windows.
To my amazement as I stepped into the forty square meter living room I was taken over by the most magnificent energy I had experienced in years. It just released warmest, most powerful vibration. That was it! I didn’t have to see another room, I would be more than happy living it that one!.
Two sides of the room consisted of narrow high windows that stretched the entire length of the wall. One side was interrupted with the main entrance door between them and gave way to the most beautiful well maintained garden. The other side was instead interrupted with a huge fire place and the windows on each side of it led way to an old court yard adorned with lampposts and iron table and chairs which were seated on gravel stones.
In the distance of the court yard on a higher level lay a huge outdoor swimming pool and Jacuzzi with a little chalet type house on the right side.
Before we continued to follow the man through to another room Romano’s expression had lighten up as he saw the smile that now dominated my face and felt the positive energy which the house was feeding me.
Rubbing his hands and by now with a satisfied look on his face at the prospect of making his tidy commission the estate agent welcomed us to the master bedroom that looked like it belonged in the Alp mountains with its huge fire place. There was no ceiling, instead strips of old wood wove to form a pyramid just above the gigantic King sized bed with three of the four walls covered in the living room styled windows.
The man asked us through another door in the room which led to a country style bathroom which had another door leading to another bedroom which it was shared with. This time the room was small with gleaming white walls, an old tasteful cupboard that was used as a wardrobe and a small single bed that was camouflaged away with its equally bright white bed spread.
I really didn’t need to see the other bedrooms. This is the house I wanted and Romano felt it all over me.
“I guess its this one hey?” he asked as we walked back through to the kitchen to see a room that led down from it.
“For sure it’s the one” I said
But somehow having to walk back through that kitchen was troublesome for me. There was just something about it that I couldn’t figure out. It was as if we were in two completely different time and energy zones; dark versus light, negative verses positive.
The house was planted in an “L” shape facing each other. This side of the house held a door that led to the court yard that if included in the shape of the house would form a perfect square.
Finally we had seen the well maintained garden and guest house that surrounded the beautiful yet old fashioned building which must have once upon a time been the residence of the Royal family.
Without asking any questions Romano looked at the Estate agent shock his hand and said with a smile
“I think we are going to take it. We shall be in touch”
Romano and I must have already made a million and one plans on how to decorate the house before we arrived back at our cars. It was just taken for granted that it was the perfect place to make a fresh start.
I couldn’t keep still for the rest of the afternoon planning how I was going to decorate the house. Anybody would have imagined I was high on cocaine.
Late that same afternoon Romano called from work to ask me to meet him at the Estate agents to arrange the contract.
When we arrived we couldn’t believe what the director of the agency was telling us.
“I’m sorry. We have a special case here. The owner of the house does not only want the normal months rent in advance, she also wants a bank guarantee of the equivalent of 3 months rent”
In an attempt to calm us down from the insane prerequisite the director explained that the Landlady had been unlucky with all of her previous tenants, one of which had not paid her for a full year.
“Ok. We will think about it and let you know if we are prepared to accept such ridiculous conditions” Said Romano as we both got up to leave.
We spent the whole weekend trying to find a solution to raise the money for the outrageous bank guarantee, the bond and the month in advance. All in all it totalled 7.500 euros which was far from a healthy amount for a couple in our situation.
We wanted the house so badly that by Sunday evening we had worked out a plan to cover our costs. I would borrow money from investors to use as a bank guarantee and Romano would try and scrap up the rest by requesting his Christmas bonus in advance.
The following day we made our way back to the Estate agency with all the requirements and ready to sign the contract but there was now another obstacle! This time the landlady insisted on meeting us before we signed the contract. If that was not bad enough, she would only be back in the country the following week!
I sat there watching Romano trying to convince the Director to change her mind in vain even though it was not her decision. Finally Romano convinced the Lady that everything would be alright and that we should receive the keys as all the money would warrant the signing of the contract and above all, the Landladies approval.
To my shock the director agreed and handed us the keys on agreement that we could move our furniture in but not ourselves. I really couldn’t believe how a professional would agree to do this without a contract signed but I guess money spoke louder than obligations and we walked out of there with huge grins.
The following day I got to work on packing up all the boxes. Every item, large or small would automatically go through a thorough scrub before they were packed away into the thousands of boxes. As I cleaned them I remembered my cleaning ritual after every client and now it was time to do the same to all my processions so that the negative energy would remain behind.
I was kept so busy that the follow morning seemed an hour away and no sooner had I realised I woke up to the day of the big move.
Everything was ready to go, everything apart from my old working mattress that would be used for us to sleep until the day of signing the contract and then thrown out for ever.
I still couldn’t believe that this was all happening, that I was so close to leaving the apartment behind; all those bad memories, all the psychological suffering, everything!
Just before the last box was being carried out by the transport man, I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, closed the door behind me and followed him into the lift.
It took us three whole days to decorate the house. As the house came furnished we placed all but the spare room beds in the back chalet room and made use of everything we had brought with us to avoid spending money that we didn’t have.
The house looked fantastic. The kitchen had a sixties theme and the living room was decorated simply and tastefully with a few art pieces and the bare essentials. The bedrooms were kept just as we found them; plan, simple and white.
A day before we had scheduled a meeting with the landlady Romano received a call from the Estate agent asking us to go to the house urgently.
Romano left work immediately, picked me up from my apartment and we made our way there.
“We are going to loose the house aren’t we Romano?”
“Don’t be pathetic! We have more than moved in. What the hell gave you such an idea” he said trying to keep a brave look on his face as he accelerated down the road.
I kept quiet for the rest of the journey remembering what Romano had asked the Director to do. I knew it wasn’t right and that it would bring problems.
On our arrival we found the Estate agent waiting at the kitchen door. He greeted us with a frown and whispered that we walk through. Romano and I kept quiet as we could here voices coming from the living room.
When we reached the living room there was the Director with another estate agent trying to calm down this aristocratic looking Lady with long straight tied back hair dressed in country style green coloured trousers and tweed jacket who refused to acknowledge our reception but instead sat down by the fireplace in a sulk.
The Director called us aside and quietly explained that the Landlady was not at all happy with the situation and that we shouldn’t have moved any of our furniture in.
Romano jumped to our defence immediately
“What do you mean we shouldn’t have moved our stuff in? Why the hell did you give me the keys for? I certainly didn’t hand you over all that money just to take measurements!” he said to the Director who was unfairly trying to place the blame on us.
The Landlady continued sitting there in silence like a spoilt brat until finally uttering in a an exaggerated Royal accent
“I would like you all to sort this matter out. I do not believe that I can bring myself to trust you living in my house after such occurrences. Please make the necessary arrangements to leave”.
My God I thought to myself while still shocked at her spoilt attitude. How can a forty year old women talk like a ten year old upper class spoilt brat? I just couldn’t believe the whole scenario. It was as if we were the only ones to blame when in practice it was the Estate agents fault for having agreed to Romano.
It took me a while to digest what I was actually hearing until Romano looked at the Landlady and said
“Oh come on, you have our money and the ridiculous bank guarantee that you requested. What is your problem with us? Don’t we look rich enough? Is that how we should look, rich like everyone else when in practice many of them can’t afford to pay the electricity bill? Come on really, this is absurd”
The whole scenario was making my stomach turn, firstly because the house meant so much to us and secondly because there was no way on this earth that I was going to bow down to this stupid looking Landlady, “Title” or not. It appeared that she wanted us to plead with her to make her change her mind and allow us to stay.
“Well I think this is all so unfair, actually discriminating but I’m not going to stand here discussing the matter further. I respect your decision and truthfully speaking I would not feel at all comfortable living in a place where the Landlady does not trust us. It’s quite insulting” I said to the Director in front of the Landlady as if she was not there, just like she had done with us.
This was not what the woman wanted to hear. I was now more convinced than ever that what she really wanted us to do was beg her to let us stay. I looked at everybody in the room, bid them good afternoon and suggested to Romano that we leave.
“I’ll be in touch” he said to the pale looking director.
Within an hour Romano called the director and spent the whole of ten minutes shouting and threatening to take legal action before finally asking her to try and convince the Landlady to change her mind.
We all knew that this was the Directors fault so we still had hopes that she would resolve the matter in our favour for everyone’s sake.
At the end of the afternoon she called back to advice us that she had once again spoken to the Landlady and the prospect of her changing her mind were slim. She did however ask her to give her a few days to cool down.
I no longer knew what to expect as this whole situation was so bizarre and surreal it sounded like something out of a film. “Me? Why do all these ridiculous things fall on me” I thought to myself not withstanding staying in my apartment a minute longer never mind a few more nights until the spoilt bitch made up her mind, if it was indeed to be in our favour.
Romano spent the rest of the evening cursing the situation and threatening to take Legal action if the Landladies response was to be negative. But we both knew that legal action would imply being without furniture until the matter went to court and in this country, it would mean forever. We both knew that the past nine months had taken its toll on the both of us and that we were running out of energy reserves to fight the never ending problems.
Just after lunch time the following day Romano called from work and as soon as I saw his number my gut feeling said it was something to do with the house and bad news at that. And I was right,
“Sorry babes, the Director said there is no changing the stupid woman’s mind and she wants all our furniture out of there within the next three days”
This was total madness and more furious than ever Romano was adamant that we press charges against them all but I just wanted to get another of the never ending nightmares behind me. More than ever I just felt like none of this was meant to be; that Romano and I shouldn’t be together, that there was a Greater force than ours against us.
Once again I began calling the removal companies and couldn’t believe that the next availability for a pick up was only five days later. I called the Director to advice her of the problem only to be told that the Landlady was now sounding regretful at her harsh decision.
“Enough messing us around! This has gone to far. I want a place to live not to be involved in a spoilt woman’s games. I’ll go ahead and arrange the collection of my furniture”
For some strange reason I had an urge to ask the director about the first house we had seen just as Romano had mentioned in the midst of all this confusion. So I did, but made an offer of three hundred euros less than the asking price. Maybe just so they wouldn’t accept it. I don’t know.
To my surprise the director called back after having spoken to the owner’s advising us that they had accepted the offer. Funny how when you really don’t care you get your way I thought to myself. But somehow I really didn’t want to go there.
Deep down inside all of us held hope that on the day the removers arrived the silly Landlady would have plucked up the courage to come and apologise for her harsh behaviour but she didn’t and Romano and I stood there speechless as the removal company boxed everything up, everything that had taken us so long to arrange into a comfortable, cosy home.
The outrageousness of the whole situation had prevented us from seeing the worst. Now we were left with the removal van loaded and the removers asking us the destination address. It was then and only then that we realised that we didn’t have one.
Romano looked at me
“We don’t have any other option Diana. It has to go back to your apartment”
I couldn’t believe it. All stupid thoughts and questions took over my head; what would the neighbours say? What then? Would I ever rid myself of those destructive four walls? What is this, a curse?
Romano told the men my address and we headed off behind them. Silence prevailed all the way home. I knew if I said a single word I would burst into tears and Romano on the other hand was to scared to say anything as he could feel that I was a volcano ready to erupt. He knew how much I needed to leave that place and somehow felt guilty sending me back into it.
As we stepped through my apartment door Romano apologised. Holding back all my emotions that were accumulated on my throat I looked at him and said
“Don’t apologise Romano. It just was not meant to be. You know I can’t continue living in this place with you. And I’ll tell you something, if I go through all the grief and embarrassment of having one item of furniture come back through this door I wont be leaving this place so soon and going through all this again. I just can’t believe this…we were just not meant to be. Can’t you see that?”
Maybe this was a cry for help? Maybe it was just frustration that we hadn’t expected the worst and found alternative accommodation. Maybe it was just the memories of all those months that I couldn’t understand why Romano was just happy living in the place I worked rather than we both go and share a place of our own. But all in all it would take a miracle for Romano to come up with a solution as the van was close to arriving at my apartment.
Romano supported his head on his arms on the kitchen work top and began to cry. Shaking his head he said
“You know this is not fair. Don’t do this Diana. I love you. We have come so far, please don’t do this”
“Romano, the minute that furniture enters the door its not going to leave it in the near future. This was a huge mistake. I should have known this when I wanted to get the hell out of here and you were comfortable living in the place where I worked”
Romano continued pleading and within his mumbles he stopped shaking his head, lifted it from his hand and said
“You told me the first house accepted your offer the other day right? So let’s take it. Let’s get out of here”
Surely Romano was joking. My furniture was in my street, the removal men were costing us by the minute and here was this guy saying that we send it all to the first house without even having negotiated a contract again! This was becoming pure insanity, especially after having moved into the last before signing the contract. But anyway, I was feeling far to weak to play more games and I kept quiet listening to Romano explaining the situation on the phone to the director.
As I watched him I couldn’t help but to imagine that the director must have been thinking that we had really lost our marbles as Romano tried desperately to brush off the embarrassing situation.
Within minutes the director called back. To our astonishment she had managed to speak to one of the owners who was still at the house painting and to our disbelief agreed that we send the van over on condition that we squeeze all the furniture into one of the spare rooms while he finished off the bits and pieces.
I just couldn’t believe it. I hated the place but within a few split seconds learned to love it! It was our saviour.
Romano and I had never looked so excited. We couldn’t waste another second waiting for the lift and so we ran down the building stairs down to the removers who had been patiently waiting for orders in the van.
“Sorry mates. There has been a change of plan. It’s not here! Its around the corner from where we came from. Follow us” he said with a smile.
Before we could take our tenth step in the direction of Romano’s car the men called us back.
“Listen mate. We have no time for this. We are all ready late for our next pick up. Really, we can’t do it”
“Come on man don’t do this to us. If you leave her furniture here that’s it, we will be over. Come on…we have been through hell. I’ll pay you double if I have too”
The man closed the van door and began discussing the situation with his other two colleagues.
“Ok. We will follow you”
Just before I stepped in the car I looked at Romano and said
“The last time we moved the furniture without signing the contract look what happened”
“Yes Diana you are right but this time it was the owner who said that the contract will only be ready in three days” he said with a smile as we headed off to out new home.
CHAPTER THREE
It had been two days since we delivered the furniture to the new house and now the morning that we had arranged to sign and receive the keys.
As I was about to close the apartment door behind me after taking one last look at the rooms that were exploding with vivid memories Romano looked at me and asked if I had thrown away what I had left in the kitchen draw. I looked at him with a puzzled face as I had already told him the night before that I would leave some plates and cutlery behind for Alex, my friend who was now going to rent the apartment from me.
“No Diana. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about your work phones. You promised to throw them out but they are still there”
Romano was more than right. I had promised to discard them but something inside of me was too afraid to do so. What if things didn’t work out and I couldn’t pay my debts? What if something went wrong between me and Romano?
All my fears and insecurities still ruled my life, although they were now more camouflaged than ever in the background. If I threw away the phones it would mean that if I ever was forced to go back all the regular clients that I had accumulated in those fifteen nightmare months would be lost! It would mean that I would have to start all over again from scratch. I hated to dream that I would be forced back but I couldn’t bring myself to depend on anyone who’s business venture I relied on to pay my debts either.
At that moment the internal war that every now and then caused a revolution in my head when the phones were mentioned was beginning to revolt again. There was nothing I wanted more than to watch the damn phones melt in a bonfire but at the same time I would also risk my life in the flames to save them. But anyway, I convinced myself that we had come this far and Romano had shown that he really did care about me despite my past so without being able to have second thoughts I walked into the kitchen, opened the draw where the phones were placed, picked them up and headed straight out of the front door in front of Romano.
As we entered the street Romano remained silent and expressionless just waiting to see what I was going to do with them. I asked him to wait for me in the car while I crossed the road in the direction of the garbage containers. Before the war inside of me could restart the hundredth battle, I opened the lid and threw them in.
When I entered into the car I felt as if I had entered a timeless zone, with no gravity, as if I was floating in space. A million tons appeared to have fallen off my shoulders. The feeling was quickly replaced within seconds with a sense of regret, anxiety. Romano started the car and continued without uttering a word to finally look at me a kilometre down the road and say
“Well done girl. How do you feel? Aren’t you glad you did that and that its now all finally over?” he asked in a conservative tone before jumping up and down on the car seat.
It was at that precise moment that my stomach became over taken with butterflies and all the regret was left there on exactly that stretch of road where he was saying those words. I finally felt liberated from the past and no longer able to classify myself as a prostitute. After all, how could I be without my second most important tool, my work phone?
We arrived at our new home, signed the contract and began looking around the empty rooms as soon as the director and the owner left.
To my delightful surprise the house looked totally different without the heaviness of the old furniture that had weighed down the air. It felt more positive although I wasn’t quite sure if it was due to the absence of the furniture or the simple fact that it had saved our relationship on the spur of the moment by taking us away from the most negative place on earth; my apartment, the place where I had worked. I knew I couldn’t have continued with him under that roof. It just didn’t stop feeding the head screws that I had created about him.
Romano and I got straight down to work moving the furniture out of the spare room and unpacking all the boxes. We felt exhausted at the prospect of doing it all over again that we found ourselves arranging everything in little under a day as apposed to the three days it had taken us in the last house where the initial excitement to get everything perfect evaporated.
The fire place was the major attraction that evening. It lit up the sixty meter living room with a cosy positive ambience. On the opposite side was the ceiling high window that crossed the length of the room and overlooked a beautiful wild overgrown garden that was lit with an overlooking fog light. It was nothing like the first house but it was now our home and we had to make the most of it. The most important thing was that we were away from all the preying eyes and the heavy dark cloud of smog that was the produce of a society that was built on appearances, a society where people would rather go without food but rather buy expensive cars and clothing to fool each other regarding status.
When we finished placing the last touches in the living room Romano suggested that we order a take away from the quaint little Italian restaurant we had noticed down the hill. Italian food didn’t really appeal to me but I was so exhausted and so hungry that I could have eaten a horse.
During the time he was out to collect it I made myself my first hot bath in my new, old fashioned bathroom to then make my way back down to the living room and decorate the place with hundreds of spot candles before laying out the dinner table on the small coffee table that stood between the fire place and the leather sofa.
Romano walked through the door as I was lighting up the incense and remarked on how the place had been transformed just with the light of the flickering candles, the fireplace and the background music of Enigma.
We sat there on the floor opposite each other dinning but the whole ambience was taking away my appetite for food, rather it was increasing my hunger to make love to him as the music that was playing always reminded me of one of my most sensual and exciting sexual experiences, that of Alexandra my ex girlfriend.
Somehow I had refused to play that music ever since we broke up years before but something just made me pick it.
The strong feelings of desire that were taking over me were enough to send vibrations down to Lisbon and Romano could feel them more than anyone. No words, no expressions, and no nothing was necessary. They were just too strong, making me feel that I was leaving a wet patch on the cushion where I was sitting with every time I looked into the fire place that was at that moment the place where all my fantasies could be taken out with burning intensity.
Suddenly I felt a moist mouth at the back of my neck forcing me to close my eyes and let my head go back. My space between my lower stomach and my vagina started too burn with more intensity than the flames that were howling in front of me. I just let myself be taken over with the power I was surrendering too.
I tilted my head up and regained contact with the flames that appeared to be fiercer than ever. Romano placed his hand down my loose top and caressed my nipple. This was going to be a real love scene but I wanted to place those feelings into my fantasy and let my mind drift off into the fierce, roaring flames and let Romano using my body to satisfy his needs.I recalled vividly how a friend of mine Paulo had staed that he would not have sex with his wife while she was pregnant. He labelled it to be an act of respect for her and the unborn child. Simultaneously recalled reading how pregnant women usually have a huge appetite for sex. The simple fact that Paulo refused to give his wife satisfaction was a mere act of domination and control. How I would feel if Romano repressed me from this feeling if I was caring his child to the point where I would beg or do anything just to feel the way I was feeling then.
My mind moved a stage further. This time I myself was pregnant with Romano’s child. I had been waiting for him the whole day. The minutes seemed like hours and the hours seemed like days. The burning sensation to feel him inside me took over my mind and my being.
When Romano finally arrived home I greeted him at the door and began kissing him intensely as he felt his child in my stomach. It had been five months since he penetrated me and I was wishing that that moment would break the cycle.
“No Diana. I told you. No sex until the child is born”
I started begging and pleading to the point where he shouted and demanded me to stop.
“You are a woman. Your pleasure will be satisfied only when I say and until you give birth to our child you will be repressed of pleasure. I on the other hand am a man. I have the right to have pleasure with whom I want while you are like this”
The more I heard these words the hungrier and more suppressed and dominated I felt.
I went on to imagine Romano walking into one of the spare bedrooms and closing the door behind him.
As I looked through the key whole of the door I saw a naked beautiful woman sat on the side of the bed in front of where he was standing. He placed his hand on her head while she began to unzip his trousers before placing his full erect penis in her mouth and bringing her head closer to his pelvis to the point were she was choking. The whole scenario was making me groan with envy that Romano had suppressed my pleasure and was there with what appeared to be a prostitute.
I started touching myself as Romano pulled her up from the bed and made her turnover and kneel before sliding his penis that was dripping with saliva into her vagina and thrusting her hard causing her to scream with ecstasy.
All of a sudden I heard a groan in my ear; Romano had climaxed. I came back to reality to find myself in the same position on the sofa that I had seen the prostitute on the bed in my wild imagination.
Within a few days we had settled in and it felt as if we had lived there for years. Napoleon soon joined and was too busy running around her new adventure playground to remind me that he needed to be taken for walks every few hours. What a relief!
To my total amazement Romano began travelling ten kilometres home to lunch each day as well as arriving home half an hour earlier from work. I remembered how he never use to do that unless he knew that I would be meeting a friend for lunch. In these cases he would always make it.
This was a head screw and a half for me at that time. It was as if he only remembered me at lunch times if I had plans and it made me feel as if he was more interested in the company I was going to be with, yet if I was on my own like most lunch times he would have lunch at work and I would never be invited.
But things had changed. Maybe it had not been like I thought and now that everybody knew we had moved in together he felt as if he had more freedom to leave the office to come and meet me.
Just as Romano was closing the door behind him to head back to work after lunch Marilyn called. I couldn’t believe it! It was now about six months since I had last spoken to her. Anxious to catch up with all the news I invited her over that same afternoon.
While I was waiting for her I remembered our first meeting on the coast where the slim, bitter, well educated Lady desperately asked me for help as she too was close to loosing everything after leaving her long term employment to embark on a new business venture that failed.
My reminiscing was interrupted by the door bell. She had arrived. I opened the door and to my surprise Marilyn was no longer that frail, thin dark olive skinned lady that I knew. She had now gained at least five kilos and looked healthier than I had ever seen her before.
Marilyn greeted me and followed me to the living room. For the first time in our brief friendship she was very cheerful and just couldn’t wipe the large smile off her face. When I asked why she was so happy she stated that she had made up with her ex boyfriend. I couldn’t for the life of me believe what I was hearing. What was even harder to digest was that the guy had in the recent past left her for someone else only to take her back when she dumped him!
We spent hours talking and laughing about our days as working girls, although at the time they were no laughing matter. Marilyn had been lucky, she had only experienced a few weeks in the profession, but I guess when you attend a few clients its like attending 400. I on the other hand had been working fifteen months and during that time I never thought I would be affected physiologically but the future was yet to tell.
“So Diana, do you still have any contact with any of your ex clients?” she asked.
“Actually yes, quite a few of the old regulars that had my private number”
“Really? But why do they contact you? Do they want you to work and what about Romano?”
“No” I laughed. “They contact me now and again to see how things are going and how I am coming along. There is no disrespect at all. Really, they are friends. And as far as Romano is concerned, I don’t hide anything from him and he trusts me, so why should he think anything? I tell him everything and that’s what he admires about me”
Changing the subject I asked her if her return to her ex boyfriend was the only reason for her change of Spirit or if there was something else that she wasn’t telling me about. Marilyn bowed her head and within moments tears began rolling down her face. As she tilted her head to the side to wipe the tear that filled her right eye I knelt down in front of her to console her and apologise for having upset her.
Marilyn’s tears suddenly turned into a hysteric laugh as the smile took over her face and asked
“Have you ever heard of Sousa Martins” she asked
“Sousa who? Was he an ex client of yours or maybe mine”?
She gave out another laugh and shook her head while reaching for her cigarettes.
“No Darling. Sousa Martins was a Doctor who died around a hundred years ago. His remains are buried in the cemetery of Alhanda. It is believed that this Doctor has helped those who seek him”
I sat there quietly as not to disappoint Marilyn with my opinions on such subjects. I knew the direction she was heading in and I didn’t believe in any spirits although I believed that the mind was the most powerful tool to make things happen. I did believe however that the more people believed in a place or an entity, the greater the power would be derived from it, but off course…only if you believed in one way or another.
It brought back the distraught, suffocating days of my cocaine habit and how I too in desperation had arrived at the sanctuary of Fatima, not for believing what had happened there as to me the whole story was a creation of the government in desperation to create a faith in times of war. But rather, I had gone there to be surrounded by the powerful energy that the millions of believers had accumulated there and if I believed in this energy, it would work miracles, thus the power of the mind was the most powerful tool.
Marilyn eventually began to explain why she had felt driven to pay Dr Sousa Martins a visit. She was a strong believer in witchcraft and was convinced that someone had performed it on her to separate her from her ex boyfriend. Further, she believed that the same had been done to wreck her financial life.
I continued listening and analysing Marilyn and her conversation in silence. Firstly there would be no logical explanation why anybody would want to steal her boyfriend from her and secondly, why she thought that someone had performed witchcraft to make her loose her money when at the end of the day, nobody would gain it was far beyond me.
Just as I analysed her I had analysed many people who had resorted to believing that there lives were upside down due to this type of situation. It was as if people felt the necessity to believe that someone was out to get them by performing such rituals. It was an easy excuse instead of believing that the power was in fact in their control and the problem was actually getting up on their feet and finding solutions to solve their problems.
What these people didn’t realise was what I had to discover for my self years before when I too had been influenced into believing in the same. The difference between me and them was that I went out and read everything I could on the subject to the point of questioning it all and discovering that magic is only made in the senders head and it will only function if the receiver lets it in by believing and thus giving it power.
I had spent endless months trying to figure out why such rituals were performed with such things as coloured candles etc and finally concluded that instruments such as those are just mere tools to get the mind into the right direction, but at the end of the day, it was the power of the mind and the believing that prevailed above all.
But I had told Marilyn all this before. However as she was to involved in believing in it rather than going out and investigating for herself, she couldn’t break the negative bubble. I had told her that the more she believed, the more she would feed the negativity and the more it would function until it became a destructive cycle, if anybody had in fact been trying anything in the first place. If they hadn’t then she would still be in the exact situation as her fear of it happening and being real actually brought about all the negative consequences, be it on her or on anyone around her whom she believed it was aimed at.
Marilyn asked if she could confided in me and upon my look of dismay at her ridiculous question she sighed and said and asked me to make her a cup of coffee.
I headed to the kitchen and left her there to figure out how she was going to tell me.
Upon my return I handed Marilyn the large cup of double espresso, a habit that she had picked up when she use to keep me company in between my clients.
“Ah, you remembered that since I met you I only drink large cups” she said with a smile.
“How could I forget? I use to spend my time making you those cups whilst you were reading the tarot. By the way, do you still read them? Please say not as often as you did”
“I actually stopped since visiting the cemetery no” she replied
“Fantastic. I always tried to tell you that your life was evolving around those cards. I was really worried about you. It was not healthy and absolutely not normal”.
Marilyn began explaining the whole history of what she wanted to explain and thus began by going back a year. The bad choice she had made on leaving her long term unemployment turned her life upside down and she began to feel suspicious about all those who she cared for including her boyfriend.
This one day she was so convinced he was having an affair with a Brazilian girl as he had greeted her in a local bar. Her paranoia led her to consult a friend, Lucy who laid down normal playing cards. Lucy advised Marilyn to seek a more powerful person in the same field who would solve the problem regarding her relationship. But little did Marilyn know what she was letting herself into.
Marilyn took Lucy’s advice and made an appointment to visit the old Lady in Cascais.
Upon laying down the tarot the lady stated that Marilyn’s boyfriend was under the influence of witch craft, and the reason was to split them up. On asking her for help and advice, the old woman quickly suggested that they perform a “tying up spell”. This would then mean that Marilyn’s boyfriend would only be able to have sexual intercourse with her.
Marilyn agreed before negotiating the price with the lady who was quick to advice her that a further ritual costing a further 200euros could be necessary as the spell against her and her boyfriend was extremely strong. And off course, it was necessary!
Within a few weeks her relationship with her boyfriend was deteriorating rather than improving and there was no sign of the Brazilian girl again. However, two months later Marilyn discovered that her failing relationship had led her boyfriend to leave her for an Eastern stripper.
This was not only Marilyn’s problem. Her real problem came when she met me. Her insistence that she was infested with spells led me to try and educate her with what I had concluded from my studies on the subject.
I also told her that “what goes around comes around” and that what you consciously try to do to others will come back on you as the sub conscious is a very powerful tool.
“Its always important to have a clear conscious to be able to differentiate between paranoia and reality. It is also a prerequisite to achieve future positively. A conscious of one who is guilty will inevitably bring future negativity which in turn will turn to reality”
Unknowingly this gave birth to a seed of dynamite in Marilyn’s subconscious that was ready to grow and take over her being and although at the time she was not really paying attention to what I was saying as she was a firm believer of witchcraft, the part about “what comes around goes around” became firmly imbedded. Further, knowing that she had agreed and paid the lady to perform the ritual on her boyfriend when in reality there was nothing going on between him and the Brazilian made her believe that she had actually caused him to go off with the stripper.
Marilyn’s salvation from the mess she had created for herself came when one morning her house cleaner who was forever full of stories and chit chat said that she would have to take the following Friday off work as she wanted to go and visit the cemetery in Alhandra. As Marilyn’s curiosity towards theses things are strong she naturally asked the lady why and the lady explained.
Even though the old lady’s age prevented her from cleaning properly and her love of chatting prevented it further, Marilyn trusted her. Her age had provided her much experience and her warm, loving heart gave Marilyn the drive necessary to pay the cemetery a visit herself.
In conclusion Marilyn made her way to the cemetery and asked Doctor Soussa Martins to forgive her for allowing the witch to convince her to carry out the spell.
Within a few weeks and to her surprise, her ex boyfriend called her and they had been together since.
My opinion stood firm but I didn’t disappoint Marilyn. I guess her desperation was such that she had visited a place where many believe and had looked for that positive energy to surround her. Well it did and so much so that it cleared her mind and allowed her to leave that guilty negative energy behind, so that the next time her ex contacted her, she vibrated positively.
Shortly after Marilyn had left, Carla called to see how things were going. Carla and I shared a lot in common; the same age, mentalities, upbringings and outlook in life. We met each other in a night spot in Cascais a year after I had arrived in the country and ever since we had remained the best of friends. She was one of a very few women that I respected and liked since living in the country but due to my past profession I had spent very little time with her although we would chat daily on the phone.
Carla met Marilyn back in the days when Marilyn worked in my apartment and as soon as I told her that she had been around that same afternoon she was eager to learn what had become of her.
As I was explaining Marilyn’s visit to the cemetery and how it appeared to have done her the world of good, Carla asked for more details so she to could visit it. This came as quite a shock to me as we shared the same views on the subject but I also knew that she had been suffering from severe headaches and thus interpreted it as a need to find a positive place to visit.
Early the following morning Carla did just that, bought herself a map and headed to the cemetery only to call me when she was in the neighbourhood to say she had just witnessed a huge pile up on the motorway that stood high to the left of the road she was travelling on in the cemetery direction. The accident involved four or five trucks and the driver cabin of one of them was compact like sardines in a tin.
“Diana, who ever is in that truck is smashed up into a million pieces. It would take more than a miracle for someone to get out of there in less than two pieces”
Quarter of an hour later she called me back again.
“Diana, you are never going to believe this. I’m in the cemetery; actually I’m already outside Dr. Sosa Martins tomb. This is creepy shit. The cemetery is placed on a hill overlooking the motorway. I can see the accident site clearly and the smashed up truck I was talking about is directly in front of the tomb”
As Carla said this I taken over with a cold shiver but soon brushed it off wondering that if it was all so Holy, why did the people in that one truck get smashed to pieces?
Something told me to do the unusual and switch on the tv. Within half an hour the news came on and one of the headlines that was broadcast was the accident.
“Oh my good God” I shouted as I watched the images of the tinned truck only to hear the reporter say that the driver of that truck had miraculously survived and escaped with minor injuries.
Like me Carla felt a necessity to read up on everything that had anyway managed to catch her attention. It was her way of analysing things and reaching her own conclusions so that same afternoon she returned home with a pile of books she bought on Sousa Martins and that same evening read them all only to give me the break down the following day.
“This is amazing Diana. I mean this author is fantastic. He writes so clearly and for the first time in this country, I have found a Portuguese person who thinks like us. We are not mad after all” she said with a giggle adding “You can be sure I’m going to contact him and congratulate him”
Within hours Carla called me back. She had written an e mail in English to to the author, certainly not expect a reply and to her disbelief he replied within the next few days.
come and meet me. But all in all, things were definitely different
CHAPTER FOUR
It was now two days since we had moved into our new home and the smell of the
freshly loaned grass that trespassed through the open windows fused with the smell of roses that Romano had brought home during the lunch time making me relieved to be far away from the confusion.
Shortly after Romano headed back to work Marilyn called. I couldn’t believe it! It was now six months since I had last spoken to her. Anxious to catch up with all the news I invited her over to our new place that same afternoon.
While I was waiting for her I remembered our first meeting on the coast where the slim, bitter, well educated Lady desperately asked me to help her as she too was close to loosing everything after leaving her long term employment to embark on a new business venture that failed.
My reminiscing was interrupted by the door bell. She had arrived. I opened the door and to my surprise Marilyn was no longer that frail, thin dark olive skinned lady that I remembered. She had now gained at least five kilos and looked healthier than I had ever seen her before.
Marilyn greeted me and followed me to the living room, swaying her head continuously as she examined every corner of the room before congratulating me on our cosy home. For the first time in our brief friendship she was radiant and cheerful unable to disguise the permanent smile on her face. When I immediately inquired into her happy mood she advised me that she had made up with her ex boyfriend. I couldn’t for the life of me believe what I was hearing and asked her to repeat herself as the guy had in the recent past left her for someone else only to take her back when she dumped him!
We spent hours talking and giggling endlessly about our days as working girls, although at the time it was no laughing matter. Marilyn had been lucky, she had only experienced a few weeks in the profession, but I guess when you attend a few clients its like attending 400. I on the other hand had been worked fifteen months and during that time I never thought I would be affected physiologically but the future was yet to tell.
“So Diana, do you still have any contact with any of your ex clients?” she asked.
“Actually yes, with quite a few of the old regulars. The ones who have my private number”
“Really? But why do they contact you? Do they want you to work and what about Romano?”
“No” I laughed. “They contact me now and again to see how things are going. There is no disrespect at all. Really, they are friends. And as far as Romano is concerned, I don’t hide anything from him and he trusts me, so why should he think anything? I tell him everything and that’s what he admires about me”
Changing the subject I asked if her return to her ex boyfriend was the only reason for her change of Spirit. Marilyn bowed her head and within moments tears began rolling down her face. As she tilted her head to the side to wipe the tear that filled her right eye I knelt down to console her and apologised for having upset her. Marilyn’s tears suddenly turned into a hysteric laugh as the smile took over her face and asked
“Have you ever heard of Sousa Martins”
“Sousa who? Was he an ex client of yours or maybe mine”?
She gave out another loud giggle, shook her head and reached for a cigarettes.
“No Darling. Sousa Martins was a Doctor who died around a hundred years ago. His remains are buried in the cemetery of Alhanda. It is believed that this Doctor has helped those who seek him”
I sat there quietly as not to disappoint Marilyn with my opinions on such subjects. I knew the direction she was heading in and I didn’t believe in any spirits although I believed that the mind was the most powerful tool to make things happen. I did believe however that the more people believed in a place or an entity, the greater the power would be derived from it, but off course…only if you believed in one way or another.
It brought back the distraught, suffocating days of my cocaine habit and how I too in desperation had arrived at the sanctuary of Fatima, not for believing what had happened there as to me the whole story was a government stunt in a desperation to create a faith in times of war. But rather, I had gone there to be surrounded by the powerful energy that the millions of believers had accumulated there and if I believed in this energy, it would work miracles, thus the power of the mind was the most powerful tool.
Marilyn eventually began to explain why she had felt driven to pay Dr Sousa Martins a visit. She was a strong believer in witchcraft and was convinced that someone had performed it on her to separate her from her ex boyfriend and same had been done to wreck her financial life.
I continued listening and analysing Marilyn and her conversation in silence. Firstly there would be no logical explanation why anybody would want to steal her boyfriend from her and secondly, why she thought that someone had performed witchcraft to make her loose her money when at the end of the day, nobody would gain it was far beyond me.
Just as I analysed her I had analysed many who had resorted to believing that there lives were upside down due to this type of situation. It was as if people felt the necessity to believe that someone was out to get them by performing such rituals. It was an easy excuse instead of believing that the power was in fact in their control and the problem actually getting up on their feet, having will power and finding solutions to solve their problems.
What these people didn’t realise was what I had to discover for my self years before when I too had been influenced into believing in the same. The difference between me and them was that I went out and read everything I could on the subject to the point of questioning it all and discovering that magic is only made in the senders head and it will only function if the receiver allows it in by believing and thus giving it power.
I had spent endless months trying to figure out why such rituals were performed with such tools such as coloured candles, numbers etc and finally concluded that instruments such as those are just to attain the correct vibrations to get the mind in the right direction, but at the end of the day, it was the power of the mind and the believing that prevailed.
But I had told Marilyn all this before but she was to involved in believing on the contrary to go out and investigate for herself and thus, couldn’t break the negative bubble that surrounded her. I tried to convince her that the more she believed, the more she would feed the negativity and the more it would function until it became a destructive cycle, if anybody had in fact been trying anything in the first place. If they hadn’t then she would still be in the exact situation as her fear of it happening and being real actually brought about all the negative consequences, be it on her or on anyone around her whom she believed it was aimed at.
Marilyn asked if she could confided in me and upon my look of dismay at her ridiculous question she sighed and smiled and asked me to make her a cup of coffee.
I headed to the kitchen and left her sat on the sofa to figure out how she was going to tell me.
Upon my return I handed Marilyn the large cup of double espresso.
“Ah, you remembered that since I met you I only drink large cups” she said with a smile.
“How could I forget? I use to spend my time making cup upon cup whilst you were reading the tarot. By the way, do you still read them? Please say not as often as you did”
“I actually stopped since visiting the cemetery” she replied
“Fantastic. I always tried to tell you that your life was evolving around those cards. I was really worried about you. It was not healthy and absolutely not normal”.
Marilyn began explaining the whole history of what she wanted to explain and thus began by going back a year. The bad choice she had made on leaving her long term unemployment turned her life upside down and she began to feel suspicious about all those who she cared for including her boyfriend.
This one day she became convinced he was having an affair with a Brazilian girl as he the young woman in a local bar. Her paranoia led her to consult a friend, Lucy who laid down normal playing cards. Lucy advised Marilyn to seek a more powerful help and visit a witch in Cascais in order to resolve the problem regarding her relationship. But little did Marilyn know what she was letting herself into.
Marilyn took Lucy’s advice and made an appointment. Upon laying down the tarot the lady stated that Marilyn’s boyfriend was under the influence of witch craft, and the reason being to split them up. On asking her for help and advice, the old woman quickly suggested that they perform a “tying up spell”. This would mean that Marilyn’s boyfriend would only be able to have sexual intercourse with her.
Marilyn agreed before negotiating the price with the lady who was quick to advice her that a further ritual costing a further 200euros could be necessary as the spell against her and her boyfriend was extremely strong. And off course, it was necessary!
Within a few weeks her relationship with her boyfriend deteriorated rather than improve and there was no sign of the Brazilian girl again. However, two months later Marilyn discovered that her failing relationship had led her boyfriend to leave her for an Eastern stripper.
This was not only Marilyn’s problem. Her real problem came when she met me. Her insistence that she was infested with spells led me to try and educate her with what I had concluded from my studies on the subject. I also told her that “what goes around comes around” and that what you consciously try to do to others will come back on you as the sub conscious is a very powerful tool.
“Its always important to have a clear conscious to be able to differentiate between paranoia and reality. It is also a prerequisite to achieve future positively. A conscious of one who is guilty will inevitably bring future negativity which in turn will turn to reality”
Unknowingly this gave birth to a seed of dynamite in Marilyn’s subconscious that was ready to grow and take over her being and although at the time she was not really paying attention to what I was saying as she was a firm believer of witchcraft, the part about “what comes around goes around” became firmly imbedded. Further, aware that she had agreed to perform the ritual on her boyfriend when in reality there was nothing going on between him and the Brazilian made her realise that she was actually the cause of him going off with the stripper.
Marilyn’s salvation from the mess she had created for herself came when one morning her house cleaner who was forever full of stories and chit chat said that she would be taking the following Friday off work to visit the cemetery in Alhandra. And of course, Marilyn felt inclined to ask why.
Even though the old lady’s age prevented her from cleaning properly and her love of chatting prevented it further, Marilyn trusted her. Her age had provided her much experience and her warm, loving heart gave Marilyn the drive necessary to pay the cemetery a visit herself.
In conclusion Marilyn made her way to the cemetery and asked Doctor Soussa Martins to forgive her for allowing the witch to convince her to carry out the spell and within a few weeks and to her utmost surprise, her ex boyfriend called her and they had been together since.
My opinion stood firm but I didn’t disappoint Marilyn. I guess her desperation was such that she had visited a place where many believe and had looked for that positive energy to surround her. Well it did and so much so that it cleared her mind and allowed her to leave that guilty negative energy behind, so that the next time her ex contacted her, she vibrated positively.
Shortly after Marilyn had left, Carla called. Carla and I shared a lot in common; the same age, mentalities, upbringings and outlook in life. We met each other in a night spot in Cascais a year after I had arrived in the country and ever since we had remained the best of friends. She was one of a very few women that I respected and that knew about my past profession.
Carla met Marilyn back in the days when Marilyn worked in my apartment and as soon as I told her that she had visited she was eager to learn what had become of her and I began explaining Marilyn’s visit to the cemetery and how it appeared to have done her the world of good.
Before I could finish Carla asked for more details so she to could visit it. This came as quite a shock to me as we shared the same views on the subject but I also knew that she had been suffering from severe headaches and thus interpreted it as a need to find a positive place to visit.
Early the following morning Carla did just that, bought herself a map and headed to the cemetery only to call me when she was in the neighbourhood to say she had just witnessed a huge pile up on the motorway that stood high to the left of the road she was travelling on in the cemetery direction. The accident involved four or five trucks and the driver cabin of one of them was compact like sardines in a tin.
“Diana, who ever is in that truck is smashed up into a million pieces. It would take more than a miracle for someone to get out of there in less than two pieces”
Quarter of an hour later she called me back again.
“Diana, you are never going to believe this. I’m in the cemetery outside Dr. Sosa Martin’s tomb. This is creepy shit. The cemetery is situated on a hill overlooking the motorway. I can see the accident site clearly and the smashed up truck I was talking about is directly in front of the tomb”
As she continued I was taken over by a cold shiver but soon brushed it off thinking that if the place was all so holy, why did the people in that one truck get smashed to pieces?
Suddenly something told me to do the unusual and switch on the tv. Within half an hour the news came on and one of the headlines was the accident.
“Oh my good God” I shouted as I watched the images of the tinned truck only to hear the reporter say that the driver had miraculously survived and escaped with minor injuries.
Like me Carla felt a necessity to read up on everything that had anyway managed to catch her attention. It was her way of analysing things and reaching her own conclusions so that same afternoon she returned home with a pile of books she bought on Sousa Martins and that same evening read them all only to give me the break down the following day.
“This is amazing Diana. I mean this author is fantastic. He writes so clearly and for the first time in this country, I have found a Portuguese person who thinks like us. I’m going to contact and congratulate him”
Within hours Carla called me back. She had written an e mail in English to to the author, certainly not expect a reply and to her disbelief he replied within the next few days.
CHAPTER FIVE
Carla’s contact with the writer was just the start of a whole new episode. It was to mark the start of many e mails exchanges for the weeks that followed and her growing friendship with him led her to suggest that we offered him my story; my history as a Prostitute as my attempt had failed.
The writer was thrilled at such an invitation to write about such a polemic topic but at the same time reluctant as not to offend his faithful readers and instead insisted that she should place pen to paper and worry about who would write the final version later. And this was how I was going to spend the following weeks; opening Pandora’s Box which was filled with my vivid memories and placing them all on paper to hand over to Carla.
Upon finishing my daily morning duty of taking care of my import and export business which I had been able to keep going through my crisis providing me with my basic living costs, I would find myself walking along the winding lanes of the country side silently screaming out for inspiration. Every sound, movement or smell reminded me of a sensation that brought back the necessary memories to run home and fill never ending pages until the owl’s took over the night duty.
In turn every word that I wrote brought back every single emotion and feeling that I had experienced during my profession. Every word brought back a distinct smell to my nostrils, a sense of sadness, hate, betrayal, loneliness and happiness. But every night those feeling and senses were left just where they placed; on paper and a sigh of relief that although I had gained the experience, it was all behind me.
Romano was my rock during this time. He would arrive home like an excited child impatient to read my memoirs before heading to the kitchen to cook the dinner to then wait patiently until the end of the night when I would follow him to bed.
The more I wrote about my experience and history with Romano the stronger I felt my relationship was becoming. The negative feelings that were the fruits of my past profession creating the perfect ingredients for a potent cocktail of head screws towards him were now taken over by a positive outlook. And for the first time I realised how much Romano had done and sacrificed for our relationship and thus how much he really cared about me and making us work.
We could both feel that the iron wall that had been the obstacle between us was now dissolving to rubble and not a day would pass when Romano wouldn’t arrive home with bunches of assorted flowers to continuously rejuvenate the energy in the house.
Finally all my memoirs were placed on paper and ready to be handed to Carla who set straight to work on condensing, structuring and rewriting the literature to then forward it to the writer.
To my dismay, on completion she decided she was not satisfied with her work and advised me that wanted to become a prostitute for the day.
“I’m not happy with this Diana. I need to get into your skin, I mean emotionally. I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to attend a few clients”
“Carla, are you crazy? Why on earth do you want to lower yourself so much? You have done a good job. I really don’t think it will be of any benefit. Please, don’t go there”
“Diana. You know what I am like. Come on, are you going to help me with this or not”
While she was speaking all I could think of was how I too had said a similar thing to Simon and how he had volunteered to be my first client knowing that it was useless trying to change my mind when it was already made up.
I was left in an awkward situation as I feared she could resent me in the future. After all, logically speaking what is the difference between sleeping with clients to right a book and doing it for a living? But Carla continued insisting and before I knew it I was helping her make all the necessary arrangements to go through with it.
The new phone card was purchased and now I was left to place the advert in the newspaper.
To my surprise Ana, the same Lady who had intimidated me on my first ever call answered.
“Hello, Correio Da Manha. Can I help you?”
Before I could say another word she recognised my voice!
“Diana. How are you? How have you been? It’s been so long now, six months maybe. I What happened, are you ok?”
After a five minute conversation with this sweet lady who at the time was part of my team I jokingly asked if she still remembered my advert.
“Off course I do. Carcavelos, licenciada. 27 anos…Convive casa própia…Discreto e privado. Telefone...”
“Yes! My God you remember it perfectly” I said with a giggle before asking her to place it again the following day.
“What!? You are starting again Diana? No, don’t do it again, it would be such a shame. You have come so far to go back to that life now. Really, it’s not a life for anyone”
I couldn’t believe it! This Lady who I had never met before was genuinely concerned making me feel entitled to convince her that the advert was not for me, which immediately reminded me that I had change the original phone number.
Carla was now all set; phone card bought and advert placed for the following Friday one minor detail; where would all of this take place? Her house was out of the question because of her soon to be husband so was mine as the last thing I wanted to do was disrespect Romano. The only person that came to mind was my best friend Alex who was now renting my apartment and without hesitating I picked up the phone and called him asking if I could use the apartment.
“Off course you can. Since when have you been afraid to do so” he giggled before I began to explain the whole story.
“What? Are you absolutely out of your mind? You have got to be joking right?”
It took some time but I eventually managed to convince him stating that it was all for a worth while cause; research. And further, reminding him that he was in fact living in an ex whore house so what was the difference? It was a weak excuse but it worked and Alex arranged to leave the keys in electricity meter the following Friday on condition that we didn’t use his bedroom and that we disposed of the condoms out of the apartment.
CHAPTER 6
My recent daily walks in my quest for inspiration had triggered in me an appetite for more. The whole new world that was now my surroundings in the wilderness left me curious and wanting to explore every pebble, every tree and every little minor detail in the area.
The day before meeting Carla at Alex’s I decided to go for a double length walk with the dog to make up for the following day so off I set with Napoleon on yet another adventure.
The sun was shinning stronger than a summer’s day despite all the autumn leaves decorating all the pebble stones with their golden warm tones and the bare ancient trees looking sad without them. Somehow I remembered having walked down this particular path before and when I approached the bottom I realised that it led to the glorious house that we had made our home for those few happy days. Not being able to face the bitter emotions of being deprived of the house I pulled Napoleon and headed forward towards the coffee shop that could be seen in the distance.
As we walked down Napoleon stopped to greet a hedgehog and as I waited patiently for him to get bored of his new found friend I looked back at the house and saw the stupid Landlady closing the big doors behind her and enter her car.
When Napoleon finally finished we restarted our trek down the path and heard her turn on the engine only to switch it off again. As we reached the café I sat down at the petite iron table and ordered an orange juice for myself and a slice of buttered toast for Napoleon and began unwinding with the chorus of birds while gazing up the lane that led to the house when suddenly I saw the Landlady approaching the café.
Within a few minutes she arrived and to my dismay sat on the other side of the empty café terrace. Out of politeness tried effortlessly not to look in her direction as to avoid any badly taken confrontation on either part but the more I tried the harder it was becoming as I could feel her stare burning the side of my face. Suddenly I felt like a magnet had pulled my eyes towards her and there she was sipping her juice looking in my direction from the top of her eyes causing me to look away expressionless become I became aggravated.
All of a sudden the woman stood up and began walking out down my isle and as she passed us Napoleon to jump on her. I quickly apologised as I knew that Napoleon didn’t have a muzzle like the law demanded but the women immediately started making a scene, threatening to make a complaint against the dangerous dog. Suddenly I noticed that she had a whole in her jumper and before she could see it herself I gave her my phone number and asked her to call me so that I could arrange to pay for it. But the woman just kept mumbling in her aristocratic low voice and walked off in a huff.
Nervous with what the spoilt woman was capable of doing if she didn’t get her way I paid the bill and headed back home trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get out of the mess that Napoleon had created.
Just as I was arriving at the door Romano called. The landlady had called the estate agents and they in turn had called him for my number, despite me having given it to her in the first place. But then I remembered, I wasn’t dealing with a normal person so I presumed that she needed a middle man to pass on the message. I explained what had just happened to Romano and said he would resolve the problem.
Within a few minutes Romano called again. The landlady would not speak to him stating that she would only speak to the person responsible, that being me. The estate agent had requested that I meet her in the house at three O’clock that afternoon.
When Romano arrived home for lunch he was adamant to accompany and resolve the problem. After all, he knew what I was faced with and knowing what she was capable of he was just as petrified as me that she would make a complaint inevitably leading to Napoleon being destroyed. But my intuition was telling me that I had to go alone or else matters would become out of control.
By two forty five I was already stood panicking outside the huge doors wondering how the hell I was going to get away with this. The day we were put through the humiliating experience was still fresh in my mind and every time the soft breeze whistled past my cheeks I was hit by the reality that Napoleon’s life was in jeopardy.
At exactly five to three my phone rang. It was the Estate agent
“I’m sorry Diana but the Lady requested that you return at the same time on Saturday”
I couldn’t believe it. All that torture for nothing. All the torment and agony of waiting to be told that once again the Lady had to show her power and make me spend the next few days feeling it with greater intensity.
The following morning just as I was about to close the front door to meet Carla I turned around and saw Napoleon laying on the grass soaking up the warm rays of morning sunshine before it disappeared for what appeared to be an eternity behind the never ending dark clouds that where approaching in the distance. Reality hit me once again and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get the dreaded woman off my mind.
I arrived at Alex’s building. Carla was already in the street waiting in her car. I knocked on the window and suggested we made our way up.
Carla was nervous and desperately trying to hide it behind her brave expression and to brush it off asked what was wrong with me so I began telling her the dreadful experience of the previous day and briefing her on my past encounter with the landlady to make her aware of just how serious it could all become.
Before I could close tAlex’s front door behind us Carla headed straight to the kitchen began to rummage through the cupboard until she eventually found coffee. I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible on the uncomfortable plastic stole watching her nervously trying to bring herself together as she prepared the cups and waited for the brew to percolate. As she handed me the cup the phone rang causing her to drop it missing her foot by inches.
“Shit! That’s why I’m nervous. I’ve been having nightmares on answering that phone! I can’t do it. I don’t know what to say”
“Come on Carla, if there is no changing your mind about this then answer the phone yourself. This is much easier for you than it was for me back when I started; I mean I didn’t have anyone by my side. I had to learn it all myself. You are doing this because you want to, not out of necessity, so pull yourself together and answer”
She sat down on the opposite stool while I mopped up the spilt coffee and broken china and remained silent looking out of the window nervously shaking her shaking feet.
As I mopped I broke the silence by explaining what to do and at the same time hoping that she would not be stubborn and maybe back out of her ridiculous decision.
As I explained a mixture of emotions took over my being; the fear, the desperation and the loneliness all came flooding back to blocking my throat to the point I felt as if I was being chocked. Unlike Carla I had nobody there to explain and support me on my first day and only then did I realise how desperate I was to have gone through it all alone.
“Sorry Carla. I was just remembering my first day”
“Yes I will tell you something for nothing; you sure had a lot of courage. I don’t think people would understand just how much. What’s even freakier is that you actually attended these guys day in day out, alone in this place”
“So what the hell is your problem” I said in an attempt to give her the courage to answer the phone.
We finished our coffees. There were no excuses left accept to get down to business. Carla still refused to answer the constantly ringing phone although she was as determined as ever to go through the whole thing, so, on the next ring it was all down to me.
“Hello. Diana. Is that you?
I was absolutely speechless! How did this person know my name? Then it hit me. Even though this was a different phone number it was my old advert. Oh my God, all the sensations came flooding back with more force than ever making me feel as if I was still back in that dimension.
“Hi, sorry to be rude but whom am I speaking too?”
“I don’t know if you remember me, its Joao, I visited you about a year ago. Actually, I have been with you a few times. It’s so good to finally get hold of you again. Well I have been constantly been trying but your usual work number is was always off” he said
I should have guessed it was a “Joao”. The majority were Joaos, Pedros or Carlos’s.
But unlike my working days in which I would probe deeper into the conversation to remember exactly which so called “Joao” it was, I just left it at that, a “Joao” and informed him that I was no longer working.
“You stopped working? What do you mean? But you have an advert. Does it mean that you are the “Madam” now?”
I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t predicted this so after a few seconds pause I took a chance and replied yes, would he would like to make a booking.
“Well Diana, I was thinking of being with you really. No thanks, I’ll wait to see if you start working again. See you around”
“Lovely” I thought. Guess that’s one person who wants to see me hit the bottom again so he could “wait to see if I start working again” How negative!
As soon as I hung up different memories came flooding back with different sensations; and I recalled being the receptionist for the girls in the whore house whilst I was flying high on cocaine and being threatened by the local mafia.
The next call was similar to the first and so was the third and fourth. Great I thought to myself. Towards the end of my profession calls were scarce due to the economical crises but now what a surprise, all of a sudden they see the advert and start calling.
Finally I answered to a new caller.
“Hello. I’m calling regarding the advert in today’s newspaper. Am I speaking to the correct person? Can you give me some information please?”
Before the man could ask any further questions I replied
“Yes of course I can. I’m 27 years old, 1 meter 65 tall, slim build, good bust, long hair and green eyes”
“Sounds good but can you tell me your measurements please? And do you work alone”
“Yes, I work alone. Sorry I don’t know my measurements but I assure you will not be disappointed” Before he could say anything else I added
“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you come around? If you are not pleased with what you find you can leave with no hard feelings”.
Immediately the man sounded more relaxed and booked leaving Carla half an hour before receiving her first guinea pig client.
Carla struggled without success during this time, dreading the client’s call to ask for the building number. Initially she had said she was just nervous about answering the phone but the cold truth was that she was dreading the whole experience or had initially fooled herself. But her stubborn nature refused defeat and the more I mentioned closing the curtains the angrier she would became as her iron wall became transparent.
“Carla look at how many writers write about issues such as serial killers etc. It doesn’t mean that they have to go out and kill to try and get in their skin”
“No, you are absolutely correct but there again, I wouldn’t take their opinion seriously exactly because they had no proof of what they where saying. How can you second guess something like that? Oh and please make us another coffee” she said trying desperately harder to hide her fear.
“Well I really do hope it will never cross your mind to write about something of that nature” I laughed in an attempt to lighten the heavy atmosphere before adding,
“Relax, and remember that I will be in the room next door. Greet the client and take him to the spare bedroom. Be confident and create conversation and in the mean ask him if he would like to use the bathroom”
She sat there listening as if she had never heard anything like this before despite the fact that she had spent the past week reading my drafts and writing about it.
“Then take your clothes off and ask the guy to do the same. With minimum luck he will already be accustomed to the process. Once that is done ask him to sit on the bed and then let your own initiative take over, and make the first move. Get on top of him, start kissing him and playing with his penis. What ever you do don’t place it into your mouth without a condom even if it’s not erect”
Carla continued listening. I could see by her face that she was thinking easier said than done.
“Then after a while move up closer to his face and see if he wants to be on top or below or even if he guides you into another position. That’s basically it. It should be over in a few minutes unless you are unlucky and have one of the minorities who go on forever. If that’s the case, go on top. If that doesn’t work, tell him his time is coming to an end. Remember, you are doing this for work experience. You will never see him again. Oh….then receive the money. Actually no, don’t do as I did, do as I say. Ask for it first.”
I recalled the patience I had with all those men and how I had become friends with the majority, treating them all as equal individuals and never like Rozen, my ex room mate had advised me to do, in other words, exactly what I was telling Carla to do. But he was right, that was the professional way. But my respect for all those who respected me, or the respect they had returned to me had prevented me from being how the so called professionals were suppose to be; cold. And above all, my attitude had prevented me from seeing those men as mere clients, but rather as unique individuals and not just euro signs.
My reminiscing was interrupted with the phone again. Carla got up of her stool and began pacing up and down the kitchen floor like a wild animal in a cage as I answered it. It was her first client advising that he was already in the street so I gave the man the rest of the directions and hung up.
“Oh my God. What am I going to do?” she asked smiling nervously.
I asked a last time if she wanted to change her mind and for first time in our history she admitted she was nervous after failing dreadfully to convince us both. I handed her a few condoms, wished her good luck and made my way to one of the bedrooms.
The door bell rang. She hesitated behind the door knowing that there was no way of escaping her decision to face who was on the other side and taking a deep breath pulled it open to be face to face with an old man with greying hair.
As she tried to get her breath back she pulled her long hair over her shoulder, greeted him and asked him to come in. The man did as he was told and suspiciously followed her directly into the bedroom.
“Are you alone here Cindy? Have you worked long” he asked as he looked curiously around the typical bachelor bedroom.
“Yes I’m alone. This is my first time, so please excuse me for being quite nervous”
The man was as equally nervous and with a sharp sixth sense of a woman was not at all convinced she was alone. He asked permission to use the bathroom and Carla began undressing to reveal a black lacy thong and matching bra before laying stomach down on the bed nervously awaiting the mans return.
The man, who looked no younger than fifty five walked back into the room “My dear, do you really use aftershave. Your bathroom is full of mens…” he was unable to finish the sentence as his eyes became magnetised by Carla’s wriggling bum forcing him to undress without further a question to reveal all his grizzly assets. At that moment Carla’s heart beat faster than she ever had imagined making her doubt for the first time in her life if she should accept defeat and advice the man she couldn’t go through with it.
“Won’t you come and join me”? She asked with a forced smile before she could change her mind
“Off course I will join you dear. How could I refuse to join such a sweetheart?”
The man made his way to the black playboy duvet cover that Carla was stretched on and as he got nearer his tone of voice began to change abruptly.
“How, how delicious you are my dear. What a juicy butt this is” he said as he began squeezing it before taking a small bite.
Carla jumped as she felt his cold wet saliva against her flesh. How could a man come and have sex with me without knowing what he was going to find. “What if I had been obese, disgusting even, would he still be able to have an erection?” she asked herself continuously as she now felt like piece of meat. In a desperate attempt to rid herself of that negative feeling she decided it was time to take over the show as all she had written came flying back to her as if the story was her own and her instincts were telling her that this was a “Lost case”.
She turned over onto her back and although the mans penis was not erect it didn’t effect her confidence knowing that it wasn’t uncommon with nervous men and especially those above fifty five. He got on his knees and forcefully pulled her legs apart and began licking her vagina furiously causing her to want to vomit as she felt the mix of rough skin and cold saliva forcing her eyes to escape the ugly site. “Sit up and get the condom. And take control. This is bloody revolting!” she thought to herself.
As she was treading the side of the bed with her fingers to find it, the man wouldn’t move his head so she tuned over slightly, turning him over and made her way down to his penis. As she was about to rip open the package the man raised his head
“Come on darling. You can’t put a condom on a limp penis. It’s too soon. You have to turn me on first. Stick it in your mouth dear; go on, all of it”
The disrespect was showing replaced Carla’s nerves with a sense of revenge as she was more than aware that the man thought he could take advantage of her as it was her first time, just like had happened with me. Ignoring his wishes she placed the condom on before slipping his penis into her mouth, relieved to discover that the man’s constant complaining replaced by groans as he caressed her hair and forced his penis further into her mouth to the point that she heaved.
“Oh Darling you are so good, just like a true whore. Go on; suck it all out of me. Go on darling, you can do it”
She continued sucking and at the first sign of erection remembered my infallible position to make the men climax and so, sat on top of him, placing his penis in her dry vagina while he squeezed her breasts tightly and desperately tried to reach her nipples with his mouth.
Those few seconds were sufficient to see her life flash before her and she now clearly understand the meaning “leaving her body in the room while her soul was no where to be found” and became reconnected when the man gave out a prolonged cry of ecstasy and climaxed.
Before his groans could completely finish she wrapped herself in a towel and ran to a corner of the bedroom to prevent him from touching her further and there she remained until the man got up and dressed.
Finally he was looking like when he arrived; a proper gentleman and before he could tie his shoe lace Carla was already leading him down the corridor to the front door and as she was about to let him out she remembered that she had forgotten something, the money! “Well, I didn’t go through that for nothing” she thought to herself and politely advised him what she had forgotten to take it at the start.
“I’m so sorry my dear. I completely forgot too, how silly of me” he said with an innocent air and retrieved the money from pocket before Carla closed the door behind him with a sigh.
“My God Diana. That was horrific! What a disgusting experience! I could never have imagined what it would have felt like” she said as she ran to meet me. But before she continued she excused herself and went into the bathroom where she remained for at least an hour. I could understand why she did it. It was like a cleansing ritual, not just for the skin but for the body and soul. It was also a way of warming up after a cold experience and recharging energy to regain the strength to do it all again.
Carla finally came out of the bathroom releasing a cloud of steam through the corridor as she made her way to the kitchen to join me.
“Are you sure you want to continue Carla? Really, I think you have got the picture now” I said
Carla had her mind made up as usual and insisted that that I chose her a younger man the next time around so she could get a clearer picture. I didn’t really understand this as if you have done one you have done them all but I didn’t argue.
“I really had no idea what I was writing about. I mean, I did because you had explained everything but I would never have imagined what it actually felt like” she added
While she continued giving me the remaining details over coffee the phone rang again and it was know up to me to try and figure out if the person on the other side fitted Carla’s preference. How the hell am I going to figure this out? From my past experience as a receptionist I was more than aware that sometimes voices deceive. But finally what I believed to be the appropriate candidate made a booking and would arrive within fifteen minutes.
Carla was much calmer and more confident by now. Her nervous behaviour had by now been replaced with her normal sense of humour and the fifteen minutes soon evaporated
with the phone as a reminder. I gave the client the building and apartment number and made my way into the room.
She opened the door to a young dark haired man, dressed in jeans and a light woolly jumper who appeared no older than eighteen and taking advantage of his quiet shy appearance felt at ease to be herself and cheerfully introduced herself and asked his name, before remembering to ask him for the payment.
João kept his head low and followed her into the bedroom and stood at the door until she asked if he would like to use the bathroom. To her disbelief he replied no which reminded her instantly of my dreaded experience with Russell, the young client who left a trail of discretion on my bed.
Hoping for the best she began to undress and asked João if he would like to do the same.
His mouth fell wide open and his eyes instantly glued to her breasts as he hopelessly attempted to take off his jumper.
“Come here João. Come and lay next to me” she asked as she saw his painfully erect penis and reached out for his hand, directing him to lie on his back. Gently she began caressing his chest in an attempt to distract him while she ripped open the condom package with her teeth and placed it in her mouth to concentrate on rubbing his penis. As João’s head hit the pillow with sharp groans she fitted the condom on his thick penis and then placed it in her mouth. The faster and deeper she sucked it, the loader his groans became and every few seconds he would raise his head and look down at her, only to become increasingly excitement with what he was seeing.
“Stop. Please stop. If you continue I am going to come” He screamed.
That’s all that Carla really wanted. She wanted it to be over so that she could reconnect body and soul.
The man who was now perspiring pulled her onto her back and clumsily struggled to mount her, forcing his penis into her vagina at such speed that he was having trouble fitting it in. He just couldn’t control his desire and continued until he eventually he made it disappear inside her. It was as if he was not experienced and the only thing that prevailed was reaching an orgasm without taking the pleasure of the act causing him to penetrate her quickly. Carla was confident that he wouldn’t last long and let out a convincing groan to speed up the process and it worked, Joao had climaxed.
By now he was no longer the shy guy who had walked into the room and begged Carla for a second chance.
“Sorry. The price only includes one orgasm”
But he continued pleading and when he finally realised that he was fighting a loosing battle he offered to pay double.
“I really am sorry. I didn’t want to tell you this but I have another client arriving within the next five minutes so I’m really pushed for time. Would you like to use the bathroom? If you do you really must hurry. I don’t like clients bumping into each other”.
As she sat on the bed with the towel wrapped around her watching Joao getting dressed a smile took over her face as she was pretty pleased with having arrived at a quick excuse as other women in the business would jump at the chance of an extra payment.
Carla closed the door behind Joao. Her day as a prostitute had come to an end.
“You can come out now. I’m done. Just going for a bath” she shouted at me.
Incredible I thought to myself. Just a few hours’ ago she looked and sounded as if she had been placed in a mince grinder!
With all the day’s excitement it hadn’t dawned on me to walk around the apartment; the four walls where I myself had attended around 400 clients and of which nearly three hundred had become my faithful regulars.
I barley recognised the living room as I stood at the double door entrance. The huge plasma screen that occupied a quarter of the wall in front of the two brown leather sofas had transformed the once colourfully art decorated room into a modern high-tech bachelor pad. The once plain floor was scattered with dark brown leather spreads and at the other end of the room was a glass cabinet stacked left, right and centre with sound equipment with remote controls decorating their surfaces. To the left of the cabinet sat an untidy pile of books which were in danger of collapsing with the breeze of a passing fly.
As I stared into the room the decoration seemed to fade and be replaced by the furniture and touch that I had once given it; my large wooden dinning room table and leather chairs, my hundreds of Cd’s stacked along to nearly cover a wall, my light coloured leather sofas and off course my few but tasteful art pieces and sculptures that had added life to the now cold room.
I had gone back in time, back to my working days. A shiver flew up my spin as my throat choked up, and out of nowhere came a nightmare feeling that I had the weight of the world on my shoulders again; the financial situation, the coke habit, the good clients, the bad ones, the loneliness, the being taken advantage off, the feeling of being used, the weight of the clients negativity, blackmail, emptiness, and most of all the dealing with falling in love under such suffocating circumstances. All the feelings that I had experienced during those fifteen months were now taking over my whole being with great intensity. All the mixed emotions simultaneously mixed together causing a cold sweat that made me run to the kitchen veranda for air.
Within minutes, the cold breeze that was blowing past successfully took with it the negativity that had occupied my body and soul and reminded me that those days were well and truly over. How on earth can women go through that all for the sake of money? How can a woman loose herself in all that negativity just as an easy way out? I thought as I was interrupted by Carla
“Hey, are you alright? You look as white as a ghost. What happened, are you ill or something?”
I should have been asking her the same question. But her experience had only made her feel what it was like to be in a prostitute’s skin and fortunately for her that experience did not provide a fraction of the suffering that I endured over those long fifteen months.
“Yes I’m fine. Let’s tidy up and get out of here”
I closed the door behind us, left the keys in the box and made our way home.
CHAPTER 7
It was now Saturday morning and the thought of meeting the deadful Landlady and finding out Napoleons fate had resulted in three agonizing sleepless nights.
It was two, forty five and like the previous time I found myself alone outside the huge doors but this time instead of being accompanied by the warm autumn sun, I found myself in the presence of the dark gloomy clouds threatening to open at any second and wash away any bits earth and residue that the nightly winds had scattered.
I heard a car approaching and to my dismay was confronted with the Landlady parking at the gates, forcing me to take a few steps back to allow her to do her many manoeuvres. Finally when she managed to park the small Smart into the ten foot gap she retrieved her Burberry handbag and tweed jacket from the passenger seat and made her way out, bowing her head as she walked passed me in silence. Just like the estate she struggled to find the magic key that matched the door lock of the back entrance. Suddenly it began to rain and out of politeness’ I asked the arrogant woman if she wanted help.
“No. No thank you. We shall talk at three O’clock”
I remained quietly watching and hearing the sound of the rain drops becomes stronger as we both became wetter. To my horror they began to fall torrentially forcing her to find the correct key quickly. When she finally did I made my way behind her struggling to escape the remainder of the storm but the door was slammed shut in my face. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how a person could have such a low attitude as this but her behaviour was telling me that I was heading for trouble and I shouldn’t react.
I looked at my mobile. It was now approaching three O’clock so I knocked the door. Only a minute later at exactly three on the dot the door opened. I walked through the kitchen entrance and found the drenched woman hiding behind the huge wooden door. As I had entered I was automatically taken over by the same vibrations of the past producing an immense feeling of dejavou and leaving me even more pessimistic than ever to confront the whole experience that lay ahead. Intimidated I stood in front of the drenched woman as I waited for her to tell me what I had for so long dreaded to hear.
“Follow me please” she asked as she made her way into the living room.
As I followed her Grace I was immediately taken over with the strong sense of positively that the living room oozed in terrifying doses and found myself creating conversation with the woman who was knelt down at the fire place trying to start a fire.
“I hope you understand why you are here” she uttered like a school teacher
“What happened at the cafe was despicable. That monster nearly killed me. I’m afraid it must be destroyed”
At that precise moment my stomach nearly came out of my mouth in a fiercer storm than that I had just witnessed and I ran in her direction and knelt down to place my hand on her shoulder and ask her to reconsider what she had just said. But the woman remained still looking into the new born flames and said aaaaa aaaaa aaaaa
“The dog is a hazard, a menace to society. I don’t see any other solution to this matter”
In a panic I bit my words as I was about to tell her that Napoleon must have picked up on her bad vibrations causing him to act the way he had but rather I looked around the room and tried to replace my fear with the overwhelming, powerful positively that was trapped inside those walls and said
“Please. I will pay anything. I’ll do anything. Just don’t make me put down my dog”
Suddenly the woman lifted her head and faced my direction without lifting her gaze from the wooden floor and began to take off her wet beige jumper to reveal a plain, beige bra that made her skin appear porcelain white.
“Then if you will do anything please rub down my back. The dampness is making me shiver” she asked as she handed me the jumper.
I couldn’t believe it. Here I was with this shy, spoilt excuse of a human being a few months from the day that she had forced us out of her home, being asked to rub down her wet back when my dog’s life was at risk! But without thinking or saying a word I did as I was told and knelt behind her facing the fire place, rubbing down her back and wondering where the hell this was all going to.
Suddenly I jumped up as a huge all mighty thunder exploded as if its intention was to crack the earth in half. When I looked down at the woman her eyes were no longer focused on the flames. They were closed as she swayed delicately from side to side making it perfectly clear where her thoughts were travelling. Before she had a chance to say anything that I might regret I knelt back down and continued where I had left off.
I closed my eyes and remembered the first day that I entered that living room and how it had fuelled me with the strength to see everything in a positive perspective and this was now the test.
As I continued rubbing her back my mind drifted of to Alexandra and I remembered how she would kiss me as she lay beside me, just teasing me before placing her fingers into my vagina until my whole being was filled with a burning sensation, an unexplainable feeling of warmth and excitement and an urge to feel her vagina lips rub against mine with the warm sticky juices that her fingers were creating. The indescribable feeling of being caressed by smooth, silky skin against my body in sensual movements of tenderness, love and exploding passionate desire that I felt every time we touched each other, was enough to fill the room that I was now in with the power of every little tingle and every little sexual sensation that my body had experienced in Alexandra’s presence. This yes was the true feeling of ecstasy, the feeling of melting with sensual, burning passion. It was the never ending sensation that the slightest touch could lead the mind to trigger off the deepest desires without having to go through the act. It was the ultimate feeling and despite having slept with over four hundred men, only one of them had managed to come near to emancipating only half of the same powerful feelings whilst the others were deprived by their eagerness to fuck and climax to even imagine that this potion could indeed exist.
I opened my eyes to find the woman caressing her neck and breasts sensually as the flames reflected patterns on her skin. My thoughts and feelings had been so intense that she had lapped up every ounce of my thoughts and I was now left to untangle myself from the situation that I had helped create.
“I’m sorry. I am pushed for time I really must go” I said quietly
The woman came out of her trance, jumped up and snatched her jumper from my hand with a disgraced look and immediately covered her bra with it. As I said goodbye she was too embarrassed with the experience I had just witnessed to even have the courage to utter another word. But somehow my intuition warned me that my problem with this spoilt lady was not over by far. And I left feeling more positive as the energy of the room had regenerated me.
It had now been a few days since my experience with the landlady and even though my intuition advised me that I hadn’t heard the last of it, I was beginning to wonder if I was to be proved wrong.
Carla was feeling pretty positive with the adaptations she made to the book. Not only had she placed more emotion into her writing but she also rewrote it to accommodate more dialogue before sending it to the writer for approval.
A whole day and night passed as the writer began to devour each page she had written to then call her and say
“My dear Carla, congratulations on the amendments regarding the vivid feelings you poured into your work but my deep condolences on your new style of writing. Why on earth did you decide to write speech? Speech is for writers who prefer not to analyse. Nowadays it’s rare to find writers who revert to the old style. I’m sorry Carla but you have completely messed this up”
Speechless and extremely disappointed she felt like a school girl that would achieve bad grades for the exams she believed to have conquered and outstanding grades for those she thought she had failed. Hours of work had literally flown out of the window, taking with it her self confidence in her writing ability.
She greatly respected this old man for and thus couldn’t even question him but rather, do as he suggested and revert back to the original style. But there was a more serious problem; so sure that he would be pleased with the second draft she had eliminated the first from her computer. The only person who had the original copies was the writer and over her dead body was she going to tell him what she had done as the poor man would have every right to think she was insane!
So back to the drawing board she went in an attempt to turn the jammed packed pages of dialogue into normal paragraphs once again. And as the writer was unaware of her handicap he expressed his disappoint at the time it was taking her to complete the work.
“I’m sorry for having betted on your capabilities. But enough chat for now. We shall speak in a few months time when you have completed the book” he said ironically.
This filled her up with emptiness, as if she had lost the only person that had given her will power and support, but above all, the person responsible for making her believe in herself. But I made her realise what his true intentions were, he just wanted Carla to prove him wrong. Fortunately she took my advice, and saw the comment as a constructive criticism, finding more determination than ever to prove to him that he had made a good investment.
My relationship with Romano couldn’t have been stronger during this time making us feel more bonded than ever before. His continual support for the success of the book despite the fact that he had everything to loose if people discovered my identity just further proofed his devotion.
Hardly a day would go by without the exchange of hundreds of romantic text messages and hardly a day would pass that I didn’t wish away just waiting for the clock to strike six so that I could be in his arms again.
My life evolved totally around him. If I didn’t have this obsessive love feeling with my partners I couldn’t even think of being in the relationship and letting it grow. But he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, my best friend, my lover and my protector.
Romano was facing serious business problems at this time and I felt helpless as I wasn’t in a position to help or come up with realistic solutions. However, I tried to give my best advice despite not really knowing much about his private business and further make him aware that he had to economise and cut costs for our basic needs as well as dividing the living costs between us both.
On this cold foggy, miserable morning I decided to forsake my daily morning walk with
Napoleon and visit Alhandra to see feel for myself what Carla and Marilyn kept preaching about. And no sooner had I dealt with my usually tricky client in France, I tidied my desk and headed off.
On the journey Romano and I exchanged endless romantic messages to the point that I found myself lazily day dreaming as I drove down the slippery highway thinking that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Within a few minutes another text message arrived.
“Will you Marry me?”
I swayed the car with excitement causing the Rover behind me to beep but I looked at the driver as he passed me and smiled. Nothing could take away the feeling that exploded within me. I was shocked, speechless and bursting with butterflies but somehow I was unsure if Romano was serious or if he had just asked in the spur of the romantic doses we were sharing. But anyway, I choosing to concentrate on the big question I took the next exit and headed back home counting the minutes until Romano returned.
All evening Romano and I shyly avoided the question and answer as if we were both unsure if we had taken each other seriously. After all, I was the woman who had been asked eight times in marriage only to accept the eighth until I soon realised that the guy thought he had control over me when I did, thus showing his true colours in the brink of time. Instead we spent most of the evening lying naked on the sofas in front of the fog light lit, deep garden which was enclosed by deep forest, making love by candle light with the sound of the roaring flames of the fireplace as our accomplice.
As we lay there in each others arms I delicately touched upon the message that had been responsible for making me feel the intensity that I had during our love making. Romano replied that he was absolutely serious causing my stomach to beam with fierce burning tingles that I wanted to share with the world on that precise moment.
The following afternoon appeared to be gloomier than the wet previous day despite the sun shinning brightly in the clear sky. Maybe I was expecting him to be a true romantic like myself and go out and buy a symbolic cheap ring to make the proposal a thing to remember. Or maybe I was just fooling myself with that excuse and the real disappointment within me was that he never picked up the phone to tell the a soul about the news, leaving me in doubt about his whole sincerity and therefore not speaking out myself. But the future held the truth to my doubt.
CHAPTER 8
Still sounding as equally cheerful as the last time, Marilyn called to invite me for coffee on the beach that same afternoon.
Romano arrived home for lunch shortly after, warmed up some pasta and came to join me on the upstairs veranda. The beautiful picturesque view that enlaced the lush green forest with the cold blue sea waves and the big city far down below was adulterated by a group of builders who were working across our garden on the roof top of our neighbours.
This was the first time Romano and I had sat down for lunch on our veranda, and half way through I excused myself and made my way to the bathroom only to return to have all four workmen staring my way. Romano witnessed everything from the corner of his sunglasses and before I could sit myself back down he grabbed my hand and led me to the veranda wall that was directly in front of our audience. As he lent behind and held me waste he whispered
“Hmmm. They want to fuck you but they can’t have you. You are mine. I’m the only one who can enter. Do you hear me”?
Romano’s dominating words mixed with the simple fact that we were being watched was enough to make me surrender there and then and let him take control of his woman. He immediately sat down against the half meter high wall and pulled me down with him and desperately began to pull down my tight black trousers and simultaneously rip open his pants before making me sit on him.
“Romano stop it. The workmen can see me from here”
“Do as you are told. They can see your pleasure and wank over you but they can’t touch you. They can envy my pleasure while they feel me fucking you hard”
and he thrust me so hard that I screamed.
“Go on. Look at them so that they can see the pain you are suffering to satisfy my needs”
The more he continued the more intensely I felt him inside me to the point that I could no longer hear the humming of the birds and the buss of the bees that had until previously provided the back ground music. All I could hear was Romano’s dominant voice as I moved slowly up and down on him and looked ahead in the direction that I had been ordered. Abruptly he began thrusting me harder causing me to scream futher, first with pain and then with pleasure. I was going to climax and needed to get my head down but Romano wouldn’t allow me and trying to contain my feelings from expressing themselves on my face I climaxed in full view of the workmen.
As soon as Romano headed back to work I tidied myself up and made my way to meet Marilyn at the esplanade café in Carcavelos where we had arranged.
I arrived twenty minutes before the scheduled time and observed my surroundings. It seemed that everybody was taking advantage of the beautiful day that had mistaken its season for winter when in fact it belonged to the summer.
As soon as the last table stood up to pay the bil buss l, I sat down, ordered an orange juice and stretched my neck to lap up as much vitamin “D” as would come my way, only
to be interrupted with a tap on my shoulder. Just as I was about to say “I can’t believe that you are on time” I turned around and there stood Costa of all people! Aaaaa aaaaa
“Hi Diana. What a pleasant surprise! It’s been such a long time since I last saw you. I lost my phone and no longer have your private number and I think you have changed your work number right? Anyway, how have you been and how is work?”
I found myself explaining the same story as I had explained to other ex clients and then when it was Costa’s turn to update me I sat there recalling his days as my client and how then, after his recent break up he would send me text messages stating that he was falling in love with me, leaving me to find a delicate solution not to hurt his feelings further. The solution at the time had been to bide time and to do so I made him understand that I could not enter a relationship until my duty was complete and my days in the profession were counted. Knowing time was a healer, this was the best excuse. And it was. Costa was now in a new relationship and looked extremely happy as a result.
“It was great to see you again Diana. I’m so glad you left the business. I have the utmost respect and admiration for your courage and personality” he said before leaving.
I returned to my initial position. It was now 2.45 and Marilyn was by now twenty minutes late. Typical Portuguese I thought as I received a message, thinking it was her, but it was Costa!
“Diana. You are special. I never managed to forget what I felt for you”
Shit I thought. For once I have to be cruel to be kind and take Romano’s advice and stop replying to these messages!
“Hi Darling. I’m so sorry. I really am so sorry” Marilyn shouted as she ran to the table.
She had been to visit a friend to have her tarot read. She just can’t stop I thought, but out of politeness I asked what the outcome had been despite her positive vibrations.
“You know Diana, Lucy has been my best friend for thirty years. She has been reading my cards for as long as I can remember and she has never once failed” she said.
“Oh, I will have to pay her a visit to see how the book is going to sell” I replied jokingly.
“The book Diana? Which book, the one you started just before dating Romano?”
“Yes, that book. But Carla ended up doing it. Oh and guess what, you are in it”
Marilyn’s smile fell to the floor.
“Oh my God. What do you mean, I am in it? Diana, my whole reputation is at stake. My God Diana you have tell Carla to erase my part”
I tried desperately to calm her down before she had a heart attack but she was to busy panicking to pay attention to the fact that all identities descriptions had been changed.
“I knew it! Lucy was right. She never fails. She said that besides everything good, I should also prepare myself for disappointing news”
Three beers later and Marilyn’s distress had dissolved along with the contents of her glass and like her old self she began talking endlessly not realising the time.
At 4.30 Lucy called her. They had arranged to meet at the neighbour café at four O’ clock and as usual Marilyn apologised a million times and suggested that Lucy made here way to the café we were at.
Lucy arrived within minutes and Marilyn hugged her as if she hadn’t seen her in years.
“Lucy this is Diana” said Marilyn as I stood up to greet the slim Lady, no taller than me who appeared no older than forty five and possessed a huge positive, warm aura that could be felt as she was approaching, brightening up her black flared trousers and black woollen jumper along with he equally black long hair which was tightly tied in a neat bun. To add a further gleam, her light green mysterious eyes reflected the ocean waves at the distance to compliment her cinnamon coloured complexion.
“Your face is familiar Diana” she said in a soft, sweet yet powerful voice. “I think I have seen you in that building” she continued as she pointed to a huge condominium on the other side of the costal road.
“Yes, possibly. I’ve been there a few times. My boyfriend use to live there” I replied.
“Oh. Now I remember seeing you both. I know his family by site and I’ve seen his step mother at the witch in Cascais” she said with a worried expression.
“I beg your pardon, the witch in Cascais? Why the hell…?” I replied with a mixed look of disbelief, knowing to well that his paranoid step mother was afraid to leave his father out of her site for five minutes to be able to visit “a witch in Cascais”.
“Yes Diana, it’s true. I have taken a few of my clients there to break some evil spells. She is the best around and does anything for money, macumbas, you name it. I spotted her there on at least three occasions. And always on a Monday afternoon, that’s the only day I have my daughters car to drive there myself”
I made my way home just wishing I hadn’t met Marilyn. Discovering this now after my confusion regarding Romano’s true proposal intentions was the last thing I needed and I could not help but remember his step mother’s interference since the very start of our relationship.
Jo as they called her was slim with a pale white complexion that was always neat ly hidden with her cream coloured foundation, creating an unusual contrast along her jaw line. Her hairstyle would constantly change colour and style as if she was desperately trying to discover a cut that she could identify with but with little success and on various occasions in an attempt to look younger, she made the mistake of having a style which her forty five year old face could not justify.
The air of elegance which she desperately tried to display was at times destroyed by her true accent which occasionally would escape beneath her middle, upper class attempt, resulting in a noticeable false front. In addition Jo believed she was the owner of intellectual qualities and various university degrees when in fact her education had not spanned that far. Not that intelligence can be measured by a university certificate, but for someone who possessed neither she did a poor job of pretending she possessed at least one. But she was convinced she was the cat’s whiskers when in fact she was a mere social puppet who’s goal in life was to uphold some special kind of status in a society where appearances predominate over individuality and independence.
The drive home seemed like a blink of an eye despite being stuck in the peak hour traffic for more than an hour. As I walked through the front door I immediately smelt the delightful aroma of freshly cut flowers and before I could turn Romano popped from behind the door with a huge bouquet of white lilies.
“Hey, what’s wrong Diana? Are you ok? You look as pale as a white sheet”
“Oh just a stinking headache. I’ll be ok. Just need to lay down and rest for a while” and I headed to the sofa as Romano followed and inserted a Dvd into the player. Not containing myself further I asked
“Hey, didn’t you once say that your step mother visits Fatima regularly”?
Romano looked puzzled at the sudden question and laughed
“Yes, she gets stressed when she sees my father and I arguing and goes there to ask for help. But why are you asking”
“No special reason. I thought I saw her there a while back. It was on a Monday. Anyway, just found it strange to see her alone as you said she never leaves your dad out of her site. Just forgot to tell you before”
“Well, it’s highly possible that it was a Monday. It’s the day she does all the running around, like the hairdressers etc”
I couldn’t believe it, Lucy was not joking and it all made sense! I mean, his step never left his dad’s side apart from Monday afternoons like Romano had just confirmed and further, she used the use excuse that she was going to Fatima when all along she was going to see the witch!
I closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep so I could be left in peace to examine his step mother in fine detail. I remembered how Romano had refused to introduce me to his parents during the first few months of our relationship. Although I knew the true logical reason he would not be he honest with me. But what he was truthful about was the games that his step mother was up to.
Within weeks of our relationship Jo was already acting the typical woman making it her business to find out who Romano was with. For some reason it became a major concern to her who he was dating.
At first Jo’s behaviour appeared harmless but then she began following him into my street. I realised there must have been hidden intentions to take things to such extremes. Why was she so preoccupied with her step son was surely not because she felt like a mother to him as the age gap was so small. Further a brother, sister type relationship was also out of the question as Romano didn’t consider a bond there and he simply saw her as his Fathers third wife.
Hardly a day would pass that Jo didn’t call Romano with a sickeningly sweet telephone manner. As the saying goes “you catch the fly with honey” but there was something so very bitter about her sweetness.
At one point I asked Romano if his dad had married with a prenuptial agreement and to my surprise he said yes as the law stated such measures because of his father’s age, adding that his Father had requested that in the event of the predictable Romano should arrange that Jo receive something. Now everything was crystal clear. Jo had no idea I was a prostitute or else Romano would have been immediately informed. Her greatest fear was loosing Romano’s cooperation to another woman as he was going to be the true heir.
Shortly after I had finished working Jo’ real colours began to weigh her down. Romano arrived home three hours later that evening and as he walked through the front door began saying
“What a bitch! What a fucking interfering bitch! My father came around to the office but for the first time Madam decided to wait in the car. He gave me a lecture saying I’m not concentrating on my work and that I spend my time sending my girlfriend text messages. Further, that fucking bitch went through my bank statements and saw the initial transfer for the new business. I’m leaving the business!”
“What. You are leaving the business? She went through your bank statements? You are joking! What the fucking hell do your statements have to do with her, and who is she to go through your phone statements?
Jo had been so furious about my hidden identity that she had the audacity to go through all of his private things until she thought she had discovered a good enough reason to start a feud between Father son relationship while trying to be the innocent one.
The next morning Romano headed to the office determined to hand in his resignation despite my plea that he was making a big mistake and allowing others to interfere where they had no business. The simple truth was that Jo now felt out of control in Romano’s life and her last resort was to split father and son partnership as that way she could manipulate the father. But I was not going to allow her to interfere any further using me as the excuse. I immediately picked up the phone and called Romano, and as the tears rolled down my face I explained that I was left no choice but to end the relationship as if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be in this monopoly game.
Wiping the tears from my eyes I decided it was time to finally confront the man that Romano spoke so highly of.
The speech I had been rehearsing blew up in my face when Jo answered the phone.
“Hello. It’s Diana. Can I speak to Mr Silver please”?
“Sorry he is busy. Please don’t call this number again” and hung up.
What a cheek this woman had! As her plan was running so smoothly she had the audacity to do what she had just done so I advised Romano of her despicable behaviour.
Romano in turn advised his father and within half an hour his father called. Feeling disgraced with the whole scene I was more interested in expressing my disgust and asking if that was her usual behaviour towards people she has never met and further, what the hell was her interfering problem. The poor man was speechless with my forwardness and apologised a million times for her his wife’s indisputably bad phone manners and interference.
Within the hour he called back advising me that he and Romano had successfully managed to resolve their misunderstandings and their partnership would continue adding that he would like me to reconsider not breaking off my relationship.
Romano arrived home early on that stressful afternoon and relieved that it was all over began telling me how Jo had left his father’s house in anger as things didn’t go according to her plan and acting innocently had called him in bid to shift the blame onto his father.
“Go to my computer at your fathers and look under the Diana file. It’s the information that your father asked me to gather” she told him
Out of curiosity Romano did as she asked and handed me a print of the document that was written in point form that explained ridiculous things, half of which were in of course incorrect facts regarding my background, my education, my business, my car, my sex life, my male company, my supposedly male domination. In conclusion all the positive points were twisted around in a negative fashion and the rest were outrageously untrue accept for my appearance and of course my absent cooking abilities! But once again this proved that they had no idea of my profession but had instead obtained information about my past, by the society who knew nothing about but rather, judged me by my attitude, confidence and independent appearance.
It just seemed so ridiculous the lengths this woman went to to obtain information that she clammed together in an attempt to convince Romano’s Father of the person I was. What the poor deprived woman had no idea of was that I looked down on society exactly because they attempted to make me feel bad about myself as it lacked the courage to individual.
It was old news to me or to anyone who analysed the situation as to why I was much talked about. There is a saying; “they can talk about me negatively or positively but they talk, and thus give me importance”. I went around minding my own business like any ordinary person but because I stood out, I was discriminated. But what I was not was a fool and instead of letting the chit chat get me down and destroy my confidence I used it to build up my self esteem, realising that I was myself and the majority just wished they could be themselves too but simply lacked the courage. Further, they could not accept that a woman could stand on her own to feet and make something with her life instead of relying on a wealthy husband. If a woman was seen speaking to her male friends she was automatically classified as a slut. Little did they know that men were the only species I could actually feel comfortable with as they were far more easy going than their counterparts who spent their involving themselves in others business, like Jo.
To further add confusion to the shallow minds, people would automatically think that I had made my money from rich relationships. Well, I felt pity on them but could actually understand why they felt that way. I mean, in a society where appearances reign, how could a casually dressed, individual like me drive an expensive car and actually have brains? Intelligent people had a role to play, a contrary role to mine. They had to dress the part, act seriously and look down on others for not being blessed the “Dotor” title.
So these shallow minds could not even imagine that I was probably better educated than them and actually thought for myself and analysed situations instead of being narrow minded despite the fact that I would not allow anybody to call me Dotora and in return I refused to do the same. To me, the only doctors with the right to such titles were those who practised medicine, full stop.
From all the confusion that Jo had brewed up Romano’s father felt entitled to invite us for lunch the following Sunday and till this day I remember the feeling of hypocrisy during the whole experience.
Jo who was by then back home took control of the show with an added air of superiority as if nothing had ever happened and in an attempt to gain support for the occasion invited family members to be present as she tried to humiliate and look down on me in such a discreet way that everybody was aware of what was happening. But she was a professional and out of self control I just had to pity her instead of exploding and allowing everybody to see that I was not going drop to her level although she desperately tried teasing me too. So I just pretended to be dumb. But credit where credit is due, for someone who had dared to interfere in my life and speak to me in that manner on the phone this woman had guts as despite inventing what she had about me, she really had no idea who she was performing in front of, especially when for much less, I had in the past reacted much more.
But ever since that sad experience of the reality of certain family households, for Romano’s sake I tried to put the past behind me, convinced that Jo had now learned not to repeat the same mistake again.
CHAPTER NINE
During the weeks leading up to Christmas my time was occupied in the wilderness analysing the recent events that had led me to feel the confusion I felt and screaming out to the ancient wise trees to clarify my doubts through the mist that obstructed my path. Meeting Lucy and doubting Romano’s sincerity about such a serious issue had made me feel colder than the mild days that the winter was providing causing me to travel back in time once again.
I couldn’t understand how Romano at the time could have a prostitute as a girlfriend but even less could I comprehend how he could wait in the spare room while I was working despite the fact that when I confronted him with the issue he stated that he stayed out of fear of danger. But deep down it was hard to digest as I spent my days alone. Further, his initial refusal to want to share a new place with me as opposed to living rent free in mine was indeed physiologically disturbing. And even though we eventually did, it was only at the stage when I reached my limit and decided to rent a place with a friend. But writing down my memoirs for the book had made me see things in a totally different light, but had that light blinded me from the real truth?
I had met Romano in unusual circumstances and for some reason, since the start of our relationship I had became weaker than ever been in my life. And now, just as I was merging my energies in a new direction and convincing myself that it had all been in my head, it all came back to be re-examined under the microscope with the slightest trigger of an unloaded gun.
Times like this proved auto destructive for me, the woman capable of making anybody feel positive and gain strength but when in need, nobody appeared strong enough to do the same. The negativity within was so great that I was forced to question if witch craft did really exist and if mine and Romano’s history was a consequence of Jo. One thing was certain, I had never been in a similar relationship which caused so much doubt.
But on the other hand had Romano been correct in saying that my state of mind was a psychological consequence of prostitution? But something was certain, until the start of my relationship with Romano and despite all my past problems, a smile always dominated my face enabling me to be the positive rock to many clients who were experiencing difficulties of their own.
Bearing in mind what Romano had done sacrificed, and also imagining that I didn’t have a physiological problem since our relationship, my negativity was leading me up the occult path as an easy way out, resulting in all my prior preaching and beliefs emerging with the thick layer of fog that surrounded me only to disappear over the mountain with the breeze that directed its destiny.
My subconscious and conscious were battling fiercely between them. My sub consciousness knew that the truth was being hidden by the lie my conscious was feeding me but I was to weak, to weak to allow the most powerful one dominate as it would make me face the sad truth; that witchcraft was indeed created in the mind and what I was really fighting against was something that only time would unveil.
When I arrived home Romano’s car was parked outside. As I walked in he came to greet me and asked where I had been. In turn I asked him if he wasn’t returning to work that afternoon as he was by now casually dressed. To my amazement it was approaching six O’clock. I had spent the whole day walking around thinking, and the dark gloomy weather had prevented me from having any idea of the time.
That evening I found a perfect opportunity to test the ground as I was chatting to an old friend Paul on Msn. Paul had always hinted about us getting together but I would always brush it off before he had a chance to actually ask me anything. During the conversation he asked how my relationship was coming along before finally plucking up the courage to express how he wished he had the chance to be in Romano’s shoes. I laughed and Romano inquired to why I was doing so, and I told him. As I answered Paul “ you will never have the chance” I simultaneously read it out loud so that Romano could hear. Paul replied “Never say never” and an urge came over me to say “No. I am getting married” but before I wrote it I asked Romano if I could tell Paul as I wanted to see his reaction and confirm my doubts. To my horror Romano changed the subject and hypocritically insisted that I was giving the man false hopes.
At that precise moment the doubt I had felt about Romano’s sincerity about getting married was now in my mind confirmed, breaking the magical bubble that he had created when he wrote “Will you marry me”? He had played with my feelings.
Increasingly I found myself taking my anger out on Romano with hate and frustration especially when I felt that he had been with Jo during the day. To make matters worse whenever Romano had a business lunch with his Father, I would always be excluded although Jo was always present.
My debts were being paid with the investors that I had arranged for Romano’s company and although it was beneficial to both of us, it was starting to scare me more than ever.
I suddenly felt imprisoned and controlled with the doubts that were dominating my mind and to add to the stress Romano had not breathed a word about that months business deal and I couldn’t afford not to have one. I had entered prostitution to repay 150.000 euros to all those that had placed trust in me and I wasn’t going to let them down now. Further, I had left prostitution on the basis that I invested in Romano’s company and he would pay me like he paid any other middlemen in the business that did the same. But now everything appeared so unsure and negative that I didn’t want to feel as if he was doing me a favour or had an obligation, I just wanted to do what ever it took to leave the debts behind me once and for all.
Endless, sleepless nights made me painfully conclude that the only way forward was to return to what I shouldn’t have left until I was debtless; prostitution. And this particular morning as Romano was heading out of the door I felt forced to call him back and advice him of my decision.
Romano stood speechless at the living room entrance.
“What? After everything I have done for you, after all the times I remained by your side, you must be bloody joking right?”
But despite Romano not knowing why I was feeling the way I did he knew that I had a point about the monthly deal.
“We will talk later” he said, slammed the front door and walked out.
That same evening he asked if I had come to my senses. But how was that possible? I was no longer in a position to sacrifice work as his playing with my feelings over serious matters had led me to eliminate a future together.
“Get the money ready. You need to pay the order tomorrow” he said.
But would there have been one had I not reached the limit once again and decided to go it alone? But as usual he managed to calm me down and accept it, giving me a extra time to figure out exactly how I was going to do everything.
As Christmas approached we began planning our agenda and out of respect for Romano and his Father I accepted the dinner invitation for the 24.
The long dinning table was beautifully laid with the finest cut crystal, china and silver and Jo who all dressed in black was restfully fussing around it in pinafore directing the seating plan. I was ordered to sit next to Romano’s Father and Jo’s parents who were the same age, if not younger than his Father were asked to sit on the opposite side, while she and Romano took the heads.
I couldn’t help but observe how Her Highness had laid the table incorrectly as I sat there politely after being refused to help her retrieve the starter plates from the kitchen.
Within minutes she returned with the plates. As she stood at the head of the table I couldn’t help but admire the beautifully set out King Langoustines which were tastefully decorated with fine fennel. As Jo was handicapped from moving around the table she began sending the appetising gold rimmed plates along, stating who each particular plate was for. I looked at Romano with a puzzled expression as I handed him the plate which she had labelled as his. Romano smiled as if he was reading my mind, refused and passed it on to her mother.
“No, no Darling that’s for you” she shouted down the table.
But Romano said no as if it was an act of courtesy.
This was all I needed to screw up the evening and couldn’t help wondering if something had been placed on the food as every single plate was identical! But I immediately became occupied with politely answering the questions that her poor parents had rehearsed on her behalf, which off course was probing into my life.
When the coffees were served Jo stood up and ordered everyone to make their way to the Christmas tree. Romano reached for the bag we took and gave it to Jo to distribute the presents inside. She then began handing out her tidy parcels to everybody in the room leaving a pile aside for her son that was dining with his girlfriend’s parents.
“Son, go into that wall cupboard and bring out my present” she said Romano as she started hugging and kissing his Father.
Romano did as he was asked and returned with a long fur coat.
“Oh my God, how revolting! Fur looks better on animals, yuk” I screamed
But Jo was to proud with her gift to even comment. To break the ice Romano opened the box she had given us and said that we were pushed for time. His smile fell to the floor when he discovered two coffee cups and two tee cups. We then bid farewell and left.
On our journey home Romano looked sad although embarrassed to comment.
“I’m shocked. Your father has been hounding you to buy clothes stating that you look a mess in your old ones so instead he spends thousands of euros on dead animals for her and with his money she buys you tea cups! Very patronising!”
“Yes. I know” he said in a low sad voice.
From the moment I woke up on Christmas day my being was filled with sadness for Romano despite dealing with my internal revolution. But I tried desperately to put it aside and handed Romano his presents. One by one he opened them to find a new piece of clothing to replace the tatty ones he had been wearing. I couldn’t afford to spend that money but I knew that if I hadn’t he would continue walking around in those old rags.
Excited, he handed me a little box. I couldn’t believe it. Had I been wrong all along? Was he going to make it official? I opened it with baited breath and to my horror I found a beautiful pearl necklace. Disappointed I tried desperately to act thrilled but my emotions got the better of me and I burst into tears excusing myself to go upstairs.
My doubts were once again confirmed. With a quarter of the money he had spent on the pearl he could have bought an engagement ring. He had been playing with my feelings all along and here I was putting up with all this negativity that surrounded me for someone who didn’t see a future. I had to do something and soon. I was no longer going to invest and waste my time with this.
Marilyn called screaming and over exaggerating on New Years Eve morning, but the last thing I wanted to hear were fits of anxiety.
“Has Carla taken me out of the book yet? You will promise that you will make her do it? Please Diana or this will destroy my life’” she cried
If only Marilyn had the slightest idea of how I was feeling she would save her outburst for another day.
Romano and I decided that we would have a quiet night with all the weeks’ excitement so we headed of to the supermarket to buy a bottle of champagne. On the way he his Best Friend called breaking the news that he was getting married and asking him to be Best man. I sat there quietly hearing the whole conversation and once again waiting to be proved wrong.
“Congratulations once again and have a great New Year. I’ll see you next year then”
Unfortunately, I was right all along. It wasn’t invented in my head. Romano made no mention that he had proposed a few months earlier. But once again, I kept it to myself as I now had all the proof that I could ask for.
At eleven thirty we arrived at the top of Sintra Mountain with our bottle of Champaign to have full view of the fireworks that would soon decorate the skies that covered the big city down below. Immediately I asked Romano if we could open the bottle as I just wanted to drown myself in the bubbles. Looking puzzled at my request he did as I asked causing the onlookers to murmur amongst themselves.
By midnight my negative thoughts mixed with the Champaign had blocked me from the outside world.
“You are not well, hey? Let’s take you home” he said
The following morning a thumping headache dominated my head as I opened my eyes to find Romano sleeping next to me with a bloody lip. I instantly woke him up and asked what had happened. He tilted himself up and started to hug me.
“It was you. You did it”
“What? I would never do that to you for no reason. What happened really?”
“No Diana, I didn’t do anything. We arrived home; you called Napoleon and said you were going to your mothers. I forced you back because you were in no condition to drive. Then you punched me”
“O my God, I don’t believe I did that to you Romano. I’m so sorry. I’m really so sorry”
I started crying and apologising every ten seconds for the next hour.
What a start to New years day!
CHAPTER TEN
The New Year was well and truly in and with all my heart I hoped that it would not be a repeat of the previous one which had placed at least ten heavy years on my face; my skin was dry and drawn and my lifeless tired eyes were the window to my soul, making me appear ten years older than my actual years, making looking in the mirror harder than ever as my energy had all but evaporated.
Carla called to say she was now at the stage of sending the finished manuscript to various publishers. Before she hung up I told her how I was feeling and off course she suggested I go soak up some positive vibrations in Alhandra and that’s exactly what I did late that same afternoon.
When I arrived I stood there paralysed in front of Dr Soussa Martins tomb and for some strange reason I felt paralysed and thoughtless. When eventually I did come back to reality I found myself being the mirror of all visitors and asking for help. But the strangest thing was that I didn’t really know why I was asking and suddenly I was taken over by answers to questions that I had subconsciously thought of but my conscious was unaware of. At that time things that I didn’t even think of also delivered mystical answers. These were in relation to my eating habits and especially all the vitamin supplements I was consuming. Something was telling me to cut them down, all though the reason why I was taking all those hundreds of different supplements was infact due to believing that they were indeed beneficial. What a contradiction! Further, I kept hearing myself say that I should change my pattern of thinking and begin taking steps to lead my own life and not worry about Romano any longer. All my energy was now to be directed into working with Carla to achieve long term success.
This was all very strange as I wasn’t expecting answers to what I wasn’t thinking and further the diet situation had never crossed my mind as I was always in shape. But I digested all the information and made my way home.
The upcoming weeks that’s what I did; cut down my vitamin intake, ate more vegetables, and helped Carla although I was unaware of how this was going to lead to my long term success. But helping her took my mind off everything and for the first time since my relationship with Romano I just thought of myself and poured all my energy into something positive instead of feeding the negativity that I felt around him. Now, whatever he did or failed to do, whatever he said or refused to say, to me was indifferent as my plan was to get better and figure out which direction I would take.
Carla received an e mail requesting a meeting from the most renowned in Portugal. We couldn’t believe it! The writer who had filled her with such strength and positively had been right; we were going to get it published!
No sooner had a few lighter weeks passed and I began to realise something strange about Romano’s behaviour. For the first time in our history he made no attempt to touch me. Despite our problems he had never gone a day holding back and I couldn’t remember a single day we didn’t make love or have sex.
During this period even my numerous attempts to get the ball rolling failed leading him to make excuses that he was tired or not feeling well. Although determined not to let anything he did or failed to do effect me anymore, I couldn’t help but analyse what was going on and placed myself in the position of my ex clients partners and in an attempt of understand their reasons for being suspicious.
Firstly I thought it could be due to his problems at work, but this was an invalid excuse as he always had problems at work. Then I began wondering if he had been to a prostitute. But I had already told him from the start that I didn’t have a problem with him going to a prostitute as long as honest on the contrary to all my ex clients who hid it from their partners. Further I had been in that world and understood how many men think and act, I had seen the world from a brand new perspective; a male one. But all in all, as long as he told me!
The huge surprise came when we did eventually have sex a week later.
It was a hot sunny day and I had been upstairs on the balcony soaking up some energy from the strong rays of the sun. As I heard Romano’s car approach the house I ran down to greet him but by the time I arrived he was already through the door walking in my direction.
Without uttering a single sound he pulled my arm abruptly and led me to the wooden dinning room table as if he was going to handcuff me. Standing behind me he unzipped my jeans as he stared seriously into my eyes with a possessive air through the reflection on mirror facing us. My jeans hit my ankles and Romano then fought furiously to unbutton his trousers without taking the serious dominating look off his face.
He pushed me down on the large table and as I was bent over spread my legs apart keeping his feet hocked on mine to prevent them from closing further. I could no longer see our reflection on the mirror as my face was against the table but instead I felt his hands caressing my breasts before firmly pulling my nipples to inflict pain, forcing me to yell. Suddenly a piecing pain hit the opening of my anus as he tried to enter it forcefully giving me the sensation that I needed to use the toilet and making me beg him to stop under the unbearable pain. But he wouldn’t listen, he didn’t care about me. He was just to concerned about his rights, his pleasure making him thrust harder until my pain evaporated into moans of ecstasy preventing the whole experience to last more than a few seconds.
This was the first time he had wanted to have anal sex. He had always said that it had never been a fantasy of his and now suddenly it was? How bizarre, leading me to believe that he had in fact been to visit prostitutes and thus awakened different tastes for sex.
It was approaching the end of January and like the previous month, Romano made no mention of the business deal. And like the previous month I had cheques to pay. When he arrived home I confronted him with the situation.
“I should never have listened to you. I should have continued that shit until the end. I was so stupid letting myself rely on anybody. This is ridiculous. I’m going back to work”
Romano knew that I was correct. I had given up work with his help as it was beneficial for us both, but this was not helping me. He fought against it trying to act like it was my fault, that I preferred to return to that work, that I was addicted to sucking men’s penis’s, but deep down I knew that he used this as an excuse as he couldn’t afford to liquidated enough of the previous months invoice in order to allow me to purchase more stock. This made me so frustrated as I was put in yet another corner to act and then my decision was used against me implying that I preferred to be a prostitute. Once again he didn’t tell me the truth; but rather like the past he would turn it around in such a way that I appeared to be the problem.
The following day he advised me that everything had been arranged and there was no need to worry about making the transfer to the supplier as he had managed to arrange credit for my company and the deal was made. I was shocked. Firstly he hadn’t asked me if I agreed with such an arrangement and secondly I actually didn’t want more debt, buy what I could afford in cash like the previous months! But I knew what was happening, he just didn’t have the money to liquidate my company account and therefore as I would not have had funds to buy the next order he placed it on credit!
For the rest of the month my frustrations grew by the day as I could see through the whole scheme. As his company had exceeded its credit limit he used my company’s clean record to obtain credit for his company. But the frustration was not so much about that, it was about him not being honest and being taken for stupid.
Increasingly I was loosing trust in Romano and as each day went by I would growingly regret having left work until my problems were resolved. The more I analysed the situation, the more I would kick myself and want to return to the dreaded profession to finish off what I had started and get it over and done with once and for all.
Romano grew increasingly suspicious about my laid back approach towards him causing him to make stupid remarks every time I received a text message alert on my phone despite the fact that it had always been the same since he met me. This was one of the reasons that we began fighting and our scuffles became regular. Many of them made me aware that Romano had been controlling my phone calls and messages as well as my computer and as I had nothing to hide from him it had never crossed my mind to protect them with passwords. And as time passed he would use any little detail and through it back in my face to the point that I myself began wondering why he was becoming so paranoid. I mean, he had other phones at his office as well as another computer and therefore gave me access to his personal ones at home which were all perfectly clean from any information that he would want to keep from me. Was he guilty of something and thus thinking I would do the same? Anyway, this just added to the growing distrust I was building against him.
Romano’s father’s birthday soon arrived and although he made no mention of birthday plans, my gut feeling told me that he wouldn’t be home for lunch that day.
To my surprise or lack of it, he didn’t but instead made up the excuse that he had a business lunch, the last one being three months earlier! I felt a revolting feeling in my stomach, not because I wasn’t invited, but for having been lied too and told more pathetic excuses. The truth is more acceptable and hurts less!
For the first time and in return I made him feel what it felt like and so accepted a dinner invitation with friends that evening. On my return home he was fuming and stated that he didn’t mind me being with friends but as my boyfriend he should be invited. I kept quiet at his cheek and went to bed where I remembered the times he would say that I would never introduce him to my friends. It was totally untrue. His frustrations would be when I actually went out alone with them alone although he knew that this usually happened when he had upset me and I needed a shoulder, thus turning to them.
Romano’s birthday arrived shortly after his fathers and as we were not on speaking terms I arrived home around nine that evening bringing with me a small gift, but he was to busy shouting at me for having arrived so to pay attention to what was wrapped inside.
Things remained the same for the few weeks that followed, although we were on better terms. Eventually I once again gave in as the love I still held inside more than often blinded the problems despite them remaining clear in my subconscious.
My birthday soon came knocking and despite the delicate situation I wanted to spend the evening with Romano and avoided making other arrangements. When he arrived home he congratulated me, gave me a kiss and we went on with the night as if it was like any other. The feeling inside me was ready to explode and at ten pm I excused myself from the sofa and made my way up to bed. Not one card, not one rose, not a pin, nothing! More than ever I felt used, unappreciated, or better, like a prostitute all over again but this time with “one regular client”. The more I thought, the more determined I became to escape, to return to work, pay my debts, finish and then eventually find someone who I could trust, someone who deserved and loved me enough never to make me feel the way Romano had. I felt as if losing my identity, having to put up with something that I would never before tolerate. More than ever I felt imprisoned, lonely, abandoned but above all desperate for the attention that I had lost since I had been with Romano.
Romano had already left for work when I woke up. On my way down to make coffee I picked up my phone and noticed an open message that I didn’t recall reading;
“I miss being with you. Can I?”
It was a typical message from my ex client Orlando, but instead of taking it disrespectfully and ignoring it I thought right, it’s going to be this time. There is no time like the present and without hesitating I replied
“We can meet on Thursday but only at your place. Same rate; one hundred and fifty”
The cruel reality gradually embedded itself within me as the day unrolled. This was no longer thinking and talking, it was a decision that had been taken and now planned. In a way I was relieved to have made the tormenting decision but in another I felt more alone than ever before. But I had to face the facts, I couldn’t continue living with someone who in my mind at least was proving to be untrustworthy as the situation was now more unbearable than those four walls that had caved me in when I was prostituting and dating Romano simultaneously. This was not healthy for either of us and out of respect for Romano I had no choice but to end the relationship and move into different room until I could afford to move out and rent alone.
It had felt like an hour since I sent Orlando that message but in fact it was already three days, meaning that our appointment was the following afternoon.
Romano was different since he arrived home, as if something was bothering him. I had never deceived or lied to him and I wasn’t going to start now so I asked him to sit down on the opposite sofa while I plucked up the courage to tell him about everything that was burning inside before advising on what I was going to do the following day.
Before I could finish the last sentence he jumped up on the sofa like threatened gorilla and shouted
“Are you crazy? Don’t you have any respect? Get out of my house. Go on…get out of my house” and dragged me bare foot by my jumper to the door screaming for me to leave. I was petrified! I had never seen him like this and didn’t know what to do accept to leave but he kept shouting in my face, obstructing me every time I tried to reach out for my car keys. I just couldn’t do anything I was cornered against the door.
I understand his frustration although he had always refused to acknowledge mine to the point that we had reached this conclusion. But I remained silent and still to the point that he was so hypnotised by his own screaming that he didn’t notice me walking in the direction of my bag. When I eventually forced my way back to the door he asked where I was going to then force me back through into the living room and throwing me onto the sofa.
Within an hour of sitting there being forced to continuously hear him repeat himself and tearing down my person, he calmed down and blamed my decision on Orlando, refusing to understand, or admit to understanding that it had been my decision alone.
Suddenly he picked up my phone and searched for Orlando’s number. It was then that I realised that I hadn’t mentioned Orlando’s name in the conversation. He had read my text messages and remained silent all those days as if everything was normal. He pressed dial. Orlando answered and Romano began screaming and threatening to destroy him for being the reason for my decision.
Orlando was a physiatrist. I had often turned to him for advice and of course as I told Romano everything, I had told him that too, in an attempt to make him aware that something was seriously wrong, that I was interpreting things negatively but he could also be the cause. One of the situations I mentioned was the incident of my birthday when Romano didn’t even give me a card. But Orlando’s advice was the same as the very few people I had spoken to; that Romano didn’t deserve me and that he was doing my head more harm than good.
Romano continued screaming and shouting down the phone line, accusing him of getting involved in our personal business and trying to turn me against him so that he could be with me instead.
I didn’t meet Orlando the following day. I was too shaken with the previous night’s ordeal but also more confused than ever for not having gone through with it. Instead I decided that I had to move out as soon as possible, not just so that I could start working, but also because I was to told to get out of the house I considered be half mine as the bills were shared equally.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
After advising Romano on my intentions to move out, I planned on remaining in the house a month further. Despite his insulting remark when he said “get out of my house” my part of the bills were paid until then and I wasn’t in the position both mentally and financially to squander money and mount unnecessary expenses.
Romano discreetly continued to probe into my future plans while simultaneously making a huge effort to act as the friend he now was. But although I refused to discuss them, deep down he knew that I would go back to work and therefore tried effortlessly to convince me to carry on with the monthly business deals until my debts were paid. At one stage I eventually remained silent, refusing to argue as my intuition advised me that there would not be a mention of another deal in the near future, with or without him. Rather, he was just trying to make me hang on unaware that I wasn’t betting my life on it. In addition, Romano suggested that I remain at the house, rent free until I was in position to move out. This was a great relief as not to feel pressured but somehow the longer I remained there, the more my work would be delayed and therefore, the longer it would take to leave it all behind me.
It was approaching the first month that I was living in the house rent free and as I predicted there was no further mention of a business deal proving my intuition to be correct once again.
Despite sharing the house proving difficult, I continued to tell him everything about my life considering him to be my best friend.
Occasionally on my weak moments we would end up making love bringing forth the feeling that I desperately tied to bury inside to the surface with increasing passion. But the follow days would bring reality knocking louder than ever on the door causing yet another argument and leading Romano to tell me to “get out of his house”. The most vicious arguments always stemmed from the fact that I had been to dinner with friends. This was totally unacceptable to him and on arriving home his frustration would lead him to put me through the same humiliating situation as I went through on the night he called Orlando.
It was insanity, first he wanted me to remain and then when I did, he thought he could lay the rules because he paid the rent. But deep down I was aware that he knew exactly how he was playing. How would I ever be able to move out if I waited to be back on my feet? There were no business deals so it would take a lifetime.
Saturday morning I woke feeling nauseas with the thought of facing the weekend. Unlike the weeks that I had longed them to arrive, I now wished them to be over before they even started. Weekends meant being around Romano which in turn led to a greater probability of disagreements, frustrations and torturing arguments.
Immediately after I finished in the bathroom I made my way to the veranda to avoid being in the same room as him. As I took a deep breath of fresh air and looked around the beautiful view that I had been privileged to share I was now more than aware that I had to leave it for another destination sooner than I thought. It was now time to make a plan and stick to it and the first step was to find someone to loan me enough money to cover the first months rent and the standard bond.
Upon opening my contact list I heard Napoleon barking and with it the sound of sadness at the prospects of him loosing his huge playground. But I couldn’t think of depressing situations now, I had to be strong and face the music to whatever tune it was about to play and began preparing a message to then send it to Carla and a few other friends. Napoleon continued barking fiercer than ever and as I opened Carla’s reply agreeing to lend me the money I popped my head over the veranda to see what was going on. Looking around I heard what appeared to by somebody cutting the bushes. Napoleon was now going crazy against the wall that divided the house from the outside lane. As I looked over I saw a young man, no older than thirty appear with a sword in his hand. The man who was dressed in brown trousers and green anorak froze with his sword pointing up to the sky as soon as he spotted me looking over him. I remained perfectly still just like him, staring into his eyes as if we were playing a game. All of a sudden in a huge flashing stroke he swiped off my car Arial with the sharp sword. I ran inside the house and down the stairs screaming what I had just witnessed to Romano.
Romano ran to the door. I warned him not to open it as this guy was going insane, but he refused to listen, opened the it and began walking in the mans direction as he walked up the lane. I opened the garden door and released Napoleon before following.
Romano was now confronted with the man as he threatened to strike the sword. Napoleon ran to him causing him to surrender immediately and drop his weapon, leaving Romano to control of the dog before he attacked.
“What the fuck is going on” Romano asked.
But the guy was nervously shaking to answer and when Romano became aware of his fear asked if he was ok. The man nodded his head and continued walking up the lane and Romano followed asking once again if he was alright, but the man kept walking nodding his head and mumbling something about the airport. To my horror Romano asked him if he needed money to get there. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Here was a guy who had proved to be a danger to society, cost me damages and threatened Romano with a sword only to be offered monetary help! What he needed was to be placed in the mental hospital and what Romano needed was to learn when to be nice and when not to be.
The man continued his track up the lane until he disappeared within its winding turns. When I looked back I noticed that Napoleon had disappeared. I stood there calling him for at least five minutes but nothing. As I walked back down the lane in the direction of the house I noticed our neighbours garage doors wide open and as I popped my head inside to see if the dog was in the bushes I saw the main door was also wide open with smashed glass scattered all around the floor.
I called Romano and we both began calling through the front door making an echo down the iron stairway that lay in the hall. All I could think about was that guy mentioning something to do with the “airport” making me all the more suspicious that he wanted to escape from something. I insisted we check the house to see if there was someone hurt inside and so we made our way down the steep spiralling stair case trying to doge all the tiny pieces of glass that were the remainder of the frames that once protected the precious art paintings that adorned the high walls.
To my relief Napoleon appeared as we approached the bottom. Suddenly we noticed that the floor was covered with a good four inches of water but we continued walking through the messy divisions and checked each room that had been turned upside down but there was no sign of life or Napoleon again. We continued searching desperately until finally Romano found him in the small lavatory that we had overlooked thinking it was a kitchen cupboard. In front of her lay a thin gaunt looking man lying on the floor who did not appear to be breathing.
“Call the ambulance, call the police now” Romano screamed.
I did as I was told and waited for Romano to tell me if the man was still alive.
“He’s alive, but I don’t know if he is going to make it. He is loosing his body temperature in this water”
Within a few minutes the ambulance arrived and shortly after them the police.
“This looks like an overdose case” said one of the ambulance men as they carried him out on the stretcher.
We were then asked to accompany the police to the police station for questioning. When we arrived we found the man with the sword. Miguel as he was called was a famous Portuguese actor who was in fact our neighbour, the tenant of the house where we had discovered the overdosed man. But Miguel was unrecognisable. I had only seen him a few times, the last being a few weeks before but since then his body weight had disintegrated by half!
Miguel had been arrested for causing further disturbances to private property on the next lane from ours and the police were awaiting the call of his psychiatrist for further action as according to them, this was a mental illness. But something about his behaviour was warning me that he used this so called psychiatric illness as an excuse for his outbursts and deep down he was really far more intelligent than he led people to believe. Firstly he became petrified immediately changing his psychotic behaviour as Napoleon appeared. Secondly as I sat there watching him, all the personal information that the officers requested from him was provided correctly despite the fact that when they asked him what happened, he couldn’t remember. Thirdly, when I made conversation with him, treating him as if he did have an illness, he would burst out laughing as if he pitied me for being a fool and believing. But in addition something else was cause for alarm. Romano and I were still not on good speaking terms and as I sat on the opposite side to him and Miguel, they were continuously laughing and making jokes and at one point I heard Romano say
“Yes, we think alike. I know exactly what you mean. I understand you totally mate” before they once again burst into laughter.
In relation to the guy we found overdosed in the house, the police discovered he was a local vagabond who must have squatted in the house during the three days that it had been abandoned, meaning the three days that Miguel had been on his so called psychotic trip.
Monday arrived bringing with it an end to the weekend’s excitement. Saturday’s adventure had created the topic of conversation between Romano and I making those two days more tolerable taking our minds off arguing.
I was now back to facing business and instead of taking my daily walk with Napoleon I got straight to work on contacting estate agents to arrange viewings. The cold bitter reality hit me harder than ever as I suddenly realised that Romano and I were over and after all the pain and suffering I went through, I knew that I had dearly loved him and wished that everything had been so different. But how could I give myself unconditionally and sacrifice everything for someone that made me insecure and that I couldn’t trust? But on the other side of the coin once again came the possibility that I was to blame for everything like Romano had tried to convince me. What was I doing? Was it really my fault?
I spent the next few days boxing everything up. Every item I picked up to pack supplied me with a whole array of memories to then be showered by a rainbow of doubts as to whether or not I was doing the right thing. I just couldn’t figure it out. On the one hand, something was seriously wrong with me; I wasn’t myself anymore. On the other, I was leaving the person that I still loved. But once again a memory would arrive to encourage me to continue packing before I became so insecure that I would no longer have the will power to do it in the future. I remembered Romano once saying;
“All the men look at you just because you have a nice butt and pair of tits. If you didn’t things would be different”
I felt so insecure that for the following few weeks, rain or shine I covered my body with various long, baggy jumpers to disguise my figure totally. The last thing I wanted to think was that guys just looked for that reason. But although he was wrong it wasn’t the issue. The issue was that he had covertly tried to tear down my confidence.
In between packing I made my way to Carcavelos to view the apartments that I had arranged and decided to take the second. It was nothing like my old place; much smaller and older but it was affordable and it was going to be mine and that’s all that counted. The contract was to be signed the follow week.
Romano was very well behaved during this period, trying very hard to be as nice as possible. That evening I mentioned that I had found an apartment but he didn’t seem disturbed as he probably thought it was another “cry wolf”.
Further into the night he asked me to take a few minutes and try and explain everything that had been on my mind and for the first time I told him everything from the marriage proposal, to his step mother, to the business deals and everything else. Somehow he listened and understood this time. On all previous attempts my words had fallen on deaf ears or maybe not taken seriously enough to the point that I would no longer argue back during our arguments as I had already told him that certain things were wrong.
Romano also expressed what he didn’t agree with, as ever, he accused me of hiding him from my friends. But he was wrong; I had introduced him to my friends. But in a way he was correct, I didn’t take him with me as the very few times I was with them was in fact to get my personal problems and paranoia’s off my chest. Further, what he failed to acknowledge was that he had his private life in the day, and during it he did what ever he wanted, resulting in an unfair one sided situation which at one point made me wonder if he was more interested in getting to know and socialising with my friends, or actually being with me.
The day of the contract signing arrived. Although Romano was aware that it would be this week he had no idea of the day. As if he could smell something he arrived home from work unexpectedly early and looked around the hundreds of packed boxes that were stacked feet high all around the room. With tears in his eyes he made his way to the sofa where I was sitting and bowing his head asked if I was going to go through with it.
“I’m sorry Romano; I can’t continue living in this doubt. And anyway, I have given my word to the Landlord”
Suddenly he said
“So the lets get married”
King size butterflies immediately filled my stomach just like they had done when he asked me on the way to Alhandra but suddenly the horrifying memories of the last experience made them disappear as if they retrograded back into caterpillars. Despite me having stressed the last time that I would only get married with a prenuptial agreement he had played with my feelings on serious issues.
The phone rang. It was his Father asking how he was intuitively knowing something was wrong. As I sat there waiting I remembered how at one stage I thought that Romano was afraid of marrying me as his father would not approve. Suddenly I heard Romano say
“Dad. We are getting married”
I looked up at him and he repeated
“Yes, we are getting married as soon as the registry office has a date”
I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t believe what was happening. All the sadness that I had accumulated about everything just evaporated there and then with one phone call and I was taken over by an indescribable feeling of euphoria erasing all the negativity of the past.
Off we went together to meet the Landlord and advice him there had been a change of plan, that we were getting married.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The two short weeks leading up to the wedding seemed never ending despite our time being occupied with making all the simple arrangements for our quiet civil ceremony.
We decided that only our parents should know and be present and everybody else should be informed later.
Romano and I had no other topic of conversation other than counting down the hours to our big day. Although the most important thing; the marriage application and date having been taken care of I was still in a great state of shock and couldn’t digest the fact that everything had turned around from one day to the next, eliminating the past and bringing hope for the future.
The afternoon sunshine’s made it unbearable to be in the oven like living room that it’s rays had created. Having just hung up the phone on Carla reminded me of Alhandra and in a desperate bid to drown the long days that had doubled in length with the anxiety of our wedding; I picked up my keys and headed off.
When I arrived in front of the tomb stone I was taken over with the same sensations as my first visit but somehow these felt more intense and overwhelming. A voice inside me told me to cut meat and fish from my diet! Once again I couldn’t understand it as meat and fish were essential for a healthy diet. But I brushed it off believing that my mind was getting the best of me and made my way home feeling positive and deciding that I would discuss my experience with Carla at a later date.
Romano was already home when I arrived and as soon as I opened the door he ran to greet me, to then accompanying me into the living room as I filled him in on my days events. As I walked passed the dining room table, I couldn’t help but to notice the “money and your rights” magazine and asked what it was. He replied that Jo had given it to him as it contained all the necessary information on marriage preparations. Finding it highly sceptical that she was trying to help, I brushed it off and made my way to the kitchen to make coffee only to pick it up on my way back to join Romano on the sofa.
To my Horror the headlines were all about Divorce! As I opened to the correct page I found a minute paragraph on how to apply for a marriage licence and the rest was pure and simply devoted to Divorce procedures and how to be protected. It was absolutely sick what she was doing. Here we were happy about our wedding and she was already interfering and spreading the famous negativity as well as trying to protect the family jewels not realising that we were marrying with a prenuptial agreement. But above all, why was she interested in reading this magazine about how to protect money and rights?
This whole thing seemed like a curse leading me to spend the rest of the night wondering more about my divorce than my wedding and giving me cold feet.
As I was working on my computer the following afternoon, I smelt burning. The smell intensified tenth fold within a short while making me panic. As I desperately tried to discover where it was coming from, I was led in direction of the living room door and then to the electrical board that was situated behind it. Increasingly I become nervous feeling forced to advice Romano of the problem by text message.
Half an hour went by and still no reply, and the smell was as intense as ever. Finally he called and I asked him to come quickly as I was sure there was a fault in the electricity board which by now was preparing to explode, but Romano just told me to switch the board off and I did. But the smell still continued and everything I possessed was in danger so I sent him yet another message advising him of the situation. He didn’t reply.
Suddenly as I stood there holding my head as I was about to call the fire brigade I saw smoke coming from the plant which was situated at the open window. To my relief it was a cigarette butt that had been badly extinguished there.
Although it was a relief it wasn’t as I realised that my soon to be husband found it more important not to interrupt a business meeting than come and help me in times of danger!
But he did come home. He came home two hours later and as he discovered how annoyed the situation had left me he blamed me for extinguishing the cigarette there in the first place. But what if it hadn’t been the cigarette, what if something was burning? He would have arrived home after all the firemen had left!
Feeling bitter, angry and betrayed at the way he handled or ceased to handle the emergency I accepted Simon’s early dinner invitation for that same evening and made my way to Carcavelos before Romano could arrive home.
During dinner Romano called but I didn’t answer as I too was now as busy as he had been when I needed him. When that failed he resorted to sending text messages and when chose to ignore them too he became furious and must have called my mother who out of coincidence during their conversation stressed how deeply concerned she was with the situation he had left me regarding the VAT debt. It was in fact true, I had expressed my concern to my mother in the recent past but today this was not the issue. Instead of admitting that he had done wrong and understood why I was upset he chose to find something else to argue about to divert the problem.
I continued ignoring his messages. Suddenly Simon placed his head down and nudged my arm as we sat on the terrace of the restaurant. As I was about to place a fork full of vegetable terrine in my mouth, I looked up and saw Romano parking the car causing me to knock my half filled glass of wine to the side. Simon quickly stood up and began soaking up the stains with the cloth napkin but I told him to sit back down as Romano made his way over.
He approached the table turned his serious eyes away as he looked at me and produced a big smile to Simon, shock his hand and sat at the table. Simon didn’t know what to do. He was more than aware that Romano disliked him with a passion so he sat there quietly and politely until Romano decided it was time to have a conversation.
And so the conversation started and they were both acting as if they had been good friends for years. I couldn’t believe it but remained there silently waiting to see what the turning in my stomach was warning me against. Suddenly Romano said to Simon
“Can you believe this, I give her five thousand euros a month and she still complains to her mother that I leave her in the shit?” he said sarcastically laughing.
I nearly fell off my chair! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Firstly it was a lie, I didn’t make that much on a deal. Secondly there had not been any deals for the past few months. Thirdly, the money I had made was not given to me by him, it was business. Fourthly, even though this was a lie he was discussing my private life in public! How could I trust this person that I was about to marry?
But luckily Simon already knew the situation. He was one of the people I had asked to invest and as he always inquired to how the business was going I often found myself telling him that it wasn’t really going as there was an absence of deals leading me to be preoccupied with the accumulation of VAT debt. What he didn’t know though was how much my deals involved and had no need or right to as that was my private business. But here was Romano discussing my intimate affairs although completely twisted from the truth to amount to some sick joke. The truth of the matter was that Romano was paying my business back monthly, but I was not making business and he certainly wasn’t giving it to me.
I ended up leaving with Romano after drowning a bottle of red alenteijo wine in his presence.
As we headed home along the winding coastal road that was lit up by the streams of moon light on the calm waves below, Romano called me as he followed behind. Firstly he apologised for the way he spoke at the table, assuring me that it would not happen again, and secondly he told me to take the next right exit into the forest.
I did as he asked and found myself entering a straight lane that led through the heart of the forest of Sintra. It was by now eleven pm and the headlights and the full moon supplied the only light to the wilderness we were entering. On each side hung enormous gigantesque trees that appeared to be watching our every move and every now and then we were reminded of the habitat we were trespassing as the dragon flies busily made their way around the neighbour hood to remind us that there was life.
Suddenly Romano flashed his lights ordering me to pull over. I did and arrived at a huge pile of gigantic smoothly chiselled rocks. Romano turned his car off and walked towards mine.
“Turn your lights of and get out of the car” he asked.
Within a split second we were left in another world listening to the strange yet peaceful sound of emptiness that every now and then was broken with the sound of a breaking twig. We were in total darkness and the only glimpse of light was the reflection of the moon bouncing off the shinny rocks that lay ahead.
I couldn’t see anything in Romano’s direction. I just knew he was there as my senses advised me. Suddenly I felt his warm hands cup my face and begin to kiss me violently, making me gasp for air. But he didn’t stop and began pressing himself on me, rubbing harder his penis harder against my vagina to the point that we were both loosing control. The dangerous environment we were surrounded by only intensified the feeling of our animal instincts, creating more lust, desire and powerful vibrations. Romano was going crazy and ripped open my blouse causing the buttons to echo against the car as they dropped, only to do the same with to my bra, liberating my breasts as he squeezed them nervously with full hands.
Before I knew it I was left with my light cotton blouse balancing on my shoulders and my trousers laying around my high heels shoes as face down on the bonnet of my car. Romano started penetrating me with such passion and force that I could feel his testicles banging against my vagina as he desperately thrust his pelvis and squeezed my breasts for support, making the echo of my moans louder as they bounced through the forest.
Suddenly he held my shoulders and pulled himself on top of me and as he supported his feet on the car bumper, pulling my shoulders back towards him to get a firmer grip of his procession as he pushed deeper. Hanging on me like he was my owner, he climaxed all over my back, to then rub it in every millimetre of my skin as he released his last sighs of pleasure and satisfaction.
CHAPTER 13
The never ending lead up to our wedding day had finally been dissolved by a time that appeared to belong to another dimension; the never ending dimension of eagerly waiting in excitement.
It was now the big day and Romano woke me up with a huge mug of coffee and a smile that was lit up by the orange shades of sun rays that beamed through the window reminding us that it was now the day we had longed for. But unlike any other day seven O’clock seemed so late to wake up but yet so far from midday. I wasn’t sure who was most excited, Romano or I. We spent hours in bed laughing about how we were going to get married and comparing ourselves to all those couples such as his best friend….who spent an eternity year of energy planning their big day.
The whole secrecy of our wedding had undoubtedly accumulated a sense of adrenalin in me that was ready to explode and the fact that we were going to get married in torn jeans was even more appealing in a society where “appearances” prevailed.
After endless cups of double dosed espressos which left the house smelling better than the most elegant coffee shop, Romano left to tie up some business at the office only to arrive back a few hours later overweighed with Roses.
Finally we were ready to head off in our blue torn jeans and white tops as I firmly held onto our wedding ring box.
On the journey to The Registry office we couldn’t help but wonder how the families were going to mix, after all, they had never met each and further, my mother knowing all the details of his step mother interfering in our lives wasn’t going to help.
As we approached the road we were covered in sweat as a consequence of the heavy conversation and the heat despite the air conditioning being on full blast.
We walked into the registry office, I nearly died! My parents were dressed casually like I had asked them, Romano’s dad in a casual suit as usual but the step mother, my God! She went out of her way to try and out dress everybody but unfortunately ended up embarrassing herself! She must have thought we were joking when we stressed to appear casually or better, thought we were trying to catch her out but unfortunately her paranoia made her look ridiculous as she stood there dressed in an expensively cut cream silk suit decorated with gold seems and matching gold shoes. Basically she was dressed to steal a bride’s limelight in a traditional church wedding but here she just stole the spotlight for looking out of place.
While we waited to be called in the atmosphere was tense and Romano and I tried desperately to bring the two groups together under the weight of silence but neither side knew what topic of conversation to pull and even afraid of doing so to avoid saying anything offensive.
As usual the step mother behaved as if nothing had ever happened, although much quieter than she had been on our previous encounters. Out of politeness I tried desperately hard to play her game even though the thought of her being one of the witnesses’s to sign my wedding certificate made me want to vomit.
In the meantime Romano’s Father made his way into the reception room to speak to the judge. I knew exactly what he was doing as he certainly wasn’t paying for the fees as we were taking care of them. He was just making sure that there was a prenuptial agreement as surely he thought I was marrying for money, making me recall the dreaded magazine.
Finally we were called in. Not knowing what to do I sat shyly next to Romano at the judge’s desk and all I could hear was Jo’s annoying voice in the background telling everybody what to do.
When the judge read out our names, Romano’s Father interrupted.
“I’m sorry Madam but you made a mistake in my son’s name” he said in a disturbed low voice.
“No Dad. I have added Diana’s last name before my surname”
His Father was speechless, forced to allow the judge to continue.
Within minutes the rings were nervously exchanged and we were pronounced man and wife. It took a few seconds to sink in but as soon as it did, my stomach was taken over by tingling shock waves. We were married!
By then, the families were more relaxed and comfortable in each others presence and against mine and Romano’s wishes my mum insisted we all went to toast the day at her house before we left to spend the night in a hotel.
When we arrived I began telling my parents that Carla’s book was to be released the following week and as Romano’s father loved literature his ears peaked up, immediately inquiring into the genre of the book. I was so glad he asked me that as opposed to the topic and so I replied
“Oh, my best friend has written a biography”
Meanwhile Romano called his brother in Italy to break the news while I was busy forwarding text messages to everybody I knew. Suddenly I overheard his brother stating that Jo had informed him that she and his father were very sad as we had never invited them to our house. I kept quiet and as soon as Romano finished the call I looked at my mother in full view of every body and said
“You see mum. I have invited these people to our house on various occasions and they refuse only to then tell people they haven’t been invited” I said with a sarcastic laugh.
“Well you haven’t Diana” Jo said innocently.
I ignored her and continued
“Oh I forgot, actually, over Christmas dinner Jo did say she would never dare go there because of the Rottweiller. So maybe when we get rid of the Napoleon she will consider it “an invitation” I laughed sarcastically again.
But still Jo had the nerve to lie out straight in every bodies face, especially knowing that Romano, his Father and I both witnessed it. But anyway, a Leopard can’t change its spots, and nothing about her surprised me anymore. But Jo was by now feeling rather uncomfortable despite not daring to show it as her practice had made her a perfectionist in the field. She whispered in his Fathers ear and his Father then invented an excuse to excuse them which to Romano and I came as a relief as we just wanted to go and find a hotel for the evening.
We said our farewells, went past our house, made our suitcases and drove off. The world was our oyster.
CHAPTER 14
The weeks that followed our wedding proved to be the happiest ever in the history of our relationship as the huge wall of doubt that had remained a severe obstacle between us had now been dissolved to mere rubble and optimism prevailed.
The release of the book “300 Client’s Habituais” arrived and within a week the book reached number 6 on the nations Bestseller list. The hype caught everyone’s attention instantly and Romano’s Father and Jo were no exception.
“They read the book and asked me if it was about you. Further they have found out about the business and my dad is accusing me of fraud and stealing from the company. Diana they actually think you have a fake company!” Romano said as he arrived home for lunch.
I didn’t now what to say accept that I had begged Romano to tell his Father about the business before we even started it. But every time I reminded Romano he would say that my company was just like any other company he used and managed alone. But after reading the book Jo had put one and one together and went through all the invoicing at the office to find my company, insisting that it was used illegitimately to divert money.
This was the last thing I needed. I hadn’t had a deal in over five months although despite Romano continual insistence that there would be one the following. Further, as he made all the negotiations and invoicing for my company I was completely out of control and worried to hell about the double purchase he had made at the beginning of the year that still needed liquidating. All this waiting around meant that, yes I was getting paid the monthly amount we had arranged but this was not from business it was from outstanding payments his company was liquidating. And to top it up, I didn’t pay the VAT as Romano had persuaded me not to worry as future deals would soon cover the accumulated sum, adding that it was much cheaper to owe the government than the bank.
Romano spent the next few days correcting all the invoices and when I inquired as to why he stated that an error had been found in his accounts department, causing me to panic and wonder what the hell was going on. But as usual he convinced me that everything was resolved and I was left little choice but to trust his word despite my gut feeling advising me otherwise.
The ambience remained stressful at his office for the next few days and when he finally provided his father with all the evidence of a legitimate company etc, his father and Jo inevitably fell. As things once again hadn’t worked in Jo’s favour she called Romano
“I can’t believe the cheek of that stupid bitch. Who the hell does she think she is? She is going to pay for all this” he said as he walked through the door
Jo had called him screaming and shouting furiously and disgusted by her attitude Romano contacted his father immediately warning him to keep his wife away from him in the future, together or not! But it was during tense period truths were made known.
“I pay that bitch 2.500€ per month. She isn’t even welcome at my office. Everyone despises her. She just comes in and gives orders whenever she feels like it” he said
“Are you serious? What the hell is her position to earn such a good salary?”
To my dismay she didn’t have a position but instead just dropped by the office whenever it tickled her fancy. I couldn’t believe it! Here was this woman being paid a healthy sum for doing nothing but interfere. And I on the other hand had agreed to leave prostitution to make deals with Romano’s company on the condition that it was beneficial for both, but now, despite my original debts close to liquidated, recent ones were replacing them due to lose of business deals! But anyway I had to force myself to look on the bright side as Romano had now made it clear that he wanted her at a distance.
That evening in an attempt to get our minds off the stress that the last few days had accumulated we headed off to a romantic little restaurant hidden away in one of the old narrow alley ways deep in the centre of Sintra.
As we sat at the beautifully laid out candle lit table enjoying our glass of crisp red wine before main course arrived Romano suggested we travel to Madrid on honeymoon that same weekend. Delighted I agreed and as we were about to start making plans, a client of his called asking if he could employ his sister. I started nibbling on the delicious pasta that the short Hitler looking waiter had just placed in front of me and continued listening to the conversation, convinced that Romano would respond negatively as he had recently made over twenty employees redundant. But to my horror I nearly chocked as I heard him agree. Besides making all those people redundant, I was here all these months down the line without a business deal listening to this! But I pulled myself together convincing myself that Romano was as usual acting powerful and would soon find a valid excuse against the idea in the near future.
Suddenly I remembered that it was fifteen years to the day that my Grandfather died and that meant that I had promised myself to take him flowers. I started to panic. The past few days’ excitement had prevented me from remembering but I did and had to do it. We quickly drunk up our coffees, paid the bill and made our way on the hour journey making it lucky to arrive by eleven thirty, not to mention buying flowers.
After stopping at the fifth petrol station we got lucky and bought the flowers. First hurdle was over and now we were faced with the next; the humongous iron gates that locked up the cemetery from the outside world. It was impossible; they were indestructible so we started investigating the boundary walls of the cemetery that stood high on the hill. It was no good; they appeared to be twice as high as the gates themselves. We walked down to the village below to see if the wall height lowered along its way and to our relief it appeared to, and there was only twenty minutes to go. As we set track we came across another serious obstacle, the only route available involved trespassing through the petit little gardens of the neighbouring houses.
Eventually we had made it passed the three gardens, leaving one remaining and as our luck would have it, there was a huge St Bernard dog quietly watching our every move.
“Come on Diana, we have to climb this wall. He won’t reach us”
Romano helped me up on the wall before handing me the flowers, and as I was about to balance on its twenty meter width the dog started barking and jumping, making me drop the bouquet as I watched all the little windows light up with the racket. Suddenly the door opened and a lady with rollers turned on the garden light and asked what we were doing but I was to busy trying to keep my balance to answer.
“Sorry Madam, but we are trying to get into the cemetery. My wife’s Grandfather died 15yrs to the day and she had promised flowers. We only have a few minutes to make it”
To our surprise the lady walked over, handed me the flowers and held the dog as we continued walking across the wall. When we got to the other side, she approached the side wall that divided the house from the wild hill and stated that it was virtually impossible to climb the lowest part of the cemetery wall as it was still about ten foot high. But I just wanted to know that I had tried everything and so we thanked the kind woman and began our trek as she shouted behind us
“Ok. Good luck. When you have finished go down this little alley on the side of my house. This leads to the village so you don’t have to climb over these walls again and get yourself into trouble with the neighbours”
When we eventually crossed the step hill that was riddled with bushes we arrived at the far end of the cemetery wall and stood there silently looking up at the gigantic monster.
“Look. There is some kind of pipe work supported on the wall. Let’s see where the lowest part is and follow it up. By the way, what’s the time?”
It was five minutes to midnight! Panicking we ran to the pipe and mounted it as we desperately tried balancing on it in such a way that would allow us to abseil up. Half way there Romano alerted that it was approaching midnight; we had run out of time.
“Throw it, throw the bouquet from here Diana. We are never going to make it”
I was left no choice but to grab a gap in the wall with all my strength and through the bouquet over. I had tried everything humanly possible and that’s what counted.
As we made our way back down through the scattered trees and weeds, Romano pulled me from behind and told me to pull down my trousers, bend over and hold the tree in front of me. But the last thing I wanted was sex; my hair was covered with little sticky things which had glued on and my legs were stinging from brushing against the stinging nestles. But Romano insisted that he hadn’t had sex all day and it would be a one minute affair so I did as he said; pulled down my trousers and held the tree allowing him to enter my vagina and use it to release the whole days tension as he gave out a yell of satisfaction making me tingle at the thought that I had done what I was told.
CHAPTER 15
As Romano approached the house at six O’clock that warm Friday afternoon I ran to the door to greet him with the suitcase in my hand and despite his plea to use the bathroom, I closed the front door behind me and handed him the suit case before I ran to the car, only to allow him to do his necessitates behind our neighbouring tree.
We approached the Spanish border at ten O’clock in the evening meaning that I was still in time to pop into the local cafe and order myself a huge slice of potato tortilla. As we made ourselves comfortable on the high bar stools I casually ask if his client’s sister got the position. To my astonishment he replied that she had successfully made it through to the second interview! This was enough to put me off my food and leave its contents untouched.
We arrived in Madrid a few hours later and unlike the first round, the journey had felt like an eternity with the negative thoughts that engulfed my mind. When eventually I couldn’t contain myself any longer I asked if there would be another deal as by the looks of things his business problems had become a thing of the past.
“Oh yes, we must sort that out, Next month I promise” he said casually allowing me to feel more at ease as he had never promised before.
Slightly more relaxed we arrived at a busy dazzling hotel car park with more luggage carriers than cars. As pedicted Romano had reserved a room in one of the most expensive hotels in the area but this time instead of trying to save him money like I had in the past, I kept quiet as I knew he would blow the savings on something else.
As the sun fought effortlessly to teardown the thick hotel room curtains alerting us it was time to get up, I swung open the burgundy material to discover a huge deserted pool and excitedly suggested that we continue sleeping on the appetizing sun beds that surrounded it.
As we approached the pool, the sound of excited children echoed through the corridors advising us that we would not be alone. And as right as rain we entered the breathtaking garden to discover a family of four.
The father, a plan looking, overweight man in his mid forties who possessed a large beer belly, was pretending to read his Financial newspaper while magnetically following us with his eyes as we selected our chairs. The mother, an elegant, porcelain skinned woman who appeared to be of Greek decent of around thirty five, lay immaculately on her sun bed by her husbands side while their two children splashed noisily in the pool.
Romano and I lay there on our sun beds peacefully soaking up the extremely hot humid rays but I couldn’t help but over hear the way the father was speaking to his children in an authoritarian way. When I rolled myself over I began observing the behaviour of the upper middle class family. The four year old boy and his sister who appeared no older than ten continuously ran to their mothers side as the father showed dominance over his family, but although their mothers eyes were filled with sympathy for her children she dared not utter a word and remained still and lady like as if she was afraid of her husband.
As I turned to Romano to inform him of what I had just witnessed he was already looking their way
“The poor woman seems terrified of the bastard. She only speaks when she is forced too and even then he treats her like shit. I really don’t understand how theses women remain in these marriages” I said in a low voice
“Yes. But she has no choice. She needs him. He is the one with the money so if she ever threatened to leave him he would keep the kids. So she is stuck and dependant”
I became puzzled with his reply as in any civilized society the mother has custody of her children, so why on earth was he saying that? Somehow this triggered a warning sign that if we ever had kids, I would be confronted with the same situation as he was describing. To Romano, money was the ultimate form of power. This I discovered when he was still a client and obviously my attempts to make him understand that money was only temporary power as it could evaporate over night and true power was the ability to influence and came from within, obviously failed, although he had led me to believe otherwise.
When we arrived back to the hotel after dinner we decided to have a drink at the cocktail bar before going to our room. The men’s heads all turned as we entered and made our way to a quiet corner, causing Romano to hold me tighter as if he was displaying a prize. We sat down, ordered a bottle of wine and began chatting in the pleasant ambience.
“Isn’t’ that the family we saw at the pool walking in?” Romano asked
And unforgettably it was. The Lady was looking as gorgeous as ever in a light floral knee high dress and her short dark hair was now released from the bun, creating beautiful loose curls and causing me to immediately comment on how stunning she looked. Romano remained silent looking in their direction and bid to disagree with me although I couldn’t understand why and continued with the conversation we were having.
Within a short while I realised that Romano was not paying the blindest bit of attention to what I was saying, instead he was hypnotised by the woman now standing at the bar with her family. How could he have the audacity to say that he didn’t find her attractive when he can’t keep his eyes off her? I thought. If ever I saw a good looking person, male or female I would mention it and I expected the same as openness went hand in hand with trust and discretion on the other hand meant guilt. It was the first time in my life that anybody had the cheek to do this to me and as soon as he realised my observation said
“Yes, I’m looking because I feel really sorry for her, I mean, with a husband like that!”
I returned to the conversation but paying more attention than ever. He felt attracted to this women and that’s why he denied she was beautiful as he felt guilt. Little did he know that I wouldn’t’ have a problem if he had admitted, but like this, things couldn’t be worse. I had too much self respect to put up with this; another woman watching my husband drooling over her while I looked like the pathetic one by his side!
If on the other hand his intention was to make me feel jealous or even insecure he really had no idea that any of the possibilities marked the start of destruction. But this was it! I wasn’t going to be seen holding hands with someone like this. Every time a couple walked past me holding hands and the man secretly ate me with his eyes I instantly pitied the poor woman by his side, so the last thing I was going to be was pitied by others!
I casually stood up and suggested that we make our way up to the bedroom. Romano got up immediately and watching all the male heads turn my way, quickly tried to place his arm around me but I continued walking coolly in front. As I past the bar I looked into the woman’s husbands eyes just as he tried to look into mine by the pool, smiled and walked on as Romano continued trying to catch up with me. One thing was for certain, nobody but nobody was going to make an idiot of me.
When we entered the bedroom he innocently asked what was wrong but I had too much pride to say it and smiled knowing that one day he would feel the same. But I wasn’t going to let this spoil anything; I was going to burn that energy in something constructive and began to undress him with a smile of revenge. I knew that my body was going to be the woman’s substitute but I didn’t care because it wasn’t Romano that I was undressing, but instead the authoritarian guy who’s attitude turned me on.
My imagination began to take over me quicker than ever. Romano was now in the next door bedroom making love to the sweet woman while I now sat blindfolded in this room in front of her husband allowing him use my body for his total pleasure just like his vibrations were warning me at the pool.
He began by slowly dripping candle wax on my nipples making me beg him to stop but every time I did he twisted my nipple until it became overly sensitive only to repeat the process and excruciate my pain. Every time I pleaded him to stop as the candle wax slid down my body with the oil my skin was covered in, he would suffocate my breath with his thick wet tongue before teasing my clitoris with the tip of his finger. When satisfied, he pulled my hair down towards him guiding his penis into my mouth. Firstly in slow and then faster rhythms he controlled the groans of his pleasure by forcing my head back and forth. He placed me back up against the back of the chair as he forced my legs apart before sucking me passionately to lick up every trace of juice that he had created within me. Just as I couldn’t hold it anymore, he stopped, sat on top of me and slid his penis into my vagina making the chair tilt on its hind legs with the dominating pressure. The animal feeling that was taking over my being increased with the thought of being devoured and used by this strict conservative character .Each sound that the chair made magnified the feeling of lust that was burning inside.
Suddenly I no longer heard the rocking of the chair or felt the blindfold imprison me from the world outside. Instead I opened my eyes and looked down to find Romano underneath me.
The following week we were back to our daily routine and decided to visit a fair in the centre of Lisbon on that extremely hot afternoon. In the scorching sun we scanned all the little huts that selling everything from alternative clothing to biological products. When all was investigated I suggested we visit the little Spanish bar in one of the overlooking little streets of the area as my recent visit to Spain had undoubtedly left me with a desire for Tortilla. Romano thought it was a splendid idea so we headed off down the long isle that divided all the little huts.
As we approached the end I noticed a young tall girl working in the very last hut. Romano looked at her from the corner of his eye to the point that he invented something so we could stop so he could get a better view. Once again the idea that people could be noticing his behaviour infuriated me. Why couldn’t he just share what he thought, then it wouldn’t be an issue. He knew what I was like from the start of our relationship when by chance he mentioned that his ex girlfriend was very insecure about other women. But now I could see the two sides to the story, his ex must have been so insecure exactly because of this behaviour.
The following afternoon we returned to the lively fair to purchase the sweet little hippy blouse that had caught my eye the previous afternoon. On our way we drove down the same route as the previous day and arrived at a junction that on the contrary to my previous suggestion the day before, Romano had specifically avoided taking stating it was a longer way. As we were about to drive past that same exit I noticed Romano looking at two ordinary women who were walking towards the crossing of the previously avoided exit, to then swerve abruptly causing me to be pushed against the window. I couldn’t believe it. I was discovering that my husband looked at everything that moved despite of their physical appearance and quickly inquired as to why he had taken that turning only to hear him contradicting himself as to why he had refused to take it the previous afternoon.
Entering the fair entrance the frying chips instantly brought back childhood memories and as we returned to the stand we had visited I couldn’t stop talking about them. That was it. I couldn’t wait any longer and advised Romano that I was getting hungry. But for some reason he insisted on walking the opposite direction making me suddenly remember the girl the incident with the girl at the end hut.
“There is a good place for you to eat here. I know you love salads so you will love it”
There was no sign of the girl, so I asked why he was taking me there if I specifically specified chip on more than ten occasions but he excused himself by saying that he just thought I wanted something to eat. So despite his attempts to unwind himself from the situation I suggested that he ate there and I would buy my chips later. I saw the girl appear from behind the counter and walked towards it.
“Go on Romano, choose what you are eating” I said as me and the girl smiled at each other.
“I’m sorry but we don’t sell food. We are promoting olive oils”
Romano couldn’t have looked more embarrassed. It just confirmed that he only paying attention to the girl and had made up the excuse of the salad bar to go back there. Everything was more than crystal clear now; Madrid, the car incident and now this confirmation proved that it was not just paranoia.
I felt disgusted with all that I witnessed in the short space of a week but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of explaining. Having worked with so many men and having them as friends made me more than aware that looking was normal and not that I had a problem with it but, I did have an issue with the way he did it in secret, discovering that his type just wasn’t for me.
When we finally arrived home, I began exchanging messages with a friend, João. I needed company that night but not Romano’s. I just wanted to escape the negativity he had fed my mind and be with positive people, not someone who made me feel like this for the first time in my life. To my surprise Romano didn’t give me a lecture when I told him I was going to meet João as it was probably convenient for him that night.
I don’t know whether or not meeting João that evening did me good. Once again using him as a shoulder to cry on was getting to the stage where even he could see that something was seriously wrong. Further, for the first time he admitted that he could hardly recognise me as I was becoming a different person.
“Before you oozed confidence despite all the problems you were faced with. You were so bubbly and lively and had this magnificent attitude. Now you just seem to be the total opposite”
This was the first time someone had been so brutally honest but I guess others would have had the same opinion had I spent time with them. But I hadn’t and this was the last thing I wanted to hear. Maybe I just wanted confirmation that it was all in my head. But to reach the stage that everything was weighing so heavily on me to effect my personality was maybe the first painful beam of light to convince me that this whole relationship was leaving me unhealthily drained. I asked João if I could stay at his place for the night as I couldn’t bear going home to the person who was responsible for this. So without thinking further I sent Romano a message advising him that I was not fit to drive and would therefore stay at Joãos.
He responded immediately; first politely asking what was wrong and then advising me nicely to go home. When that didn’t work he became aggressive
“You whore. You come home right now before I go and find you”
I hang the phone with the embarrassing insulting behaviour and refused to answer it further to then be bombarded with sick evil messages which would usually make me feel so insecure about myself that I would give in.
Finally the last message stated that he was near Joãos making me terrified as he didn’t know where João lived but further, the last thing I wanted was to cause João and his family any embarrassment so I thanked him and left.
As I drove to the top of his street a shiver came down my spin as I spotted Romano at a distance making me wondering if my car was bugged or if he had a contact in the cell phone company allowing him to track me down. Suddenly he called asking if I was already on my way home and when I asked why he was looking for me as he knew João well, he replied.
“This is how crazy in love I am with you. This is what love does”
We arrived home within a few minutes of each other and as he walked through the door he began expressing how much he now despised João and that he no longer wanted me see him. What the hell was it this time? I though as I knew he liked João. But there had to be something as João had witnessed the phone calls and been on my side.
“I don’t mind you being with your friends if I know who you are with. But I do have a problem with João now. I went through your old black diary of client appointments and discovered that he had been your client. That’s why I don’t like the guy anymore”
This didn’t sound right. I had never kept secrets from Romano. If I hadn’t mentioned it, it would be because the opportunity never arose as I sure as hell wouldn’t deny it. But once again I had to try and understand his view even though it reminded me too much of the Simon story and even though Romano chose to forget that he was dating a prostitute for four months of our relationship.
CHAPTER 16
A few months after its release “300 Clientes Habituais” still remained in the top fifty of the Nations Bestseller list.
Carla continued to be as busy as ever conducting interviews and discovering that the media world was just as corrupt, if not more so than anything else and on various occasions not only journalists but also Tv Directors offered to help her in return for sex. But having such a strong personality, she refused such proposals which actually made matters worse as they then tried harder as to them it wasn’t normal.
Shortly after dinner Romano began printing out the invoice for the next business deal that was to be the first one in seven months. To my disbelief the deal was for only a quarter of the volume of the previous ones and when I enquired as to why he advised me not to worry as the profit margin was not the usual thirty percent, but much higher. This didn’t sound like a fair business policy to me causing me to express my dissatisfaction. But once again Romano managed to convince me.
The following day Romano informed me that he had advised his Father about the deal and that the conclusion had been reached that the profit margin should be lowered. I completely agreed as all other middle creditors were paid thirty percent. But my gut feeling advised me something was wrong but nevertheless I sat silently as Romano opened up my company’s administration programme and started to print the invoice.
As the printer released the document I snatched it and to my disbelief the invoice was not only for less than a quarter of the amount but with only a fifteen percent price up! Here I was waiting for a deal for over half a year and to top it up, being ripped of by half compared to the other suppliers! Further, my company costs were still running through all the stagnant months; accountants fees, profit tax and not to mention the interest I was paying my investors and the VAT money I was forced to use! This insanity was not even close enough to pay these costs for a month, never mind seven. Had his attempt to convince me in taking a larger percentage a strategy to distract the truth from this the later?
The voice within had long told me to rely on myself, go back to work and pay off my original debts but I just kept wanting to believe I was wrong but now the light was shinning brighter than ever. Not only had João commented on my personality change but now I was beginning to discover there was reason for feeling what I had felt all along and that my intuition hardly failed me.
Despite his promises that future invoices would be corrected I insisted there would not be future business deals and if he hadn’t taken all this time to liquidate the invoices I would have closed the company a long time before. For the first time Romano didn’t argue like all the previous months making it obvious that he was forcing me to take such a decision while appearing to be my choice. Unfortunately it made perfect sense, his company had resolved huge financial problems in the recent weeks and was now in a position to purchase stock without the middlemen.
What was I going to do with my life and how I was going to get back on my feet after wasting over a year? Further, my car accident had left me with an indentation on my scull and although most people couldn’t see it I could and my main priority was to correct it. But the solution required money and out of principal, I would only consider paying for it when my debts were cleared. But when the negativity caved me in the problem would come back to hit me harder than ever.
Romano arrived home slightly earlier for lunch and curiosity forced me to ask him why. He hadn’t been to the office that morning but instead met his father to sign some documents at the lawyers. But a strange feeling reached my stomach forcing me to ask if his step mother had accompanied them and to my disbelief she had making it blatantly obvious that he had lied to me as a few weeks earlier he specifically stated that he didn’t want her near him. But the damn woman continued knowing more about my husband personal life than I did, as well as having full access to everything.
That was it, I wasn’t putting up with any of this negativity any longer, neither was I going to wait for Romano to arrive home as explaining this diplomatically to him was impossible and I couldn’t bare to face another one of those torturing situations when he would make me sit listening to him insult me, my friends and my personality repeatedly to the point that he turned burgundy in the face and literally foamed at the mouth.
With tears rolling down my face I ran upstairs packed the bare essentials, reached for my most important business files, my laptop and my phone charger, said goodbye to Napoleon and piled all my stuff into my car.
I arrived at my mother’s house and as soon as she saw the suitcase in my hand she knew she need not ask another question. I made my way to the spare bedroom and lay gazing at the ceiling on the bed wondering where I was going to go from there. I loved Romano dearly. We had been through a lot and he had sacrificed everything for me but still it didn’t mean that it would be happy ever after.
I remembered my old clients and how they didn’t have the strength to make the decision that I was making and instead remained in unhappy marriages where honesty and trust were nonexistent. How I would preach to them! I remembered the ones who bribed me into paying my debts and how I had refused as I knew what they wanted in return. But the only man that I had fallen in love with despite my many efforts to break us up while I was a whore, was the one who convinced me to accept a business venture that was convenient for both. How stupid had I been? If I had followed my own values I would have finished work by now, I would have done it all myself and wouldn’t owe ridiculous amounts to the Tax and VAT department, never mind that invoice I still had to liquidate.
My mind was taken over by the problems that I had to resolve before I could actually raise the money to find a surgeon to resolve the dent I had in my face. The truth was that on a bad day I couldn’t face looking in the mirror as this psychological disorder would be overwhelmingly stronger than me leading to auto destruction. Romano was the one person who I confided in and investigated my “mirror” fear, helping me conclude that it was in fact a disorder. But I remembered the night we argued and I stayed at a hotel. After numerous sweet messages asking me back he then reverted to this one when the first failed
“You are a horrid person. You deserve to go back to that life I found you in. Go on, look in the mirror I dare you. Yes what you see is disgusting, horrid it’s not in your head, it’s real. You look like a monster!”
But this was just another sick destructive comment that I had to get over and the thought of them made me burst into tears hoping that everything had been different.
As soon as Romano arrived home and noticed that I had left he began to bombarded me with messages but I was just to hurt and upset to answer them despite his continuous insistence.
It was now two days since I left and knowing how tuff this period was proving for me Marilyn invited to dinner at eight O’clock that evening.
Marilyn was still her bubbly self and much more relaxed after reading 300 Clientes Habituais and discovering that her identity had been carefully protected. But besides the book the only topic of conversation over the salad dish was Romano.
“You two are pathetic! You are like two grown children!”
Suddenly Romano called and before I could say a word his accumulated frustrations from the past few days forced him to start screaming to the point that I did the usual and hung up causing him to call back more infuriated and aggressive than ever. Marilyn’s smile suddenly dropped.
“He has a serious problem Diana. Arguments are normal but this is despicable. This is not a way to treat anybody” she said with a puzzled face.
Once again I don’t know if that’s what I wanted to hear. Maybe I just wanted to hear I deserved him screaming.
It was approaching two am when I arrived back. My car parking space was occupied so I left my car around the corner and headed straight to bed.
At five O’clock I woke up to find Romano in my bed. My mother had spotted him sleeping outside in his car, felt sorry for him and invited him in. Being in his arms as he lay behind me made me feel warm, releasing all the anxiety of resolving my surgical problem that had dominated my whole existence since I left the house.
Still behind, he unbuttoned my night blouse and pulled down my knickers, leaving me completely naked against the warm sheets. And there and then, without permission or foreplay to lubricate my vagina he penetrated me as I lay in his arms, making me feel that I belonged to him.
We remained in the same position naked for hours with just our skins for warmth as he rocked me in his arms asking me to pack my suit case and go home. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t think of going back as I would never be happy until I solved my problem by having surgery as during those long horrid days I had convinced myself that this was the cause of all our problems. Romano suggested we take care of it straight away, advising me to use up the funds that I had in an insurance policy which were to be used to pay my last investor, Pedro and the travel expenses would be covered with his credit cards. This was all well and good but what about the VAT and TAX debt and that dreaded invoice from that past where he had placed a double order? But Romano suggested that he would start making regular monthly payments to the tax office and as for the double order he had made on my companies behalf, he insisted he would find a way to solve the problem.
Suddenly the feeling of relief that the nightmare would soon be over was enough to blind me from reading the small print and erasing the reason why I had moved out, forcing me to jump out of bed and pack my bags.
The following weeks my mind was taken over wit the necessary arrangements to book the surgery and travel arrangements.
CHAPTER 17
As we walked down the steps of the huge jumbo jet at ten am, the sweat immediately poured off our faces under the extreme heat reminding us that we were now in a different world, we had arrived in Rio de Janeiro, the city I had desperately longed to land on since my accident.
Within two hours we arrived at our luxury hotel but I was too excited to admire it and immediately requested a taxi to take us to the doctors office.
I left the doctors happier than when I entered as the wise old man who had been practising no less than fifty years emancipated enormous confidence that my instincts automatically told me that I was in safe hands. The surgery was to take place the following morning and as I had been warned that I wouldn’t be in any condition to leave the bedroom for a few days, I insisted that we had dinner in the city.
The warm, electric night led us to a busy wide avenue busting with laughter and colourfully decorated by bright lights. Every step we made was like entering a different world as the music changed dramatically from samba to jazz as too did the ambience. Suddenly I spotted women waitress’s dressed in little more than their bikinis and suggested we dine there. And so we made our way through the psychedelic lounge chairs that were scattered in the terrace area, and sat on a bright orange corner sofa underneath a huge palm tree that was lit up by millions of colourful lights.
Within second we were approached by a friendly young waitress wearing an orange bikini top and white wrap over. As she greeted us she bent forward to place the ashtray on the table focing me to move sideways to avoid her huge D cup chest hitting my face. Romano became uneasy and didn’t know where to place his eyes, only to be saved by the phone. I asked the waitress to give us a few minutes before ordering.
It was Romano best friend calling from Italy to make arrangements for the wedding which was just two months away. Romano had previously suggested I accompany him but as I was awaiting confirmation for an interview around that time I hadn’t been sure what to do although when I found out it was the month before he had already become use to the idea of going alone.
The bubbly waitress returned and took down our order leaving Romano to tell me his endless stories of his post university year off to travel the world. Although he had told me most of them, being in Rio de Janeiro brought back a whole array of memories.
As he was speaking I was admiring all the beautiful women that walked past.
“You must have had a party here. These women are gorgeous”
“Oh yes. I must have fucked at least fifty of them. They flock to you if you are a foreigner. They are so easy to get in the sack. Actually, you have to fight them off.” He giggled.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing but tried to remain calm and discreetly swallow the lump that had accumulated on my throat. The year in which he travelled was one of the four years he was with his ex girlfriend and every time she was mentioned in a conversation he had sworn blind that he had always been faithful to her throughout their entire relationship. Further, I clearly remembered that during his time as a client I jokingly asked how he had managed to be without a woman for a year on the period he travelled.
“Well, my palm and her five daughters” He would always reply.
I was shocked, this was further proof that this man couldn’t be trusted and more light to show me that things were not just in my head. I really didn’t care if he had been faithful to his ex but the fact that for some reason he always tried to highlight the fact that he had when he hadn’t was enough to see my face in her back. “What a screw up you have just made. Don’t you see that lies have short legs?” I thought as I continued looking into my plate, forcing a smile as he continued talking.
But I wasn’t going to allow this to spoil my mood but instead concentrate on what I was there to do and leave the rest for when I recuperated from my operation.
The day of the surgery arrived and despite the surgical risks I was just so excited to go through with it all. And by the time I went into theatre and woke up, it was all over, leaving me to recuperate for a few days before flying back home.
The plane trip back from Rio de Janeiro left no space for happy conclusions, leaving me to figure out what I was going to do with the continuous surprises. Even though I had tried to blame everything on the dent in my face, that was now resolved and I was more than ever able to see that I had used it as an excuse for Romano’s untrustworthiness. Promising myself that things would be different from then I decided that I would no longer devote all my time to somebody I couldn’t trust and further, I was now going to stop analysing because it was unworthy of analysis, just like I would no longer feel hurt by anything. Instead I was going to take it a step at a time, live my life and figure out how I was going to clean the mess and stand alone again.
I had now made a decision; my life was no longer going to evolve around someone I loved, as this love had caused me great pain but rather, I was determined to do things to fall out of love, and this was my way; not living my life around that person. And so, when Carla suggested that we start writing a book on our experience with Dr Sousa Martins I quickly agreed and began meeting her after six, just as Romano was arriving home from work.
On our second meeting he was unable to contain his anger and insisted that I shouldn’t have a problem taking him with me, and if I did, then I was obviously having an affair. But this fell on deaf ears, it was just his way of trying to make me proof him wrong. Further, if his problem was being away from me, why had he sounded happy going alone to the wedding and why did I keep out of his business time and yet he wanted to be involved in mine. Once again, it was just one sided.
But his personal business was for him and his step mother to know and things were no longer going to be one sided. Now my personal business was private too and gone were the days that I told him everything only to have it twisted to unbelievably extremities and thrown back in my face to suit his purpose. Gone were the days that I wanted him to be a part of everything that I did and build together. Well, this one sided thing was never going to work, not to mention the dishonesty it caused so now it was time for him to feel in my skin.
Increasingly I returned home to be put through the whole predictable process of shouting and abuse at and as usual I would keep quiet as he never listened when I had tried to express myself.
He grew increasingly suspicious of everything or pretended to be so I would feel entitled to prove him wrong. My phone and computer were his main targets more than ever and this one afternoon I left my MSN window open with the conversation I was having with a friend overseas. In the chat I discussed what I had discovered in Rio, amongst other things but above all, that I was going to leave the miserable situation and move out when he left for the wedding in Italy. Romano didn’t mention what he read but I knew he had as the Msn window was on large scale as opposed to small like I had left it. But as his trip was so important he pretended he hadn’t.
Finally, this one evening I released the pressure from within and mentioned the conversations in relation to his ex. As predicted he was quick to defend himself stating that during the time he had taken a year off to travel, they had taken a break from the relationship. Oh how I would have loved to believe him but he was just contradicting himself. What about “the palm and five daughters”? But I didn’t even mention it.
Out of desperation he suggested that I call his ex and ask and not expecting the spell to go against the wizard I sent her a message asking if she recalled having a “break” from her relationship with Romano at anytime.
“Hi. In answer to your question, no, I don’t recall having had a break during my relationship with him”.
Romano didn’t know what to say but instead insisted that if they had not split up during that period he would never have travelled that year. For any other person this may have been a valid answer but to me it was total garbage as it was more than usual for his ex to spend months with her family who lived in a foreign country. It was a bad excuse.
As the wedding approached I couldn’t take anymore of the living hell and decided to wait for Romano to arrive home to break him the news that I was moving out. Somehow my decision didn’t hurt as much as the previous times as I had just about enough of the sick relationship and was now aware that he had tried to change the best of me; the original me and the person he had fell in love with, if indeed he had.
When he arrived home from work I asked him to take a seat to break the news. As soon as I mentioned I was leaving he said
“Yes you whore. You are going back to work aren’t you? That’s why you want to leave, isn’t it Diana, isn’t it?”
The more I argued back the angrier he became, pocking my face with his finger while I sat there still. Eventually I couldn’t take anymore and screamed for him to stop but he wouldn’t. He just wanted me to sit there and take the humiliating behaviour until I couldn’t take anymore. Suddenly I warned him again
“Romano, stop it. If you continue I’m going to start breaking your things like you break mine. Just calm down”
But he wouldn’t and out of desperation I picked up the iron ashtray that lie on the coffee table in front and just as I was about to throw it onto his computer screen he pushed it back against me while simultaneously throwing me onto the sofa. I managed to get up but my pulse had ballooned to four times its actual size causing me to panic and feel as if I was going to black out. But still he wouldn’t stop and still he continued despite seeing the condition I was in. I ran for my bag and my lap top but he grabbed me and threw me out of the door knowing that I couldn’t go anywhere with out at least me bag.
I knocked the door but he wouldn’t answer, he felt empowered as I needed my car keys. In a rage I looked at the wooden door and without thinking further kicked the top wooden panel through causing him to run to see what had happened. As he stood there in amazement I ran to my bag but there was no way of getting my lap top without escaping, I had to leave it behind.
As I drove off with my pulsing wrist, I knew I had to find a way to retrieve my lap top before Romano did anything stupid out of revenge. One thing was for certain, if I went back in there I would never escape and if I sent a friend it would be worse. There was only one option, the police, so I made my way down to the local police station.
When I arrived I was met by the men who had attended us during the situation with Miguel. All though embarrassing it was God sent as usually I would need to make an official complaint in order to be accompanied and this was definitely the last thing I wanted to do.
When we arrived back at the house, I stood behind the two officers as they knocked on the half broken door. Romano opened it, looked at the police men and then at me and like a mad man started screaming at the top of his voice thinking that I had made an official complaint. The officers told me to go in and get my lap top while they tried to convince him that I had not made a complaint but he wouldn’t listen and as I was walking to my car he was shouting
“She is a whore, that’s all she is, a money gabbing easy whore! That book was about her. Go on, make an offer and she is all yours!”
This was totally unbelievable alerting me further to the fact that this man could not be trusted despite having apologised and promised that the incident on the dinner table with Simon would not repeat itself again. Numb and empty, I turned on my ignition and headed to my mothers house, deciding to return for my clothes during Romano’s business hours.
Romano employed the same procedure as always during my first few days away; text messages, calls etc but upon my continual ignorance he appeared at my mother’s house while my family were out shopping and with tears in his eyes and asked me back. I kept changing the subject to assure that everything went smoothly but it was proving difficult to contain the feelings that were buried inside.
At around ten pm shortly after my parents arrived he got up off his chair and politely said he was going home.
The following day our usual ten text messages per hour, were now condensed to two during the whole afternoon; one from Romano asking how I was and the other me replying that I was well and that I hoped he was too.
Determined to remain as active as possible I accepted Simon’s dinner invitation for eight O’ clock and during dinner Romano sent a message asking how I was and I promptly replied that I was well. Then he asked what I was doing and as usual I told him the truth, but again being honest was the worst thing I could have done causing him to call immediately
“You are with that bastard again, the negative bastard that got you into that life in the first place. That client of yours!?”
I hung up on his hysterically loud screaming that caused the dinners to look my way.
It was always the same excuse about Simon and the same scenario repeating itself over and over again. If I hadn’t said who I was with he would have insisted that he wouldn’t have minded if it was Simon if he knew. It was all too predictable. But what wasn’t predictable was the fact that Romano called my mother and she in turn called me.
“Diana, where are you and what are you doing”?
“I told you mum, I came for dinner with Simon. Why, what’s wrong”?
“It’s him. He is the reason for your marriage break up. It’s his entire fault”
Disgraced and confused with how she was acting I hung up as well. She knew who I was dining with as out of courtesy I happened to mention it before I left as she had known Simon for years. But she just wanted an excuse to speak her mind, or better still, Romano’s mind. He had infested her head with invented stories to obtain her support.
Just when I thought there could be no more deceit, lies or surprises then this but the thought of involving my family to turn them against me made my stomach turn.
I excused myself, said goodbye to Simon and without worrying where I was going to stay I headed to my mothers to get my belongings. One thing was certain, nobody was going to speak and treat me like she had leaving me feeling completely betrayed.
I arrived at my mothers door, rung the bell and without saying a word walked past my mother up to the bedroom and packed my half packed suitcase and made my way to the car. She started screaming at my father in the background, but profoundly hurt I ignored her and drove out of the street.
I had no idea where I was going but had never felt so alone in my life. Here I was living from a suitcase with no money, just credit cards to feed and nowhere to go. How was I going to get through this?
As I speed down the highway I looked across at the Ibis hotel and took the next exit allowing me access to the car park but this was an easy choice for the night but I was faced to find something more long term and began scrolling my mobile contact list. I stopped at Joao.
As usual João was far away at his girlfriends, but as always he never let me down and said they would meet me at his apartment to hand me the keys within the next hour. And off I headed to Amadora.
Staying at Joao’ was a great handicap as in order to keep myself busy and in business I was forced to travel to Carcavelos everyday and the petrol and toll bills were proving to be just as expensive as a rent. But I couldn’t rent, not for the next few months anyway as I had to pay the debt that I used to cover my operation and the money that I was making from my import business was just enough to start paying Pedro.
As I was driving to pick up my post at Alex’s, Romano called insisting that I met him outside the restaurant I frequented. When I arrived I parked my car next to his and did as I was told and entered his car.
“What’s this about Diana, why are you doing this? Come home”
Upon my continuous refusal his tone of voice changed abruptly and he began screaming, demanding that I got out of his car. And I did, only to be called back but I ignored him and entered my car.
By all the lunch dinners at the restaurant terrace in front were discreetly looking with the noise. Just as I was about to turn on my ignition and get away from the embarrassing situation Romano got in the passenger seat and like a mad man continued screaming and banging the dash board with his fist. All of a sudden he punched my rear view mirror off, smashing my windscreen in the process.-In a frantic rage I picked up the mirror that was under my feet, got out of the car in front of our audience and violently threw it against his car windscreen but unfortunately it bounced off.
Alarmed with my reaction he got in his car and sped away but when I entered mine I smelt burning. He had thrown a cigarette in there and the smoke was coming from under the passenger seat but the seat was stuck forcing me to run to restaurant and in front of the witness’s and ask the water for a glass to extinguish it.
His furie cost me a windscreen, a rear view mirror, faulty electrical works from the water and great embarrassment and as usual, he got away with no personal damages.
CHAPTER 18
It had been two weeks since I moved into joãos and Romano employed the same strategy; first nice sweet loving messages then resorting to harsh, cruel and evil ones when all else failed.
On one particular day he caught me at rock bottom and saying the right thing at the right time persuaded me to accept dinner with him.
At dinner, nobody would have imagined he was the person responsible for his recent behaviour and one glass of wine led to another and before I knew it I ended up going home with him.
No sooner had we walked through the door, he led me the sofa that was lit by the thousands of sweet scented candles he had left burning on the floor as if they had been awaiting the outcome. The cosy room smelt divine and the background music that he turned on created the perfect environment for making love.
Like a guest I stood politely next to the sofa waiting to be invited to sit down. Suddenly he approached me, placed his hands on my face and began passionately kissing me; first my mouth, then my face to then make his way down to my neck with slow moist bites. Within seconds I just wanted to feel him inside me, feel like I belonged to him again, and as he started unbuttoning the front of my shirt, my nipples began tingling with the vibrations. The burning inside of me was making me crazy forcing me to unzip his trouser and throw him onto the sofa, violently ripping my clothes off before throwing myself on him as he lay there with his hands above his head. Lustfully I licked his chest, his neck, his face before placing his penis into my wet vagina. As I thrust my pelvis to feel him deeper inside me I looked into his eyes to watch his pleasure accumulate into a passionate orgasm. And the thought of all the forbidden feelings I still held for him accumulated in my stomach simultaneously transforming into an intense climax.
Reality hit back harder than ever the following day making me realise that I was back where I had started; head versus heart, positive versus negative. I made my way to the upstairs veranda and started sending messages to my friends as Romano watched DVD’s downstairs. Within a while he arrived at the door and made another comment making me resent the fact that I was back.
Three hours later he returned and as usual started twisting words in anger. I maintained silent causing him to pick up the garden chairs and throw them in anger. Shocked and frightened I stood my ground. My phone rang. Just as I was about to answer it Romano snatch it out of my hand and threw it across the veranda, kicking it away as I went to pick it up. Burgundy in the face and foaming at the mouth he pointed his finger at the door and demanded that I get out before turning his back and heading back down the stairs. Still in shock I waited until I heard him arrive on the ground floor before running to the bedroom to pack.
He continued screaming from down the stairs, until eventually he could not contain himself anymore and ran up to the bedroom, slamming the door as he forced his way in. His face was transformed from the usual angelic olive complexion to a deeper evil red than on the veranda and the corners of his mouth had accumulated a white thick paste from the foaming. He continued calling me everything and wishing me the worst anybody could ever wish on a their most demonic curse. As his rage increased he threw the suitcase against the wall causing its contents to be scattered around the room while simultaneously demanding that I pack them and leave. But every time I tried to pick them up he would do it all over again making me fear what he was capable of doing next.
I managed to escape and lock myself in the bathroom. He followed and started kicking the door down. I was petrified but opened it to be immediately pushed against the wall and kept there while he pocked and spat in my face. An overwhelming feeling of hate took over me forcing me to warn him that I was going to punch him if he didn’t stop. He backed off and made his way out but all of a sudden stopped, made his way back, pointed his finger in my face again and then kicked the cane clothes bag in half.
When I heard his descending steps down the stairs I ran to the veranda to get my phone and dialled my mother for the first time since the dinner incident. He heard me talking and ran up the stairs insulting my parents, pulled the phone out of my hand and threw it during the conversation. He was angrier than ever and my fear was taking over me forcing me to escape down the stairs but he cornered me in the hall way and as I stood there terrified he looked at the picture frames that decorated the cabinet and one by one picked them up and threw them violently on the floor.
All of a sudden there was a knock at the door. Romano was too possessed to even realise. Then to my relief I heard my Fathers voice telling us to open up. He calmed down and I ran to the door.
My father remained silent as he looked around. Romano greeted him as if nothing had happened forgetting of course that he had accused my family of lying on my behalf minutes earlier. My father remained quiet and followed me through the hall, carefully treading around all the smashed glass and up to the bedroom to get my suit case.
As we headed out of the door Napoleon managed to escape. We ordered him into the house as I had no place to put him. Aware of this Romano slammed shut the door.
“And take your fucking dog too. He is your problem” he screamed
I panicked, but my father insisted he was coming with us regardless.
Romano maintained the same procedures; sent messages and made calls. But this time I felt more determined than ever to go it alone and every time I missed him I reminded myself of the mess I was in, the person I had become, the distrust and his outbreaks, generating within me the courage to face the tough times that were ahead.
I had no idea how I was going to pay the new debts and prostitution entered my mind again but my story was now all around the Nation practically forcing me to eliminate the possibility.
I spent most of my time with Carla researching and putting together our discoveries with Dr Soussa Martins. This particular Sunday Carla and I decided to go and work at the mill in Sintra as the weather was terrific and as arranged, I met her at her mothers and from there went in her car, only to catch a glimpse of Romano following us in the distance.
On my return to my mothers I remembered that we had both forgotten our laptops hidden away under her driver’s seat but as it was late and I wasn’t planning on working further I decided not to call and disturb her as her mother lived in a safe, quiet neighbourhood.
The following morning Carla called me in a panic. The laptops had been stolen! She had stayed the night at her mothers and woke up to discover a slit in the plastic rear window of her car. What was stranger was that although she had documents and coins lying around in the car, they were left untouched. Further, the computers were hidden under the seat. To add to the confusion, the car had a permanent, false alarm light flashing and only our close friends including Romano knew it, so who on earth would risk breaking into an alarmed car in a quiet, “T” road like her mothers? To top everything up, who ever stole the laptops wanted to make the least damage possible so instead of slitting the roof and causing further expenses, carefully cut along the replaceable plastic window!
Romano coincidently called that same morning to say that he had arranged to fix my windscreen that he had smashed a few months earlier! What a coincidence I thought and refused his help. But there was something stranger, despite the fact that I was acting totally normal he insisted that there was something wrong as if he was waiting for me to tell him the tragic news!
The following day I went to his house while he was at work to retrieve my back up discs. When I arrived I took the opportunity to go and find his laptop bag. He had broken my bag a few months earlier and didn’t use his laptop as the main disk had been broken for over a year but to my surprise the bag had disappeared.
That same day my parents bought me a computer and when he called I decided to tell him about my laptop. Acting surprised he volunteered to bring me my back ups. When I asked him how he had my backups he said that it was from the time when my old laptop had a virus and he had saved my information on his computer. But I remembered asking him to erase my data from his pc when my system had been reloaded and him replying that he had. Further when he bought the back ups they appeared to be more recently updated than the time of the virus!
This whole experience was just too much of a coincidence. Firstly, calling me the same day to replace my car window and fishing for information. Secondly, the missing computer bag. Thirdly, he had bought the computer to replace my previous one that he had smashed and at the time of the police incident had told me that I wasn’t taking it as it was his. Was this revenge? Fourthly, having to spend money on a new computer would mean staying at my mother’s house longer. And finally, my company’s administration programme was in the computer! If it was him, could it be that he was telling me he was resolving the problem regarding that double invoice he had made in a strange way?
Romano was leaving for Italy the following day and asked if I would take care of his new dog in his absence. I agreed, stating that it was a good time to pack my things and taking the opportunity I asked if I could leave them there until I found a place.
I arrived at his house shortly after his plane was due to take off and went straight to his computer to check my mail. As I turned it on, the computer it stated that it was being monitored which I found bizarre especially after my pc was stolen. Then I had the idea to check if I could find more of my information so I immediately called a programmer to advise me on the safest way to do so without him knowing. To my horror I I found my recent folders and to top it all up discovered that he was already scanning the prostitute websites. Shocked I sent him a message informing him that I had found that site, although I didn’t mention the rest. From here things started getting ugly and many mean messages were exchanged on both parts. For the first time I gave as good as I received causing the respect I had for him to evaporate there and then.
Carla and Alex arrived in the meantime to help pack the remaining boxes. His messages continued to the point that he threatened to go to my eleven year old cousins near by school and tell his friends parents that the book was about me! Upon my expression they asked what was wrong and when I showed them the message they insisted that everything should be removed from the house before he arrived back. But he was arriving two days later and this was a weekend! I had no way of arranging storage and a removal company in such a short period! But Carla insisted that was no excuse as she could store them in her storage room and Alex called a few friends with a van.
The following day the major things were removed, leaving me up against time to collect the little bits and pieces before just before his arrival on Monday afternoon.
CHAPTER 19
Romano remained quiet during the first few days of his arrival and I was more preoccupied on finding a cheap apartment for the following month to regret the step I had taken. Further, the recent events were still more than fresh in my mind making the disgust prevail above the thought of missing him.
I found myself spending more and more time with my old friends. Every one of them would comment on how insecure I had become, pointing to the fact that I had become very egoistic. It was true, during the time I was with Romano my self worth evaporated and I would desperately fish for compliments, like a silent scream for the attention, the attention I had lacked from Romano.
It wasn’t long before Romano began his predictable behaviour but I felt too hurt and sorry for myself to pay him any attention. When his tactics failed he came knocking at my mother’s door, insisting that we had a family meeting. This specific meeting occurred at least four times in the space of a week and by the second time I knew the programme backwards. He would arrive with a batch of papers and explain to my parents how much money he gave me only to demand to know what I did with it. The sum value included as far back as Molly and all the business deals that we made. But conveniently he did not include all my business expenses in the calculations not to mention how much VAT and TAX I still owed. But to top it all up, neither was the invoice that he had ordered with out my consent and this of course was legally my responsibility as I was the owner of the company and despite saying he had solved it, I didn’t trust him so theoretically, I still owed.
The whole situation was becoming increasingly dangerous as not only was he placing incorrect figures on the table and discussing my personal life to others, parents or not, but he kept hinting about my past profession, making me aware that I was left no choice but to tell my parents everything no matter how difficult it was going to be.
Telling them was not as difficult as I had expected as Romano had already insinuated so much that there was not much room for guessing. So the next time he came for a family meeting bringing up my past and Simon into the picture I said
“Yes, but Simon was not my boyfriend during four months while I was working. Simon didn’t wait for me in the next room did he”?
He nearly dropped dead and never in his life expected me to say it. It was all so easy placing me against a corner and all so different when the tables were turned to reveal our personal life.
It was approaching the second weekend since arriving at my parents. Simon and I had planned to visit a fair near Porto so we decided to leave on the Friday evening and make the whole weekend of it.
The fair was similar to the one Romano and I had visited but the only thing that set it apart was its hourly lectures on a variety of alternative medicine subjects, making it a whole day event.
By eleven O’clock that Saturday evening we were finished and decided to head down to the main bar of the small village. Within a few minutes of ordering our straight Whisky’s the bar tender approached us and handed us a wine bucket with a bottle of the most expensive Champaign in the house.
“Here madam, it’s from your husband”
My smile hit the floor as we both automatically looked around and there was Romano sat at a far corner of the bar, all dressed in black, fitting into the perfect Mafioso character stereotype. Here I was with my life upside down and there was he following me all this distance to show off and buy the most expensive champagne! I picked up the wine bucket, took it to his table and then spat in it before returning to Simon. But Simon found it funny and started drinking the glass the bar tender had poured him and headed off to Romano’s table to say cheers. I took a deep breath, downed my whisky in two shots and followed him.
Within half an hour we were all drunk by downing so much alcohol with nerves and Romano suggested we went to a club. I agreed but Simon who was by now sick of Romano’s sarcastic remarks decided to go and find a room for the night.
When we eventually got through the club doors, I was already more than intoxicated with lethal mixtures and the only thing on my mind was to party. And that’s exactly what we did.
Anybody who would have thought we were a recently dating couple. Every now and then the onlookers would watch with their mouths wide open as I accompanied Romano into the men’s room. But on the last occasion one of them decided to follow us in and cause problems which later led to a confrontation at the bar.
As we approached the bar the tall black guy who was dressed in the latest street gear made some kind of insult, causing me to approach him and ask him to repeat himself. On doing so he grabbed my bum and infuriated, I punched him. Suddenly we were approached by enormous built door men and before any questions were asked, he placed me in a tight neck lock and carried me up the stairs without my feet touching the ground. My claustrophobia had never before been so intense that when he released my neck at the top of the stairs I started punching out at him in a panic only to be kicked full force to the other side of the wall with a frontal kick on my stomach. I quickly got up and ran towards him again only to be pulled back by the people who were waiting in the cue. Suddenly I heard Romano as the onlookers held me back. He was being led out in the same position by an equally gigantic doorman. As soon as he was released he reacted the same way as I did but the crowd stopped him and led us to the end of the street and under the overhead street light I caught a glimpse of Romano’s beetroot neck as he struggled to catch his breath back. But although we had been forced out like animals, I was too preoccupied with the pain in my stomach and pulled my jumper up. Romano’s eyes opened as he saw the big purple and blue foot print engraved above my womb and immediately insisted we go to the hospital and then the police station.
I woke up the next morning next to Romano in a local residential with a thumping headache. The police had not allowed us to make a complaint causing Romano to spend the journey back home threatening to sue not only the doormen but also the local police station. But the fact was that although we were close to Porto, we were in a small village in the middle of nowhere where the residence defended each other even if it meant going against the law.
The most indescribable feeling of regret came over as we approached Lisbon. Even though Romano was being sweet, I was now more than aware how all those nice words and compliments could tomorrow be twisted into the most destructive aid against my self worth.
Romano believed that everything was back to normal after that night, but for me it was back to the present; normal, alone and struggling. When he realised that they were not we had another huge argument, resulting in him appearing at my parent’s house once again and causing the usual scandals. At one point, when he eventually bought plates, he placed the ones I had left him in a plastic bag and threw them against my mother’s door along with the loaded gun from my working days which I had left at the house.
Furious that I wouldn’t speak to him, on numerous occasions he would arrive in my mother’s street and start shouting out my past. Soon my mothers neighbours expressed their concern at his behaviour meaning that they had witnessed and heard everything about my life. But the embarrassment didn’t end here. One time he followed me into a busy bar. Within minutes we started arguing so I made my way back to the table to join my friends. He followed and sat next to Simon to then insult him in front of the group. The insults progressively became louder until the whole bar came to a stand still and watched as Romano went on to say that he gave me so much money to finish prostitution and that I should owe him my life. I didn’t know where to place myself or for that matter who was more embarrassed; my friends for being next to me; the rest of the people for being forced to listen to my private life or me, who by now was more than use to, felt sorry for everybody else feeling embarrassed for me. If his intentions were to make people scared to socialise with me, he was doing a good job.
After all this disrespectful behaviour I called his father to ask for advice on what to do. Romano then stopped disrespecting my parent’s house but the following continued.
One night he followed me around the town insulting me in front of everyone. I had had it up to my ears with this torture and decided to make him feel what his embarrassment was like.
It was by now midnight and he continued following me so I drove to his Fathers building, parked the car outside the upper class residency and made my way into the huge open reception area, sat down and waited. Romano hesitated, driving around in circles before plucking up the courage to park and enter. Things were so different now; he spoke in a soft, diplomatic quiet voice as not to disturb the receptionist in the far corner. This infuriated me after all the embarrassment he put me and my family through.
When I realised that it was the same conversation all over again I stood up and walked out. As I got into my car I realised I was parked behind his step mother’s spanking new convertible and everything he had done at my mother’s house began burning a whole in my mind and without further thinking I released my anger on his steps car and scrapped past it, denting the paint work. I then called his father to say that I was responsible for car damage and exactly why I had done it before asking him to send me the bill. His father understood my actions and as he was now aware that I was capable of reversing the table, told me to forget the repair that he would take care of it.
The following week I managed to find a cheap, tiny apartment and decided that I was going to take it and within a few days I arranged to have my stuff collected from Carla’s.
Romano followed on the moving day and circulated the building until night time. I called his father once again. He begged me to have a meeting with Romano, insisting that everything would stop if I did so I agreed I this meant the last of it.
The following day Romano arrived at my apartment an hour before we had arranged, sat down and began to read a letter he had previously written. I switched off in payment for all the times he too had ignored my concerns, to the point that he had interpreted them as mere threats. Result, I left when he least expected. So now why should I be paying attention to what he was reading, especially after all the humiliation and dishonesty he had recently put me through?
We were interrupted by my Landlord calling. He had just tried to cash the rent cheque but my bank wouldn’t pay. I became nervous as this sounded like something from my prostitution days. When I hung up Romano asked what was wrong. I refused to tell him and insisted that he left. But before he did he advised me that if I needed anything I should contact him. Yes right I thought. If it wasn’t for listening to him and his deals I wouldn’t be in the situation and at the worst scenario I would still be working and finishing my debts if I hadn’t already.
Romano cooled down for a while but when least expected everything started again. By now I had already contacted my lawyer to arrange the divorce but as we had been married for such a short period, things were more complicated although possible.
As Romano kept telling everyone invented figures of how much my business made or “how much he gave me” as he put it, I was curious to discover if the outstanding invoice that he had said he had taken care of really was taken care of or if it would one day come to haunt me in the future, so I arranged my lawyer to write him a letter containing all the information he had told me, in his words eliminating my company of the responsibility of that invoice. A further letter was written stating that he had agreed to pay the VAT debt by monthly instalments, also, as he had led me to believe.
Unsurprisingly Romano was infuriated by the letters and refused to sign both, proving that there was a lot more hidden than I thought regarding the invoice and that I had been perfectly correct in being worried. All in all this left me with an extra sum of 35, 000 euros hanging around my neck plus taxes, although he had wanted me to believe the contrary.
But his refusal to sign at least the first letter was in a big way another step forward to my mental recovery. It made me see that in fact I did have reasons to doubt him, my intuition was correct about everything and further, he indeed could not be trusted. Although realising I had been right throughout our relationship hurt, it gave me enormous will power to believe in myself again and leave all that insecurity that he had created about my character behind me or at least start doing so.
I remembered how he would strip my person down to the bones. Every ounce of my flesh and personality was mutilated to the point that if a man said something nice about me he was lying, or simply, trying to get me in bed. If that wasn’t it, then it was my fault for leading him on as “ass and tits” were sufficient. Other times if not because of my physical attributes it was due to my personality. It was always just pure contradiction and along the ride, every part of me was knocked to the floor with his words; my soul, my body and my whole being to the point that I didn’t know what was happening and continued spiralling down into an auto destructive depression. It reached the stage that I was afraid to be my friendly self as it could be interpreted as trying to lead men on. All my principles and values which were the rock of my existence; honesty, trust and individualism were pulled away from me making me go against them just to give as good as I received. Knowing that something was wrong and not being able to understand what it was, was now clear. I was becoming a shell without a personality.
Increasingly I questioned why I married and now the light was supplying the answers; it was my growing insecurity about everything around me, it was the way I was made to feel about myself and above all, the lack of self-worth. But it was now time for the women that everybody use to call strong, confident and a fighter, the woman who was against those empty marriages of convenience, to get back to reality and come out stronger than ever defeating the psychological challenges many of her counterparts would weaken to do.
As Romano learned that I wasn’t going to ask him to sign the letter again he found it suspicious only to start writing text messages accusing me of sleeping with all my friends and insisting that they were only my friends because they wanted to get me into bed, despite the fact that many of them had been my pals since arriving in the country.
I remembered the days when I first met him and said
“Money is not power… Money is temporary power. Real power is from within, its true power”. Well, a shame he didn’t believe me and had challenged me to the fact because at the end of the day it wasn’t love that was driving him insane, it was simply the fact that I had proved him wrong. I was now back to square one, just like he had found me and that was the way I left him. Like I always tried to make him and everybody else see “money can’t buy everything”. He had challenged me and in the process attempted to destroy my inner power but I came out the winner as the power within was going to grow stronger with the near defeat.
CHAPTER 20
Despite having refused to sign the legal letters, Romano continued making the monthly VAT payments up to December but his worrying behaviour persisted.
In the run up to Christmas I took advantage of the Spirit and for the first time in years visited the local clubs on the weekends. Romano had a knack for tracking me down and as soon as he did he would stand at the corner of the club controlling my every move. On most occasions I would ignore him but on others when the alcohol level was on maximum my hidden feelings surfaced resulting in us going home together. But as soon as he realised that things were never going to be how they were another argument would start and his whole cruel strategy would regain power.
By Christmas Eve Romano and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for a week. Mid afternoon he called and asked if I could open the door as he wanted to drop off the Christmas presents. I found it bizarre but nevertheless opened it to have him barge past me and practically through the gifts onto the floor before walking out in a huff.
Not containing himself longer than a few days he wrote a message reading
“I can’t believe that. Not even a card or a merry Christmas”
“Well, we are separated so its not half as bad as you made me feel on my birthday. Not even a card” I replied.
This infuriated him to the point that he started lying and insisted it was a lie but unfortunately I remembered that night clearly.
It was now the Eve of New Years Eve and predictably Romano stood in the VIP area of the nightclub with his bottle of whisky watching me like a hawk. When he could no longer contain himself he approached and caused a scene which caught the security mans attention who immediately warning him to keep away, several times at that.
When I arrived home I found him sitting in his car outside my building playing music loader than the club. Fortunately he was vomiting to notice my arrival leaving me to lay in bed listening to his music until he eventually left at five in the morning.
Early the following day he called in a frantic fit, warning me not to trust people as they are nice to my face although they hate me. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about but soon discovered that he was referring to the security man, Ricardo.
Ricardo happened to be Oley’s best friend who had helped me out on the day of the shooting when I had the brothel. I had introduced him to Romano in the past and commented on his good looks. So the bottom line was that Romano couldn’t accept that someone I had introduced him to came to my defence, so to try and get me paranoid and turn me against him, he was adamant to make me believe that he was defending me against Ricardo instead of admitting it was the other way around. But I was no longer that naïve and could see through his whole sick tactic. He was trying to make me loose self confidence and put me against those who stood up for me. In a way I actually started to believe that due to the fact that he continuously told me that men just spoke to me for a reason, he must have believed that Ricardo defended me with the same intentions and therefore felt that because I found him to be good looking he proved an enormous threat.
When I asked if this was the only reason he was calling he stated that he was actually calling to fix my stereo system which funnily enough had stopped working months before! But nothing surprised anymore and I agreed that he could come over.
When he arrived he requested my keys to take the car to resolve the problem but instead arrived back with a new radio and began to install it. This took a few hours and by the time I knew it, it was approaching nine in the evening resulting in me to spending New Years Eve with him.
This was to mark the start of a relationship and as Romano had recently rented a new apartment with big verandas he suggested that we collect Napoleon who was still at my mothers and take him to his place to keep his dog company. I agreed and off we went.
When we arrived we bumped into a familiar face in the corridor. It was a tall handsome man in his early thirties that had frequented one of my local bar’s five years earlier but I didn’t mention anything to Romano and we politely said good afternoon.
His new apartment was gorgeous and somehow I couldn’t stop myself from asking why he had moved in a month early if we still had a month’s rent paid on the other house. He responded that he was excited and couldn’t wait, making me wonder how someone who was strapped for cash for Decembers VAT payment willingly spent nearly 3.000 euros to rent two places simultaneously that month. Further, despite all our problems he was paying the mortgage on his own apartment refusing to rent it to at least cover the costs, making anyone think that cash was not a problem. But where was his money going in the past, I mean, when he was my client he was in a more difficult situation but spent an average of 1.000euros a month on me, never mind the others he visited. So how on earth was 500 euros to pay Decembers IVA debt so hard to pay? I had been led to believe that things were hard, but as usual, I didn’t know anything about my husbands business but I knew mine, I had wasted two years and was with all this new debt. It just made me think that to cover all these costs he was earning extremely well, yet it had always been a struggle for him to pay less than half these costs in the past. So where was the money going to?
When I expressed my disgust at how he had refused to sign the first letter regarding the invoice he brushed it off and stated that the letter was badly written and could be interpreted as him being a criminal. I brushed it off despite the fact that what the letter contained was what Romano had led me to believe.
I quickly realised that I could never be happy or indeed myself with this man; the man who had caused me so much pain, the one who had tried to change me and then complained I was not the person he had fallen in love with. Although my heart wanted to, my head fought against further torture so I backed off the relationship a little and continued having my social life with friends at my place. This infuriated Romano as he thought he had the right to come and go from my apartment as he pleased despite having his own privacy at his own home and office.
This one evening Romano arrived extremely happy. He had just received news that his business was to merge with a gigantic multinational company meaning that he was weeks from becoming a multimillionaire. We were interrupted with a call from my landlord advising me of a vacancy in one of his bigger apartments but I had decided that I was going to make do with the one I had until I was back on my feet. Anyway, as I was finding Romano’s dominant behaviour unacceptable and wanted to discover exactly what was going through his mind so I acted happy, thanked the Landlord stating that I would call him in the morning.
Immediately Romano asked what the good news was as if he hadn’t assisted the conversation and upon repeating the chat he responded
“That’s fantastic! What a good deal. Yes, you should take it. I will help you move”
This was all I wanted to hear to confirm that I was right all along. The only difference being that I no longer interpreted it as “head screws”. Time proved that none of them had been head screws, just cold reality. Romano was indeed happy with the arrangement to have his own privacy but at the same time believed he had authority to invade and control mine.
Inevitably an argument broke out. I just didn’t have the strength, energy or patience to put up with any of it anymore and said
This is my house, get out”
Romano was still looking after Napoleon days after we split and as I decided to ignore his sick tactic of trying to turn the situation around in his favour he reverted to using Napoleon to make me react.
“You have an hour to leave what you are doing and come and collect your fucking dog”
At first I took it as a joke but as the minutes ticked away and the threats continued I realised just how serious he was being and immediately called my father to accompany me as I knew that if I went there alone I would never be able to leave the torturing situation. My father was far in Lisbon but having witnessed many of Romano’s tantrums, left immediately.
Fifteen minutes to go and the threats grew stronger causing me to panic; my father was only now on the highway. Five minutes to go and my father was still ten minutes drive away.
“See what is going to happen to your baby if you are not here on time Diana” he wrote
Suddenly my father appeared at our meeting spot. The phone rang and I asked my father to answer.
“She has under a minute to get here. I have warned her”
My father remained calm and advised him we were close as I slammed my foot down on the accelerator.
When we arrived at the forest he had stated I remained numb in the car while my father got out to fetch the dog. In a cool collective, Mafioso voice he approached my window and began throwing things in my face but I was too nervous to pay attention and as soon as my father and Napoleon entered the car I slammed on the accelerator and drove off.
Romano’s continual loss of control led him to start the same behaviour all over again but this time my apartment was the main target. Not only did he drive past repeatedly, he would arrive uninvited at my door step screaming and shouting his way in.
At first I would let him in to avoid disturbing the neighbours with his scenes but when I eventually put my foot down he went absolutely crazy, ringing the apartment door bell continuously for five or ten minutes at a time. A few times, I spotted him walking to his car and the bell was still ringing, only to later discover a coin jammed in the doorbell. But I just couldn’t figure out how he got into the building in the first place until it eventually clicked, when he took my keys to fix the stereo! Could it have been a clever excuse to get my keys cut? I immediately changed my locks.
His threats grew to unbelievable extremes and when he drove past and detected I was not alone he would go insane and continuously knock the door and put me through the same embarrassing situation. When that no longer worked he resorted to standing underneath my balcony, screaming up and waking up the neighbourhood.
“You whore. You are a piece of shit, you disgusting, filthy whore”
When he couldn’t track me on the weekends he would call first thing in the morning and if he detected a sleepy voice he immediately made his way over just to see if I brought anybody back, to then accuse me of spending my life in nightclubs, although in reality it was a night a week, if that.
This one evening he spotted Simon’s car outside and sent me a message
“I have just called the police to tell them you are being rapped”
I panicked, as anything was possible and as right as rain there was a knock on my door five minutes later.
“Open up, it’s the police”
I opened the door to the dark corridor and as soon as my pupils adjusted I realised it was in fact Romano! I tried to close it but it was too late he was in, yelling at the top of his lungs until the familiar foam appeared. Ignoring my request for him to picked up the massage oil that he had bought me for Christmas
“You whore. Who has been massaging you with my oil”?
And headed to the bathroom sink to empty out all its contents.
The truth was I had bad sciatica and always needed massages, but the missing oil was undetectable and none of his business.
He returned and stood over me as I sat on my bed and all of a sudden his behaviour went from one extreme to another as if he had changed character. He started laughing and joking hysterically to then rip the duvet cover from under me and through it over my head as I was smoking. In a panic I tried to find the cigarette which it had knocked from my fingers only to discover that not only did it burn a whole in my new duvet cover but the mattress too! All of a sudden all these expensive little fits of his came rushing to my head; breaking my phones, breaking my computer, smashing all my picture frames, ripping my bags from my shoulders, breaking my heater, my car and so much more. Everything just came back in a split causing the poisonous explosion within me to be ignited. Never before had I felt this demon inside as I jumped up, grabbed the incense burner he had also given me for Christmas and threw it at him before pouncing on him and slapping his head until his glasses flew off.
“Get out. Get out of my fucking house now! Enough is enough” I screamed as the devil inside me blinded me from seeing the lengths I would reach.
Romano crouched down in the corner by the door and began to laugh nervously.
“Ok calm down. You are like a mad woman. What’s wrong with you? I’m leaving ok”
The truth was I had taken so much and couldn’t take anymore. I had had the patience of an Angel but he had forced me to this. He must have believed that I would remain passive and continue taking this torture and wasn’t expecting such a reaction.
Everybody who had witnessed his outbursts had warned me to make an official complaint to the police but I didn’t want to cause his business profession any harm. But this was it. Enough! I took off my pyjamas and made my way to the local police station and made a complaint about the messages, the damages, the public embarrassment, the harassment, the following, not to mention forcing his way into my apartment by stating he was the police. Long had gone the days that I had warned him to stop.
As soon as I left the police station I sent his Father a message apologising and stating what I had been forced to do. Since then Romano calmed down and avoided knocking on my door. But unfortunately I stopped going out on the weekends to avoid myself embarrassment.
The following week I met my accountant to try and resolve a way of closing down the company despite the VAT debt being outstanding. When he presented me with a print of the government debt, I nearly dropped to the floor! The interest was nowhere near what Romano had led me to believe. It wasn’t 1% it was up to 18!. This meant that what he had been paying off was not even enough to pay the interest! I panicked, when was all this going to stop so that I could put all the bad memories, the lies and deceit behind me? Further, it was now close to February and still no payment received for December!
I left the accountants office feeling sick and immediately sent Romano a message accusing him of being a liar and screwing me. But this proved a mistake as he immediately came looking for me.
He found me as I was entering my car outside the gym but I quickly turned the ignition on and drove off. Two hours later and he was still on my tail so I decided to make him feel what it felt like and drove in direction of his office.
As I was entering the quiet office road, Jo of all people was driving the opposite way. She was to busy looking at Romano’s car to even notice that he was glued to my bumper. All of a sudden she pulled her window down and said “Hello love. How are you”? In the strangest way. He was no longer “son” he was love?! But once again I remembered how Romano had tried to convince me that he didn’t speak to her. If only I had believed him and been taken for a bigger fool!
No matter how much I wanted to leave the past behind me and go on with the future I couldn’t; everything was still more than alive to haunt and torment me. I felt bitter, angry for ever having accepted Romano’s help. I should have seen the signs at the time. He had only looked for a solution to help when he saw that I couldn’t balance the type of job I was doing with a relationship, and due to my responsibilities, the relationship would have to be sacrificed. What if I hadn’t reached that stage? Would he have been happy with the whole arrangement of a prostitute for a girlfriend until something better came his way? Come to think of it, it wasn’t the first time he had dated a prostitute!
The more I thought, the sicker I felt. I had had enough with him telling everybody that I owed him my life, that he got me out of the mess I was in by getting me out of prostitution. No! Actually, I would be free of debts by now if I had followed my initial instincts. The reality was that the man that I married, the one who squander all his money on god knows what, the man who said I was afraid of commitment, the man who was now going to become rich, was indeed the man who had now made me decide that I was going to go back to what he said he had got me out of!
I lay on my bed for hours figuring everything out. Despite the fact that Romano tried to convince me that I was still his wife, I wasn’t. I never had been. There had always been two wives although I was just the one he fucked. He had never taken us seriously and that’s why I was always afraid to give myself totally. Suddenly I remembered the last month we were together and he said “Oh, believe me. As soon as my father regains his wealth he will tell Jo to fuck off” But I knew he wasn’t referring to his father. He was referring to us. It was just the way his mind worked. It was all about appearances at the end of the day and replacing the old with new models. It was a temporary solution. All my head screws were exactly because my instincts told me so. At the same time his insecurity tried to destroy every ounce of confidence leading me into the sad, depressed person that I had become.
I tried to figure out how I was going to work. I no longer had my phones or my black book with my ex clients numbers and further; I could not risk placing another advert since 300 Clientes Habituais hit the nation.
Simultaneously, I started making a future plan. If I had been able to find investors for Romano’s company then I would rely on them again, on a lower interest rate for a longer period and raise money to buy a piece of land to then sell on. But this would take time so in the meantime I would have to go back to what I shouldn’t have left until I finished.
I began making calculations and seeing which ex clients’ numbers I had on my private phone. I arrived at the conclusion that if I worked for four months with four past regulars clients, it would be a tremendous reduction to the amount of debt if they each visited four times in this period. Further, if they did want to be with me they had to understand the whole situation and accept that due to exclusivity I would have to put up my prices to 200euros.
My mind was made up. This was what I was going to do.
CHAPTER 21
Orlando was the first and only ex client that I had so far contacted and to my delight he made a booking. Unlike the past when I had refused to do call outs I accepted his proposal for the night as it would mean that I would make roughly the same as my original calculation for the month leaving three months instead of four.
When I arrived I spent a good two hours explaining the turns my life had led me on since I had left prostitution and for the first time instead of I being the positive pillar for the clients it was time for them to repay me and be mine.
Just before eleven we got down to business and although I was no longer shy, I was extremely cold as the bitter reality forced me to realise that if I had followed my initial instincts, I would no longer be doing it.
Within minutes the whole thing was over and for the next few hours I laid there making an effort to stay awake until he fell asleep.
The following day I started sending e mails to my past investors, advising them of my project proposal. Two accepted immediately, and the rest were yet to respond. Nevertheless, a guaranteed forty thousand Euros was raised on a twelve month investment basis at ten percent interest.
I still hadn’t informed any other ex clients of my return to work as Orlando had booked two hours the following Tuesday, meaning that my monthly target was reached.
Romano started hounding me with messages again, one of which mentioned that he had been forced to make a deposit in my bank account for the previous months VAT payment as I was so ungrateful as not to collect it myself. The truth was I wasn’t counting on his payments and would prefer not to accept them than having things thrown and twisted in my face, not to mention nothing was paid in December! So I said it was not his responsibility, only to hear him say that he gave his word. I replied that he had not signed the declaration and his word meant nothing to me.
Within a few hours I received another message “How much then”?
When we were together this meant “How much do you love me”. But now with a feeling of bitterness I responded “200” and to my astonishment he asked how much for the night. I replied 600 euros but he would have to be out by 7am. He agreed and within minutes arrived.
Unlike the past I didn’t make conversation but instead lay on the bed listening to him talking about how well his business was going. Eventually I asked him if we were getting down to business and pulled out a condom from the side of my bed. He was amazed and said
“Diana, please don’t tell me that you are working again. Are you?”
I changed the conversation until he brought up the VAT payment but I told him it was not his concern and further, to stop the interest accumulating I was paying even more that month. When he enquired into how I bluntly replied that it was none of his business. The conversation didn’t last long. All it took was for me to wiggle my butt against his penis and everything else flew out of the window for him as he pounced on my back, ripped my bum cheeks apart and brutally slid his manhood into my vagina. Holding my cheeks for support he penetrated me so deeply I that I encouraged him to switch position as the pain was unbearable. He sat down, I sat on top of him and moved slowly, but this wasn’t what he wanted, he wanted to ravage me and as I sat on him he thrust me around in large circular movements saying
“I’m going to stretch you. Stretch you so much that no other man will want you”
This would usual make me dripping wet with someone I felt deeply for, but this time it was felt different. It was our first time together in months and he was just using my body without feeling but rather just for his personal pleasure without caring about anything else.
During the whole uncomfortable situation I remembered an ex of mine who later become a client. To my amazement when all the feeling was gone and buried he also surprised me on his hour visit by wanting to be dominated, him being the slave and I the Master. How else would I ever have known this side of him if not under those conditions? This was just how I felt there and then with Romano. Usually he would climax within a few minutes but this time he just wanted wild, ravaging sex to the point that it seemed as if it would go on for ever.
After that position, he put me through another three. Each one became more demanding than the previous and no matter what position it was he would do the same thing; penetrate me hard and deep and continuously try to stretch my vagina and repeating the same words. Finally I reached a stage where I couldn’t take anymore as the whole experience was making me sick. The way he was using me was revolting. Its one thing doing everything with someone you love but it’s another when you believe that some feeling is still there only to discover at the other person hasn’t any despite continuously hounding you.
I turned on my side with my bum facing him waiting for him to enter me and as soon as he did I began moving crazily, giving him better than he had given me with a great feeling of revenge and although I was taking the Mick, he came in a few seconds.
I felt disgusted with the whole experience. To have had sex like that with a typical client was one thing, but another thing was being treated like a piece of meat by somebody I still felt something for. I was just his little sex toy. I apologised and asked him to leave.
Within minutes I sent him a text message asking him to leave 200 euros in my letter box for me to destroy the cheque that he had passed for 600, but he told me to keep it adding that he hoped I hadn’t returned to that life. I found it all so ironic that he didn’t worry about that before the sex but bit my tongue.
On Tuesday he made another appointment just a few minutes after Orlando left. Once again he arrived as if nothing had happened, talked about his growing business and tried to probe into my life. I avoided all the questions and we got down to business.
When we finished he asked if he could do it again. I agreed but like a true professional said that I wanted the same amount of money upfront. He paid and we were off.
The following Thursday I received confirmation of an investor, bringing the total raised amount to fifty five thousand. But I needed at least another thirty thousand to buy a small plot of land around the area. But it was good news so I grouped everyone together for dinner at a newly opened restaurant.
It was as if Romano could smell I was with company and by nine pm sent a message asking if I was available to which I replied only around 10.30. As a stubborn brat, he threw his toys and told me to forget only to send another at 10.30 saying he was waiting. I acted dumb and replied that I was unaware that the booking stood and now I was busy. He then asked when, to which I replied an hour. But at eleven thirty I advised him I was ten minutes late and in a fury he told me to forget it as I had messed him around enough and if I wanted to work I would have to meet him at his house. I ignored him and went home.
The following day he sent another message asking if I was available to which I asked the time. He answered that I was not that good to be receiving bookings so far in advance so I suggested he found himself someone who was. Hours later as if nothing had happened he asked if he could book for the night. I gave him the same price as the last time to which he replied that for that he would have to be entitled to as many rounds of sex as he wished. I made it clear that the maximum was three times. He sulked.
On Saturday afternoon he called asking if he could come over to hand me something. I said yes but only in the following hour as I was with Simon arranging a programme for my computer.
Five minutes before the hour I asked Simon to leave. He and Romano crossed paths in the street causing him to be in a foul mood when he arrived at my door. Without saying a word he made his way in, threw 1000 euros for that and the previous months VAT and stormed out only to then bombard me with disgusting messages stating that I was a dirty whore and that I only went back into prostitution because one penis was not enough to satisfy me. But I saw through it all. Now that he realised that he couldn’t get his own way on appointment times and rules his tune had changed. When he did get his own way he made appointments. Was he now criticising because he was loosing his chances of coming over and having sex when ever he felt like it at what ever cost? I mean, it wasn’t a problem when he actually was.
A few days later he sent message requesting an appointment for four O’clock. I accepted. As I was about to prepare the bed he said
“No Diana. I’m not here to fuck you. Here is more money for the VAT” and slammed the door so hard causing my neighbours to see what was happening.
Romano was now trying to look like the good guy but I didn’t let it get to me as when I opened my mail I had more good news, another ten thousand to invest. Total sixty five!
A peaceful week went by. Romano must have been entertained spending his money on the ever increasing number of working girls in the area as now I was aware that he did have the cash although when I was with him he was always broke, meaning that he was probably visiting them all along. But I was relieved by the absent of harassments .
Monday I was called to the investigation department to give evidence for the complaint I placed against Romano but as I only did it to put an end to his ridiculous behaviour I dropped the charges as not to cause him business problems.
A few days later I was bombarded with threats. Romano had been informed by the investigation department to testify thus in return threatened that he was going to make a criminal complaint against me. I ignored the ridiculous statement but instead advised him that I had dropped the charges. But he had known for weeks as I had informed his father which coincidently put a stop to Romano appearing at my apartment. But his pride was too big to admit it and now used his so called “new” discovery as an issue.
Due to my total ignorance a few days later I received a message that he had just been forced to put down his dog. Concerned I asked what had happened and he replied that he could not obtain a licence for a dangerous dog as he now had a criminal record. I was shocked but it had nothing to do with my complaint as even if I had not dropped the charges it would mean months of waiting before the case hit the court room. Further, it wasn’t necessary to have been a law student like myself to know that people were innocent until proven guilty! But still he accused me regardless.
But I felt sorry for the poor dog. He could have at least found it a new home! If it was true that he had been put down it must have been due to a past criminal record that I was unaware of but the most probable likelihood was that the dog turned against his owner.
Once again I ignored his continuous messages only to receive an e mail five days later. Stating that I was the person he most loved in the world, and asking me not to drag the divorce on any longer as it was tearing him apart. But he knew that the divorce was out of my hands and that we were awaiting the courts call.
On the Tuesday more threatening messages came my way and then from one second to the next he asked if he could come over. When I asked why he stated he had the VAT payment. But the thought of having him in front of me made me want to vomit and I once again advised him that it was not his responsibility.
“Ok then, so book me in for an hour then” he responded.
“Over my dead body will you ever touch me again” I replied
This sparked off the predictable process with double force but I no longer had the energy or patience to waste on him.
But now as always I let it go over my head. If he had really wanted to pay the monthly amount to the VAT he would have made a deposit in my bank account like he had done on certain occasions. What he wanted was me not to accept the money out straight but rather work for it and when I did, there seemed to be an endless supply of money.
Two weeks went by and my grand total of raised funds was seventy five thousand Euros, but things didn’t look promising. It was proving difficult to find something worth investing for under ninety thousand and agreed on that figure with the Estate agent who advised me of a development that had been placed on the market by the constructer that same day.
When I arrived at our meeting place I nearly dropped dead, the Estate agent was the man that Romano and I had bumped into in the corridor at Romano’s building, his neighbour! But there was little time to chat, we were already late to meet the constructor.
The plots of land were situated near the beach with huge open fields surrounding it. When I enquired as to the future of the surrounding area the constructor said that no licences had yet been issued but there was a factory project awaiting approval at the local town hall. This was not really what I wanted to hear but anyway, my plan was to buy and sell within a year and it was the cheapest land I could find for 300 square meters. I told the men that I would think of it and headed home.
I was determined to buy the smallest plot that stood next to a plot he sold earlier that morning. The purchasing agreement was to pay thirty percent up front, another 30% three months later when the water works were piped and then the remainder on the land transfer contract. This in practice meant that I would only start paying my yearly investors from the point that they transferred money and therefore the interest would only start counting on thirty percent. But there was an obstacle; I was short of fifteen thousand plus legal fees! I could risk it and hope to find more investors by the time I signed the final contract, but what if I couldn’t? It was a gamble but I called the Estate agent and asked if he thought the constructor would lower by five thousand. He replied that it was very unlikely as they were so new on the market and there was very little available for those values. Further, five thousand was too much in theses cases.
Before I knew it Andrew and I were talking about the bar we had seen each other in. When he asked how I knew his neighbour, Romano I laughed and told him to forget it. Just before he hung up he suggested that I pay the constructor a personal visit as I had nothing to loose as there was only one plot sold out of forty five, despite its recent market appearance.
I turned up at the constructor’s office the following day and sat at his desk explaining how much I wanted the land but I was a bit short. Further, I was disappointed with the prospect of the factory. He immediately gained confidence and ballooned his chest like a proud pigeon but I acted naïve and allowed him to continue feeling superior as he tried desperately to take his eyes off my chest.
After a long lecture that a woman like me should ask her boyfriend to help, he finally heard what he wanted, that I was awaiting divorce and from there things changed dramatically until he finally to a five thousand reduction.
Immediately I called Andrew and told him that I had got the land for eighty five thousand. We were ready to draft a purchase agreement contract!
CHAPTER 22
Andrew and I became friends in the days that followed the contract signing and for some indescribable reason I found myself spending most of my spare time with him.
Andrew was a pleasure to be with. He was extremely intelligent, possessed a Great English sense of Humour but above all, he was able to cheer me up with his positive outlook and funny, extrovert personality.
He had resided in the country for ten years after a holiday in the Algarve persuaded him to ditch his London home town for Portugal.
When he told me that he was approaching forty I couldn’t for the life of me believe it. His thick brown hair, athletic physique and big blue eyes along with his juvenile character prevented the traces of the past five appear on his face.
I quickly learned a great deal about Real Estate with Andrew. He was one of the partners of a large National chain of Estate agents. The first thing he advised me was to place the land up for sale immediately despite the final contract not being signed. If I was lucky and found a buyer, I could draw up another contract giving up my part. This proved beneficial in more ways than one as I could avoid both legal and financial expenses, meaning that there would be no additional fee, as well as not using up anymore of the investors funds. So I told him to go right ahead and place the land on the market.
Now we had to figure out a price. All but a few of the plots were still available and according to Andrew fairly priced. But I did have an advantage, firstly the constructor was not making discounts like he had done with me and secondly as my plot was the smallest, it was also the cheapest meaning that the least expensive one at that moment was twenty thousand euros more than mine, plus the deduction, twenty five. So we reached the agreement that the land should be placed on the market for an extra twenty thousand than I had bought it and it would still be the cheapest plot.
Within days my divorce date came threw at last. It seemed like a never ending wait. For some unexplainable reason I felt entitled to call Andrew and tell him the news. I hadn’t yet told him about my past or even mentioned that his neighbour was my husband but now I thought it was time.
As he picked up the phone he said
“My God Diana, you must be psychic! I was just going to call you to give you the good news”!
Andrew informed me that the purchaser of the corner plot of land next to mine, which was in fact the first one sold, had just returned back from a weekend away in which he decided to buy the plot next to his to try and get approval for a bigger house. When I asked where I came in, Andrew stated that the only available land next to his was mine and as his wife was now fixed on the idea of a bigger place, he was left no choice but to purchase my land. I couldn’t believe it! Twenty thousand Euros made in less than a week! I had only borrowed the thirty percent of the initial payment which was twenty five thousand euros, meaning that the whole deal was costing me two and a half thousand euros to the investors and still I gained a year to play with it! Seventeen and a half thousand euros clean, minus whatever charges I would incur from Andrew!
I couldn’t believe my luck and that evening when Andrew came over all we could talk about was what I was going to do next before I eventually told him about my past and my regular client Orlando.
When everything was out in the open I mentioned Romano. But before I could continue Andrew said
“Ye, he is a very lucky guy”
When I enquired as to why he informed me that Romano frequently had women arriving at his apartment late at night which eventually led to bed rocking noises and then within an hour or too they were gone. I was speechless. I more than guessed that he was spending his cash on prostitutes, but paying for call out girls so frequently?! The cheapest call out girl would never cost less than two hundred euros an hour.
As I sat there stunned Andrew asked why I looked so worried and I began to explain who Romano actually was and the whole puzzle came together for him. Before I could continue and say that the women must have been working girls he said
“Yes, I know how you must feel. Here you are with that debt and he is splashing the cash on whores as often as I go to the toilet”
But all this news was just what I wanted to hear. It was the last bit of evidence that I needed to prove that nothing, but nothing was invented in my head with what concerned Romano. My intuition had always be right.
Andrew now understood why I had refused his numerous invitations to visit his apartment which was directly beneath Romano’s. The last thing I needed was Romano having funny ideas and starting his whole torturing process with more passion.
The following day Orlando called to book a night for that weekend.
“I’m sorry Orlando but I no longer have the need to work. I’m out of the business once and for all”
“That’s great news for you Diana but not so good for me. But I’m happy for you. By the way, you said you were out two years ago but you came back, so you never know”
“This time is different. I did it myself. I trust myself, so I’m not going to screw myself. Believe me, I’m out but we can have coffee anytime you like”
I continued spotting Romano driving past my apartment and every time I saw him I longed for the divorce date to be nearer. What I had discovered was just about the last straw of the thousand I had started with. The thought of it all just made me sick.
Andrew called at four and invited me once again for dinner at his place. Before I could tell him “You know why I can’t” he suggested that I arrive there before the usual time Romano left work and then we would find a way to get me out. I agreed!
Andrews whole attitude made me start thinking. There was just something about him that attracted me although the last thing on my mind was another relationship, especially with my divorce being a week away. But I brushed everything off and started getting ready before Andrew arrived to pick me up at five.
As we approached his building I looked up to see where the deep barking was coming from. It was Romano’s dog, the dog he said he had put down! It had just been yet another sick tactic of his!
Before I got out of the car I looked all around to see if his car was in sight. Suddenly I spotted Jo’s! I couldn’t believe it! But what was it doing there? Shocked with so much information to digest we made our way upstairs.
Andrew opened the door to an identically lay out apartment as Romano’s and as we headed into the living room there was a beautiful long dinning room table set out for a romantic dinner for two.
“I came home to arrange it before I picked you up, but dinner will be served at eight” he giggled
Before I had the chance to say anything we heard Romano arriving upstairs. We had been lucky. He usually arrived home at six and it was now five thirty.
Andrew asked me to follow him into the kitchen while he prepared some wine and glasses. He hadn’t stopped smiling since he had picked me up. Out of the blue he asked.
“So Diana, have you decided if you are going to reinvest in another plot of land yet”? Before I had the chance to answer he advised me that he had just received fantastic news from his best friend who worked at the planning department of the local Town Hall. This was not yet public knowledge but the land surrounding the plots was not going to be used for a factory, instead a project for a golf course had just been approved meaning that the plots were now worth there wait in gold. But when I looked sad at having sold mine and loosing the opportunity Andrew quickly stated that the idea now was to buy more before the constructor found out about it within the next few days.
Excitedly we sat down and started making sums. Andrew suggested that the larger plots were the best investments and he and his partners were investing in four at roughly one hundred and fifty thousand euros a piece. If I did the same, the initial thirty percent deposits would be forty five thousand meaning that I could place a down payment with the money to be received from the first plot sold.
Andrew asked how much more I could get from investors. I stated that I had raised seventy five. With what I made this brought it to ninety five. When he suggested that I invested in two plots, I replied
“Are you mad? What if I don’t sell in time and then have to pay the next thirty percent instalment? I can’t do that. I can’t risk it”
But Andrew tried to convince me that I would sell and at worst scenario, I would get my money back. No matter how hard I tried to fight it my instincts told me that I had to do it. Even though I had known Andrew a short time, I knew that he was being honest.
Suddenly I heard Jo´s disgustingly sweet tone of voice and high heels parading directly above us in Romano’s kitchen. Andrew tried to take my mind of it but I grabbed the wine bottle, refilled my glass, took a deep breath and swallowed half of the glass’s contents.
As we headed through the corridor in the direction of the living room, the foot steps seemed to follow us. Suddenly they stopped and were taken over by what appeared to be a piece of furniture rattling. To my disgust, high pitch groans started echoing in my head. As the groans became loader, the rattling intensified until we heard
“Oh, oh Darling” over and over again until the screeching furniture stopped.
“No Andrew. There is a mistake. That is not Romano’s step mother up there. She must coincidently be visiting someone in the area”
Andrew looked at me and nudged his shoulders as I paced up and down the living room with the glass of wine in my hand. Jesus, its one thing Romano trying to convince me that he would not sleep with anyone until after the divorce but it’s another him sleeping with Jo. No, it can’t be Jo; I tried to convince myself and stood at the window gazing down at Jo’s car.
Whoever it was spent more than an hour in the bathroom. Suddenly Romano’s front door creaked open and the lift began to rise. With what felt like hours later, the lift door closed and it began to descend. The high heels could be heard clearly until suddenly they disappeared through the front door of the building. As I watched like a hawk I saw a woman with a hat. Unable to distinguish her I just prayed she wouldn’t go in the direction of Jo’s car. The woman stopped and looked around. To my horror it was her!
This was all I needed to spoil my enthusiastic night and begged Andrew to find a way to get me out unnoticed as I needed to be alone. Everything, but everything made sense now. This was the last missing piece on my jigsaw to prove my intuition right one hundred percent, but I never in my life thought something like this could happen.
Andrew called at eight thirty in the morning.
“Ok Diana, it’s time to forget the past and move on. Meet me at the land at three”
And I did. Without thinking clearly I walked away with another two contracts for two large plots of land, each costing one hundred and fifty euros with an initial investment of ninety thousand euros for both.
Andrew came over again that evening and tried to convince me that I would not be disappointed as the news of the golf development would increase the land tremendously. I just hoped that it would be known before the next thirty percent payment was due or else I would be screwed.
But the truth was I was still shaken up about the day before and had no idea how I would react seeing Romano at the divorce hearing the following day. I just couldn’t bring myself to be in the same building as him, never mind the same room.
Thinking of the devil and the devil called with his number unidentified. Before I had a chance to hang up he pleaded with me not to as it was extremely important. He had appeared at the investigation department for questioning and although I had dropped the case the magistrate insisted that it continue. But instead of speaking calmly he instantly started making threats and blackmail, as well as trying to twist the situations around.
“So what are you going to tell them Diana, how are you going to get me out of what you created”
Upon his third repetitive scream I told him it was now his problem and hung up.
Immediately after, Andrew too received a call. It was the constructor advising him that all the unsold plots of land be raised by thirty five percent as he had just received news of the golf development. This was fantastic and enough to take my mind off the two full days adventures. Things were now looking positive again.
The following day I woke up with an immense anxiety. I had hardly slept as my history with Romano, the good and the bad came back to haunt me with the rolling of black and white film cassette against my bedroom wall. But the truth was that our time apart had shown me his other character and his romp with Jo left no room for guilty feelings accept to get the paper signed with as least fuss as possible.
Despite all the bad feelings, the day proved to be immensely emotional, sad and draining, especially seeing Romano try so desperately to make me change my mind at the last moment as the tears rolled down his face.
Andrew invited me out to dinner but I suggested that we ate at my place as I was in no fit state to be out.
After dinner I headed to the sofa to lay down and Andrew tried to find a little gap on which to sit on. Suddenly all the accumulated feelings; the love, the hate, the revenge, the anxiety, everything came flooding into my being causing me to burst into tears no matter how hard I tried to suppress them. Andrew placed his glass in his other hand and started stroking my head, trying to convince me that the future looked brighter.
But these were not the words I needed to hear and they just filled me up with stronger emotions. I sat up, looked at him and started hugging him like a little girl all over again and remained there tight in his arms until the vibrations of my tears rocked me to sleep.
The next morning I woke up with puffy, sticky eyes and my clothes on. Confused I looked around and found Andrew on the sofa.
“Good Morning. I hope you don’t mind that I stayed. I just didn’t want to leave you alone last night”
Before he could say another word I made my way over, sat at his side and started hugging him again. There was just something about him that calmed me down and made me feel safe despite my feeling of emptiness. He pulled my chin up to see if I was crying and at that moment I looked into his eyes, and he into mine. In silence we remained still reading each other souls through their windows until our lips touched and we began kissing.
CHAPTER 23
Despite trying to convince myself that I was not ready for a steady relationship, my kiss with Andrew marked the beginning of an unexpected one. But this time things were so different, I was much calmer, more confident than ever, but above all, Andrew made me feel good, on the contrary to my history and experience with Romano.
A month passed. Andrew called excitedly advising me to pack my case as we were going away to the Algarve for the weekend.
When we arrived he drove us to a sheik, candle lit restaurant, where he had previously made a reservation and as we waited for our starters I couldn’t help but comment on Andrews’s exaggeratedly happy mood.
“I have fantastic news. I sold one of my plots of land” he said after keeping me in suspense.
“That’s Fantastic Andrew. So things are looking positive for the sale of my plots too” I smiled
“Well Diana, I sold one of yours as well!” He said with a huge satisfied smile
My God, I couldn’t believe it, fifty two and a half thousand Euros profit, minus the investor’s interest. The feeling of now being debt free and still having money to invest was euphoric. But all this off coarse, if I managed to sell the last plot of land in time.
Our two wonderful days in the Algarve soon came to an end and before I knew it we were loading the car for our return journey home.1
When we arrived back Andrew suggested we stay at his apartment. As I looked a bit concerned as it was a Sunday and Romano could be home he suggested we drive past and look to see if his car was there.
We were in luck, it was nowhere to be seen so we unloaded the car and made our way in. As we were approaching the lift, the staircase door that led from the underground garages opened and instinctively we both looked back. Out of all the people in the world it was Romano! As our eyes met I saw the shock engraved on his face but we all remained silent and continued waiting for the lift. After what felt like hours, it arrived. Romano rushed past us an entered first. Andrew and I walked in behind him, heading straight to the buttons to press our floor number but Romano stood blocking Andrews’s access to it.
“So this was what it was all about Diana, you were having an affair all along. That’s why you left me. But are you sure he has enough balls for you”? he said with a sarcastic laugh.
Andrew immediately tried to bite back but I nudged him as a sign to swallow his words as it just wasn’t worth it. Suddenly somebody called the lift and it started to ascend. When the doors opened on the second floor I made a gesture to Andrew to get out and take the stairs but Romano followed
“Let me at least warn you what she put me threw. You are still in time to save yourself from it all” he said to Andrew
But we both remained silent until we eventually arrived at Andrews’s door. As soon as Andrew opened it we made our way in and closed it in Romano’s face as he continued his lecture.
This was enough to spoil my evening. Even though Andrew could now see what I had suffered since my break-up from Romano it didn’t cease to be embarrassing but above all frustrating. Who did he think he was? Did he not have any pride, any self respect?
The following day Andrew called to say he would be a bit late for lunch as he needed to go home to fetch some documents. When eventually he arrived at the restaurant he told me that he was cornered by Romano’s behaviour who was waiting in the car for his arrival.
“He is two completely different characters Diana! Firstly he started insulting me, holding me responsible for his marriage break up, but then when I reacted and showed him I didn’t feel threatened he changed drastically as if he was my best friend trying to save me from something”
Romano had tried to convince Andrew to break off our relationship by saying that I was a money grabber. But the truth was that I had left him with more debt than what I had started with. But on the contrary to his intentions, he actually made Andrew respect me all the more for handling his mad behaviour so well in the months that followed our separation. Further, like me, he could now see through everything. Why was Romano still on my case if I was the piece of shit he was trying to make me out to be? The truth was he had lost me and like a spoilt child, couldn’t accept the defeat and would go to any length to try and get me back, even if just to build his ego. He surely had all the symptoms of “compulsive obsessive behaviour” illness; the control, the following, the tearing down of my personality, the trying to convince me that everyone around me was my enemy, the trying to convince others that I was no good, the attempt to make me dependant on him buy covertly creating more debt.
Two month went by and it was proving increasingly difficult for Andrew to live in the same apartment block as Romano and especially for me to visit. As I was now in a position to find a better place Andrew suggested we found a place together.
The excitement of starting fresh with someone I didn’t doubt or had reason to analyse was the breath of fresh air I never thought I would breath again. And off we set hunting to find a descent apartment with large enough verandas to keep Napoleon happy, but above all, one that was far away from Romano’s praying eyes and interference.
Within days we had various viewing appointments booked, some of which came from Andrews Estate agent. He was especially excited about a penthouse in Ericeira, and urged me to see it first.
As soon as I walked through the door, I felt the same vibration that had been unique to the first house Romano and I had moved into and yet forced to move out off. It felt as if the most concentrated energy solar energy was accumulated in the hundred and fifty square meter apartment.
The penthouse was situated on the coastal stretch. The seventy foot living room was half enclosed in large glass windows which overlooked nothing but the Atlantic ocean and the surrounding beach area. The ceiling high glass door gave way to an equally large terrace. Every inch of the two bedroom apartment was packed to the brim with electrifying vibrations.
That was it, it was this one and no way was anything going to go wrong.
By the end of the month we had moved in, marking the start of my new life. For the first time since I left prostitution I was more eager and ready to start building a future free of the negativity that I had once been engulfed in. Now there was no more doubts, no questionings and above all, no negative intuition. Instead everything had been replaced by a feeling of warmth, positively, ambition, strength and satisfaction, with someone who I really trusted.
Not a day would pass that Andrew and I would not make plans to build a solid steady future. And for the first time since I decided to leave Romano, I once again confided every part of my life in a partner that in turn returned the same love, respect and honesty.
But one of my major worries at this time concerned the second plot of land. It still hadn’t been sold despite the fact that there were less than twenty percent of the plots left to sell. This meant that I would have to be prepared to pay the 2nd instalment of thirty percent. I could cover it with the money I made from the other plots but what if I still couldn’t sell it before the final payment? But I convinced myself that things were going to go according to plan and stopped thinking about it.
As soon as the land was sold Andrew and I planned to invest in an old house, move in to save rent and renovate it before placing it on the market. And so my free time began to evolve and be dedicated to searching the market conditions and prepare our future project.
A few weeks passed and it was now the day the second part of the payment was due. Feeling a bit down, Andrew suggested we dinned in a little Italian restaurant close to the sea front.
The evening was delightfully warm and so we decided to take the little table on the terrace where we were in full view of the beautiful sunset that was fading on the orange horizon. After the main course Andrew ordered some Champagne. When I asked why as I was not really in the mood to celebrate, he smiled and remained quiet.
The waiter arrived with the wine bottle and asked Andrew if he would like him to open it. Andrew hesitated, looked at the beach in front, said no and asked for the bill requesting to buy the champagne flutes too.
As we walked down the sandy dunes, I suggested we took cover from the wind in the little cave ahead. When we sat down, our voices started echoing through the meandering cave walls. Andrew popped the champagne and poured it into the two glasses before handing me one. As I was about to take a sip, he panicked and covered my glass and then balanced it on the sand. He delved in his pocket and retrieved a small box and handed it to me. Excited I quickly opened it to discover a sparkling white gold sapphire ring. As I sat speechless he handed me back my glass and asked me to marry him.
Taken aback, the last thing I wanted to do was rush into another marriage. As I sat there, my whole history came rushing past me and in those few moments I realised that my life with Romano had never been like mine with Andrew. All Romano had done was brought me misery although I continuously tried to convince myself that I was the problem despite spiralling down in auto destruction. Andrew on the other hand had not once awakened any of those horrid feelings. He was now my best friend, the person I most trusted, my strength and above all his personality, humour and optimistic outlook made me radiate with positive energy.
“Yes. Yes I will marry you. But lets not rush” I said
Andrews smile dominated his face as he took the ring out of the box and placed it on my wedding finger. We were now officially engaged.
Three months later I sold the last plot of land. Not only were my debts cleared and investors paid but I was still left with enough money to expand my import and export business as well as pay half my share of the house Andrew and I bought to renovate.
On the eve of moving in, I picked up the last empty cardboard box in the corridor and went to the bathroom to pack the few remaining things. As I picked up my tampon packet I suddenly realised that my period was late. Quickly I advised Andrew who then suggested we went to the chemist to buy a pregnancy test.
When we arrived back I ran into the bathroom and followed the instructions. Within an instant the result came through. It was positive; we were going to be parents!
SITE
http://englishtranslationstraducoesdeingles.blogspot.com/
Subscrever:
Enviar feedback (Atom)
Sem comentários:
Enviar um comentário